Day 185 - Six Months!

As of today, I've officially been on this diet for six months. Like all passages of time, the days are slow but the months are fast. All in all, it's been a very successful half year.

I started weighing 432lbs, with a 60" waist (if I was lucky), slightly high blood pressure, and virtually no cardiovascular fitness. Today I'm weighing right at 300lbs, with a 52" that can fit into 50's better than I used to fit into 60's, excellent health, and improved endurance and overall fitness. I lost 132lbs in 184 days, or just over 11oz a day.

I've struggled to exercise enough, and I've struggled recently to stay on track food wise, but I haven't left the diet completely. I've stayed on my supplements, and the worst side effect I've noticed is that my hair is thinning. Hardly a day passes that I don't miss eating and drinking normally, but I'm still very happy with "Cheats" that don't kick me out of ketosis.

Life is easier now that I'm thinner. I can sit in any waiting area, buckle up in any car, shop with far more options. I have shirts from wal mart and Jc Penny, and in the coming months I'll be buying pants at those stores as well. I'm currently on the smallest notch of a belt that I couldn't wear before the diet.

The diet has had it's downsides. I've lost my cavalier attitude towards my weight, and I now feel bad about my body in ways I certainly never really admitted before. I can't say I didn't feel them, I just repressed or ignored them. Now, I'm aware, but as I'm working on them, I don't find myself dwelling on them too much.

I've found the lack of drinking to be harder than I had anticipated. I wasn't a heavy drinker, but I enjoyed a night of hard drinking from time to time. I find that I miss that, and the feeling of two beers with a meal after a long day.

I miss the feeling of eating for comfort. I miss pizza and burgers and Chinese food and tacos.

I'm afraid that I'll have virtually all of my old food issues when I leave the diet. I wonder what's wrong with me that I feel the need to eat like I do, even when I'm not hungry. I'm very aware now of when I'm hungry and when I'm not, and I still want to eat. There are times when I'm scared to leave the diet, because I think I'll simply put it all back on.

There are also times when I don't care if I put it all back on, I just want to eat like a human being.

All in all, the diet is a love hate thing. I hate the restrictions and the rules, but I love the results and the simplicity. The hardest thing for me to really face right now is the knowledge that this is simply the first short segment of a long, long process.