Day 202- There's a reason they're unofficial

Since my 287.6 weigh in on Friday, I haven't come close to that weight since. Today I came close, weighing 288lbs. Now, I clearly didn't gain two pounds in a day (which my Saturday weigh in implied), and maybe I haven't been uber strict in the last week, but I've been doing a lot of walking and I'm sure I'll have another big day of loss this week.

I finished the last of the beef tenderloin this morning, aside from what i froze. It was an amazing treat to enjoy this week, and I'm very glad I invested in it.

While I haven't been to the gym much, I'm walking further and more often than ever. I know I need to step up, but even getting a solid 40 minutes a day of powerwalking puts me in such a better place than I was that I can't feel too bad.

As part of my Catholic upbringing, I have a pretty finely tuned conciseness. I feel bad doing too many things to ignore it, so when I don't feel badly about something I usually figure it's ok. In previous slow downs I knew I was cheating, and while I had some bacon this weekend I simply know that this delay will work itself out. I only hope I'm right.

I'm Two thirds the man I used to be

Today's weigh in (highly unofficial) puts me at 287.6lbs, which is two thirds of what I started my diet at (432lbs). My love for post grunge aside, this really seems like a lot of weight. I mean, literally one third of my mass has simply disappeared. In some ways, it's shocking to think that the human body can put on and take off that much weight without any really negative consequences.

I'm also getting to the point where the amount of weight I've lost (144lbs) is equivalent to a fairly average sized woman. It's been a bit of a mental game for me to track roughly how much I've lost. The first big one was 50lbs, thinking back to the pool store and 50lb bags of sand. Roughly 75lbs was a German Shepherd, and at 120lbs or so I started joking that I've lost a "sorority girl." It's been fun meeting people that weigh less than I've lost.

Day 199 - Results and Australian Beef

Yesterday I treated myself to one of the more acceptable deviations I've discovered: a five guys bacon cheeseburger, with no bun, double grilled onions, double pickles, and mustard. Cooked down and without bun or mayo, double cheeseburgers simply aren't that horrible for you. Back calculating from the five guys info, a bacon cheeseburger (the double) is 920 calories, while the little bacon cheeseburger (single patty) is 630 calories. With a 290 calorie increase due to patty, and cheese, and knowing from the chart that the bacon is 80 calories, a bunless double is roughly 660 calories. That's not great, but i can work it into my diet. For example yesterday I also only ate 3oz of chicken thigh (~160 calories) and 7 oz of beef filet (~400 calories) for a daily total of 1220 calories, a little high but still very aggressive.

I may only order a single burger next time, or try harder to take some home, as I did feel full while eating but inertia caused me to finish the burger. It's probably the toughest habit to break for me. Simply putting off eating is easier than stopping once I'm digging in.

I did go shopping yesterday, and Giant Eagle has whole beef tenderloins, either USDA or Australian, for $9 and $8 respectively. The butcher told me that the Aussie would be gamier, but I tried it. He sliced it thinner than most filet for use on the Foreman. I rubbed it with a beef spice blend I made based on a recipe the beef council put out (salt, three peppers, garlic, onion, paprika, thyme, etc) and cooked it a delicious medium rare. Even on the Foreman the meat was amazingly tender and very flavorful. The thyme in particularly really brought out the meaty taste. While an expensive treat (although filet does not cook down nearly as much as most beef, resulting in more net meat), I'm very pleased with my purchase. I'll try to get a picture up next time I cook one.

Day 197 - Relative nature of weight loss

This morning (wednesday) I weighed in at 289.6lbs, meaning I lost a pound in two days. Even at that rate, I'd be doing great. Of course, that included the bucket of wings I ate on Tuesday (although to be fair they made me kind of sick and I didn't eat anything else of note). All in all, I think there is some serious meat left on the bone with this diet in terms of rapid weight loss. The only thing holding me back is me.

On a more contemplative tangent, I've been thinking a lot about how weight, and weight loss, is a very relative concept. The trigger for this was catching some of the Simpson's episode "King Size Homer," where Homer learns that he qualifies to work at home if disabled, which includes weight over 300lbs. Homer quickly gains the weight, starts wearing a muumuu, can't dial a phone because his fingers are too fat, and can't sit in a movie theater. Obviously it's satire (and damn funny), but by all reports Homer is roughly my height, and at the extreme of this episode, roughly my weight. He's seen as virtually unable to function in society due to his weight.

This made me really think about how I never felt as fat as I was, and after losing 140lbs, I really don't feel very fat at all. Yet I'm still well over 100lbs overweight, and I'm technically morbidly obese according to the charts. It's weird to see how people of my size are viewed (and view themselves) in contrast to how I feel (and how many people I know view me). I know that I've always carried my weight better than most people, and I doubt many people would guess my weight to be 290lbs today. There is a concept within the Fat Acceptance movement that "weight is just a number," and while I never completely agreed, I think that for me there has always been some truth to it, and now it's even more so. I am in pretty much every way completely healthy, yet according to the charts I'm at ridiculous risk of all kinds of horrible ailments. I simply don't feel morbidly obese, and I certainly don't feel like a pariah because of my weight.

Day 195 - Excellent Progress

This morning's weigh in was 290.6lbs, and the first time I've weighed myself on my own scale since Thursday morning. When I started my surge Wednesday, I weighed 295.8lbs, meaning I've lost five pounds in roughly five days. I guess that's pretty good progress.

I'm very happy with this sort of loss. I don't need to lose five pounds a week to justify my crazy ass diet, but I need to lose roughly 2-3lbs a week minimum to keep this up.

I'm looking forward to hopefully celebrating no longer being morbidly obese by the end of the week, as well as losing 1/3 of my total pre-diet mass. I'm very psyched. Potentially even enough to actually go to the gym...

Day 193 - Surge!

Much like in military strategy, I think that a surge or push of commitment to the diet is having positive effects early on. I've had three good days of strict adherence, including a heartbreaking moment yesterday when I grilled porterhouse steaks with my family but only ate the filet, leaving the strip for later. I'm not one to leave steak on the table, but I'm trying for three good weeks.

It is suprising, even to me, how little appetite I have when I'm good on the diet. I fill up quickly, I don't get hungry as long as I keep my mind busy, and I've been walking briskly for exercise.

Mentally, my current plan is to focus on short term goals. I'm not worried about reaching 250lbs, or staying on until march. Now I'm only worried about staying on until my doctor's appointment at the end of September. It's three weeks, which is emininently doable, and hopefully I'll crack the 287lb barrier along the way.

Day 191 - Back on the Horse

Yesterday I was hard core on the diet. Rigorous, I believe I call it. I kept my food intake under 16oz of protein, low fat, low carb. I drank plenty of water and walked for about an hour. My effort was rewarded through the loss of two pounds, and I'm down to 293.8.

I think my problems have been caused by finally figuring out how to snack and cheat while staying in ketosis. For the first four months, I stayed pure and clean for fear of losing my magical appetite suppressant. In July and August, I stress tested the diet, learning that cans of almonds, buckets of hot wings, and giant steaks all keep me in ketosis. Alas, Ketosis only works if I'm also at a calorie deficit. Couple this binging (in relative terms) with the fact that my daily calorie needs are a lot lower than when I was moving four bills around means that I've got to step up.

It's actually kind of strange, going back to eating a 2oz breakfast, and two glasses of water with it. And weighing my food again. I quickly found myself physically full when I ate my meals, yet my mind is constantly thinking about and wanting food. As long as I stay busy, I usually stay pretty on the level. Luckily I'm taking 18 credits and I have a few cases this fall to occupy my time.