Day 57 - Easing into a work schedule

I starting working for the Census this week, and all we're really doing now is training. Luckily we've been getting an hour a day for lunch, and I train about 5 minutes from my house, so I've been able to stay on the diet while working. Keeping on the diet during a full time job is my last big worry/hurdle to overcome, so clearing this smaller obstacle makes me optimistic about the future of my diet.

In actual weight loss news, I weighed in this morning at 375 dressed, which is a slow down to only about 5lbs a week. I still haven't been exercising as much as I should, although my eating has been in line. I feel that I really can't complain too much when I'm not meeting my exercise quota, but I miss the early days when I was losing water weight.

At this point, every pound I lose is true fat, and that is one reason I'm staying positive and committed. The other reason is that while I have lost a lot of weight (roughly 55lbs), I haven't met any real goals other than basic health goals (losing 10%). With the true slowdown here, getting to 250lbs means at least 25 more weeks of this diet, compared to only 8 completed so far. On the flip side, 26 weeks is six months, which allows me to bail on the diet in early November, or in time for the holidays. Given that even "phase two" will be strictly regimented, it's looking like I won't be completely off until at or past the New Year. I would like to be able to eat normally by Christmas (or even Thanksgiving), but I'm not sure I should stop a good thing to indulge in the worst food time of the year.

Time is a weird thing on this diet, even more so than normal. I don't feel like I've been dieting for nearly two months (even though I have been), yet I barely remember how I used to eat. The closest comparison I can think of is the transition to college life after high school. It's so completely different, and so positive, that you barely remember life before. Another thing that comes close is after breaking up with a girlfriend: after a few weeks, you stop even thinking about calling her, and get used to a new routine.

The thing I'm most grateful for in this diet thus far has been my ability to not get bored with the foods I can eat. I still get excited about steak, or chicken. I've added some more fish so I can make the doctor happy, and honestly it's pretty good covered in garlic with a little low carb ketchup.

In recent days, the thing I am least happy about with the diet is a lack of "free" foods. Outside of iceberg lettuce, there is nothing i can eat simply to satisfy that sort of vague hunger/boredom that afflicts me in mid afternoons. Pickles come close, and I've been eating a lot of them, but even they're technically restricted. Many diets allow "binge items", be they veggies on a high fiber diet or lean meat on Atkins. I've been drinking a lot of water, crystal light, and soda, but I've been craving food a lot lately. I'm guessing my body has simply acclimated to the current intake, and is operating more efficiently and thus I'm losing less weight and feeling more hungry.

Day 52- the joys of hot sauce

The major difference between the PSMF diet and most diets is that most diets preach, or at least condone, a certain realistic moderation. It's not that you you can't eat pizza on weight watchers, it's that you can only have a small amount as a treat now and then. Most diets have these pressure release valves that allow a person to eat "normally" from time to time, or enjoy a favorite food.

My diet finds moderation to be weak and ineffectual, and completely forbids all foods with more carbs than a large carrot. This has been good for me, as 12 years of adult life has shown that I have no real ability to moderate my food intake. The flip side is that I'm going to go about nine months without many of my favorite foods. One of the major reasons I've had the success I've had on this diet, however, is that it includes many of my favorite foods: grilled meat. Still, I'm always looking for ways to recapture old favorites.

My recent accomplishment is finding a bottle of buffalo wing sauce with zero calories. Chicken Breast, grilled plain, and covered in hot sauce would never be mistaken for buffalo wings by anybody whose eaten a wing in the last six weeks, but after nearly two months, I'm happy to feel the interplay of chicken and hot sauce once more. While celery is allowed on my diet, bleu cheese is most definitly not, so I generally serve the chicken with pickles instead. It provides a cold sour to complement the spicy hot chicken. As an added bonus, I drink more water while eating the hot sauce.

Day 48 - Worried about Plateauing

Weighing myself on my home scale is always a bit questionable, as it doesn't have the accuracy or precision of the scale at the hospital. That said, I like to weight myself often to get an idea of how I'm doing. Lately, however, the answer has been steadily "not that great." I've figured out that the scale at home is roughly 2 lbs less, of course I'm weighed at the doctored dressed except for shoes.

Today, dressed, I weighed 382 on my scale. I was 387 at the doctor's last week, but this scale is roughly two pounds short. This means I may have only lost 3-4lbs (with rounding) in the last week. On a normal diet, that's still a pretty big accomplishment. On my diet, I should stay higher than that.

I haven't been getting as much exercise I was getting at the beginning of the diet, and I'm afraid that this might be the result. While I've been very resolute in non cheating food wise, I've been saying a lot of things like "well, standing all day while playing warhammer is roughly like 30 minutes of exercise" or "I spent all day walking around a museum," when what I need to get is heart rate increasing, sweat inducing aerobic exercise.

The new goal for this week is to get to the gym every day, and try to pull out of this dip.

Day 43 - The ups and downs of the PSMF

It's been six full weeks on this diet, and there have been fantastic results. I've lost 45lbs, I feel healthier and more energetic, clothes fit better, and I sleep better. I'm glad I started this diet, and I plan to stay on it for the duration.

That all said, some times I really despise the restrictions. I haven't had a drop of alcohol in six weeks, or a cookie, or a slice of pizza. I haven't had a potato or noodles or even a piece of fruit. Most diets have a release valve built in, some way to take some pressure off. On atkins you can at least eat fatty foods in quantity. A lot of people have an "off day" every week or two. On my diet, I can't stray even for a meal. I had 11oz of cheese and garlic crusted steak today (very good, btw), and I felt bad for eating so much at a meal. This, despite still being at the day's meat limit.

I haven't spent much time focusing on the negative, partly because it's self evident, and partly because I want to stay positive. Today, driving around on errands, I really wished I could eat normally. On a side note, if you get a chance one day, note how many ads for junk food you encounter. Billboards, commercials, signs: everywhere you go or look you're bombarded with offers for delicious food at low prices. I'm constantly reminded of what I can't have.

Day 40 - Check up time

I saw the bariatric doctor again today, for my first medical check up since I began the diet. My weight was down to 387lbs, for 45lbs since I started six weeks ago, and almost as importantly, 11lbs since I saw the nutritionist 11 days ago on April 1st. This means that my weight loss is still holding strong at seven pounds a week, a frankly astonishing rate. I also came in with a blood pressure of 130/80, a very nice drop since my first visit.

The doctor is very bullish on the bariatric surgery, which makes sense given it's success rate and how long the results last. I'm firmly committed to the diet, and I'd like to play it out before I start thinking too hard about surgery. Given my relatively young age, my very good health aside from the obesity, and my success thus far, I think that surgery would be an overly dramatic step at this point in my life.

The doctor doesn't put much stock in the keto-strips for testing my ketosis, which I suppose makes sense, given the fluctuating results I've seen. He told me I didn't need to use them, but I enjoy getting a confirmation that my body chemistry is correct (At least in terms of my diet.) I think my background in both academic science and swimming pool chemistry have made me trust simple chemical tests, and knowing that they aren't always trustworthy doesn't mean they have zero value, just a limited value.

He also said that he preferred if I ate more fish, instead of red meat. This is counter to what the nutritionist said. My mom seems to think that he needed to give some form of advice to justify his time and my money, and I'm not entirely certain she's wrong. On the other hand, I've completely changed the way I eat and my entire approach to food, and it's only been six weeks. I'm going to keep eating my steaks and ignore the fish as long as I keep losing weight. Take that, medical establishment!

Day 38 - Wedding Travels

This weekend I once again took my diet show on the road to an old friend's wedding. I packed food for an over night trip, but things quickly became more difficult due to both the catered food and the trip becoming much longer. The wedding spread looked (and from what I ate was) delicious, but it involved meatballs (with bread crumbs), sausages, breaded pork chops, and lightly breaded tilapia. Compromising between eating what I wanted and just holding out until after, I ate a few pieces of fish that I painstakingly de-breaded. A big part of having weird dietary restrictions is knowing that you can't expect people to cater to them, and this lesson was driven home pretty strongly. In the future, I'm bringing a cooked pork chop or chicken breast to anything I don't the menu to.

Adding to the fun was that I can't drink. In the past, I was an enthusiastic patron of any open bar I found myself at. Now, being completely limited, I'm finding myself finding new ways to enjoy events. If nothing else, I found out that I can dance completely sober. Still not well, but at least I have fun.

In addition to being down a meal, my girlfriend and I also decided to push the trip further by doing some touristy stuff in the area the next day. My food, stretched already, was enough for a breakfast and a snack, but I had to rely on restaurants in small town and truck stops for two meals. Neither was a huge problem (once you have to de-skin chicken anyway, it doesn't matter if it's breaded), but it's hard to get to your protein limit on restaurant cooking, aside from steaks. Luckily we found a buffet, at which I simply ate chicken. In other news, I found out that I can really enjoy a Burger King Tendergrill salad. While not optimal, it's a great solution for a quick meal.

Day 37 - In a Row

One of the things I've been waiting for most on my diet is to start noticing better fits in my clothing, and eventually having clothes simply be too large for me. Today was the first small signs that I'm shrinking: a pair of 58 dockers fit extremely well today, and I found a pair of 56 jeans in the back of my closet that while not comfy, at least buttoned without strain. Before my diet I was, shall we say, a generous size 60, so I figure I've officially lost a pants size.

On the more depressing side of things, there are still many things that I thought I should be able to fit into that are still far too tight on me. Still, any additions to my wardrobe are gifts from above. One of the hidden hassles of being hyper obese is the difficulty and expense in buying clothes. Not only are they hard to find, but a basic pair of jeans run $60 or more. With the few pieces I've been able to fit into I'm enjoying the same benefits most people get after spending a few hundred dollars at a department store.

I found a pair of black dockers in my closet that I'm not sure I even remember wearing. I'm glad I have them, as black pants are useful, but I'm not sure what to wear with them. I'll have to do some research. I get to wear my black suit to a wedding on Saturday, and it should fit better than it ever did. It was the largest a big men's store carried when I bought it a few years back, and it was pretty skin tight then. The jacket fit properly today, and the pants were almost comfortable.

Tangible achievements like this really help keep me going. I played some Warhammer today, and traditionally we go to Denny's afterward. I just had a diet coke, but damn did those nachos look and smell good. I very consciously shift in my seat, feeling how my pants felt on me to remind me that there was a reason for this diet.

Day 36 - an odd case of the munchies

One of the biggest upsides to this diet has always been it's appetite suppression. I eat so little because I'm not hungry, not due to some superhuman will power. Today, part of that security blanket has been removed, as I've had a nasty case of the munchies all day long. I think my mild deviations while I was home (non-fat cheese, bacon and ham, etc) may have created a certain demand for food. In some ways this is good, as it's making sure that I eat my meals. In some ways it's bad, as it makes me want to order a pizza.

I've been using the usual tricks to combat the cravings: drinking something enjoyable like an IBC root beer, trying to stay busy, or simply ignoring them. It's worked today, with no real danger of falling off the wagon, but feeling more physical hunger coupled with cravings for junk food is both new and slightly disturbing.

In better news, using my home scale I weighed in today at 388lbs, making it 14lbs in as many days. That's a good rate, one that I'd like to maintain for as long as possible.

Yesterday I went for a walk in the metropark, and discovered that I'm already in much better shape, walking further and faster than I was able to a year ago. Fitness is not my strong suit, but I'd like to get in shape at the same time as lose weight, as the more muscle I have, the faster I lose weight. In many ways, I think that's why this diet is so successful for me, but wouldn't be for other hyper obese people: I simply had at least some muscle tone under the fat. For a normal person I was sedentary, but for a person my size I had pretty noteworthy mobility. To give you an idea of the muscles I had to have, try walking a few miles, at any pace, while carrying enough weight to reach 400+ lbs. That's what I did every day.

One strange little milestone I reached over the weekend was running out of supplements. I had my prescription refilled and bought more magnesium, but it felt good to realize I had used up a months supply already. In many ways, I don't feel like I've been on the diet for five weeks, while in others I can barely remember eating normally. The closest comparison is from college, where every semester fall or spring break arrived both amazingly early and after far too long.

First Check up with Nutritionist

On Thursday, April 1st (Day 30), I had my four week check up with a nutritionist. My official weigh in was 398, for a 4 week loss of 35 lbs. After asking about my ketosis (consistently large, not unlike myself), and seeing my weight, she promptly informed me that I was "doing awesome."

I asked about nutrasweet, which is technically restricted on my diet, but she assured me that I was doing fine and I could keep drinking my beloved diet soda. More importantly, she stated an actual carb count goal number for me: under 40grams a day. That's not a lot, but when all starchy foods are eliminated, it's actually pretty easy.

A big new development of this is that certain processed foods, like ham and bacon, are now allowed as long as I keep it low key. Check fat counts, check carb counts, and be reasonable, but I can have two of my favorite meats.

One of the most exciting parts of this is that I should keep losing weight at a pretty fast clip for the duration. It won't be 9lbs a week, but it'll be pretty quick.