Since my 287.6 weigh in on Friday, I haven't come close to that weight since. Today I came close, weighing 288lbs. Now, I clearly didn't gain two pounds in a day (which my Saturday weigh in implied), and maybe I haven't been uber strict in the last week, but I've been doing a lot of walking and I'm sure I'll have another big day of loss this week.
I finished the last of the beef tenderloin this morning, aside from what i froze. It was an amazing treat to enjoy this week, and I'm very glad I invested in it.
While I haven't been to the gym much, I'm walking further and more often than ever. I know I need to step up, but even getting a solid 40 minutes a day of powerwalking puts me in such a better place than I was that I can't feel too bad.
As part of my Catholic upbringing, I have a pretty finely tuned conciseness. I feel bad doing too many things to ignore it, so when I don't feel badly about something I usually figure it's ok. In previous slow downs I knew I was cheating, and while I had some bacon this weekend I simply know that this delay will work itself out. I only hope I'm right.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
I'm Two thirds the man I used to be
Today's weigh in (highly unofficial) puts me at 287.6lbs, which is two thirds of what I started my diet at (432lbs). My love for post grunge aside, this really seems like a lot of weight. I mean, literally one third of my mass has simply disappeared. In some ways, it's shocking to think that the human body can put on and take off that much weight without any really negative consequences.
I'm also getting to the point where the amount of weight I've lost (144lbs) is equivalent to a fairly average sized woman. It's been a bit of a mental game for me to track roughly how much I've lost. The first big one was 50lbs, thinking back to the pool store and 50lb bags of sand. Roughly 75lbs was a German Shepherd, and at 120lbs or so I started joking that I've lost a "sorority girl." It's been fun meeting people that weigh less than I've lost.
I'm also getting to the point where the amount of weight I've lost (144lbs) is equivalent to a fairly average sized woman. It's been a bit of a mental game for me to track roughly how much I've lost. The first big one was 50lbs, thinking back to the pool store and 50lb bags of sand. Roughly 75lbs was a German Shepherd, and at 120lbs or so I started joking that I've lost a "sorority girl." It's been fun meeting people that weigh less than I've lost.
Day 199 - Results and Australian Beef
Yesterday I treated myself to one of the more acceptable deviations I've discovered: a five guys bacon cheeseburger, with no bun, double grilled onions, double pickles, and mustard. Cooked down and without bun or mayo, double cheeseburgers simply aren't that horrible for you. Back calculating from the five guys info, a bacon cheeseburger (the double) is 920 calories, while the little bacon cheeseburger (single patty) is 630 calories. With a 290 calorie increase due to patty, and cheese, and knowing from the chart that the bacon is 80 calories, a bunless double is roughly 660 calories. That's not great, but i can work it into my diet. For example yesterday I also only ate 3oz of chicken thigh (~160 calories) and 7 oz of beef filet (~400 calories) for a daily total of 1220 calories, a little high but still very aggressive.
I may only order a single burger next time, or try harder to take some home, as I did feel full while eating but inertia caused me to finish the burger. It's probably the toughest habit to break for me. Simply putting off eating is easier than stopping once I'm digging in.
I did go shopping yesterday, and Giant Eagle has whole beef tenderloins, either USDA or Australian, for $9 and $8 respectively. The butcher told me that the Aussie would be gamier, but I tried it. He sliced it thinner than most filet for use on the Foreman. I rubbed it with a beef spice blend I made based on a recipe the beef council put out (salt, three peppers, garlic, onion, paprika, thyme, etc) and cooked it a delicious medium rare. Even on the Foreman the meat was amazingly tender and very flavorful. The thyme in particularly really brought out the meaty taste. While an expensive treat (although filet does not cook down nearly as much as most beef, resulting in more net meat), I'm very pleased with my purchase. I'll try to get a picture up next time I cook one.
I may only order a single burger next time, or try harder to take some home, as I did feel full while eating but inertia caused me to finish the burger. It's probably the toughest habit to break for me. Simply putting off eating is easier than stopping once I'm digging in.
I did go shopping yesterday, and Giant Eagle has whole beef tenderloins, either USDA or Australian, for $9 and $8 respectively. The butcher told me that the Aussie would be gamier, but I tried it. He sliced it thinner than most filet for use on the Foreman. I rubbed it with a beef spice blend I made based on a recipe the beef council put out (salt, three peppers, garlic, onion, paprika, thyme, etc) and cooked it a delicious medium rare. Even on the Foreman the meat was amazingly tender and very flavorful. The thyme in particularly really brought out the meaty taste. While an expensive treat (although filet does not cook down nearly as much as most beef, resulting in more net meat), I'm very pleased with my purchase. I'll try to get a picture up next time I cook one.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Day 197 - Relative nature of weight loss
This morning (wednesday) I weighed in at 289.6lbs, meaning I lost a pound in two days. Even at that rate, I'd be doing great. Of course, that included the bucket of wings I ate on Tuesday (although to be fair they made me kind of sick and I didn't eat anything else of note). All in all, I think there is some serious meat left on the bone with this diet in terms of rapid weight loss. The only thing holding me back is me.
On a more contemplative tangent, I've been thinking a lot about how weight, and weight loss, is a very relative concept. The trigger for this was catching some of the Simpson's episode "King Size Homer," where Homer learns that he qualifies to work at home if disabled, which includes weight over 300lbs. Homer quickly gains the weight, starts wearing a muumuu, can't dial a phone because his fingers are too fat, and can't sit in a movie theater. Obviously it's satire (and damn funny), but by all reports Homer is roughly my height, and at the extreme of this episode, roughly my weight. He's seen as virtually unable to function in society due to his weight.
This made me really think about how I never felt as fat as I was, and after losing 140lbs, I really don't feel very fat at all. Yet I'm still well over 100lbs overweight, and I'm technically morbidly obese according to the charts. It's weird to see how people of my size are viewed (and view themselves) in contrast to how I feel (and how many people I know view me). I know that I've always carried my weight better than most people, and I doubt many people would guess my weight to be 290lbs today. There is a concept within the Fat Acceptance movement that "weight is just a number," and while I never completely agreed, I think that for me there has always been some truth to it, and now it's even more so. I am in pretty much every way completely healthy, yet according to the charts I'm at ridiculous risk of all kinds of horrible ailments. I simply don't feel morbidly obese, and I certainly don't feel like a pariah because of my weight.
On a more contemplative tangent, I've been thinking a lot about how weight, and weight loss, is a very relative concept. The trigger for this was catching some of the Simpson's episode "King Size Homer," where Homer learns that he qualifies to work at home if disabled, which includes weight over 300lbs. Homer quickly gains the weight, starts wearing a muumuu, can't dial a phone because his fingers are too fat, and can't sit in a movie theater. Obviously it's satire (and damn funny), but by all reports Homer is roughly my height, and at the extreme of this episode, roughly my weight. He's seen as virtually unable to function in society due to his weight.
This made me really think about how I never felt as fat as I was, and after losing 140lbs, I really don't feel very fat at all. Yet I'm still well over 100lbs overweight, and I'm technically morbidly obese according to the charts. It's weird to see how people of my size are viewed (and view themselves) in contrast to how I feel (and how many people I know view me). I know that I've always carried my weight better than most people, and I doubt many people would guess my weight to be 290lbs today. There is a concept within the Fat Acceptance movement that "weight is just a number," and while I never completely agreed, I think that for me there has always been some truth to it, and now it's even more so. I am in pretty much every way completely healthy, yet according to the charts I'm at ridiculous risk of all kinds of horrible ailments. I simply don't feel morbidly obese, and I certainly don't feel like a pariah because of my weight.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Day 195 - Excellent Progress
This morning's weigh in was 290.6lbs, and the first time I've weighed myself on my own scale since Thursday morning. When I started my surge Wednesday, I weighed 295.8lbs, meaning I've lost five pounds in roughly five days. I guess that's pretty good progress.
I'm very happy with this sort of loss. I don't need to lose five pounds a week to justify my crazy ass diet, but I need to lose roughly 2-3lbs a week minimum to keep this up.
I'm looking forward to hopefully celebrating no longer being morbidly obese by the end of the week, as well as losing 1/3 of my total pre-diet mass. I'm very psyched. Potentially even enough to actually go to the gym...
I'm very happy with this sort of loss. I don't need to lose five pounds a week to justify my crazy ass diet, but I need to lose roughly 2-3lbs a week minimum to keep this up.
I'm looking forward to hopefully celebrating no longer being morbidly obese by the end of the week, as well as losing 1/3 of my total pre-diet mass. I'm very psyched. Potentially even enough to actually go to the gym...
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Day 193 - Surge!
Much like in military strategy, I think that a surge or push of commitment to the diet is having positive effects early on. I've had three good days of strict adherence, including a heartbreaking moment yesterday when I grilled porterhouse steaks with my family but only ate the filet, leaving the strip for later. I'm not one to leave steak on the table, but I'm trying for three good weeks.
It is suprising, even to me, how little appetite I have when I'm good on the diet. I fill up quickly, I don't get hungry as long as I keep my mind busy, and I've been walking briskly for exercise.
Mentally, my current plan is to focus on short term goals. I'm not worried about reaching 250lbs, or staying on until march. Now I'm only worried about staying on until my doctor's appointment at the end of September. It's three weeks, which is emininently doable, and hopefully I'll crack the 287lb barrier along the way.
It is suprising, even to me, how little appetite I have when I'm good on the diet. I fill up quickly, I don't get hungry as long as I keep my mind busy, and I've been walking briskly for exercise.
Mentally, my current plan is to focus on short term goals. I'm not worried about reaching 250lbs, or staying on until march. Now I'm only worried about staying on until my doctor's appointment at the end of September. It's three weeks, which is emininently doable, and hopefully I'll crack the 287lb barrier along the way.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Day 191 - Back on the Horse
Yesterday I was hard core on the diet. Rigorous, I believe I call it. I kept my food intake under 16oz of protein, low fat, low carb. I drank plenty of water and walked for about an hour. My effort was rewarded through the loss of two pounds, and I'm down to 293.8.
I think my problems have been caused by finally figuring out how to snack and cheat while staying in ketosis. For the first four months, I stayed pure and clean for fear of losing my magical appetite suppressant. In July and August, I stress tested the diet, learning that cans of almonds, buckets of hot wings, and giant steaks all keep me in ketosis. Alas, Ketosis only works if I'm also at a calorie deficit. Couple this binging (in relative terms) with the fact that my daily calorie needs are a lot lower than when I was moving four bills around means that I've got to step up.
It's actually kind of strange, going back to eating a 2oz breakfast, and two glasses of water with it. And weighing my food again. I quickly found myself physically full when I ate my meals, yet my mind is constantly thinking about and wanting food. As long as I stay busy, I usually stay pretty on the level. Luckily I'm taking 18 credits and I have a few cases this fall to occupy my time.
I think my problems have been caused by finally figuring out how to snack and cheat while staying in ketosis. For the first four months, I stayed pure and clean for fear of losing my magical appetite suppressant. In July and August, I stress tested the diet, learning that cans of almonds, buckets of hot wings, and giant steaks all keep me in ketosis. Alas, Ketosis only works if I'm also at a calorie deficit. Couple this binging (in relative terms) with the fact that my daily calorie needs are a lot lower than when I was moving four bills around means that I've got to step up.
It's actually kind of strange, going back to eating a 2oz breakfast, and two glasses of water with it. And weighing my food again. I quickly found myself physically full when I ate my meals, yet my mind is constantly thinking about and wanting food. As long as I stay busy, I usually stay pretty on the level. Luckily I'm taking 18 credits and I have a few cases this fall to occupy my time.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Day 190 - Complete lack of progress
I weighed in this morning at 295.8lbs, meaning I've lost roughly three pounds in two weeks. I know that losing 1.5lbs a week is a solid accomplishment for most dieters, but as has been said many times in this blog, I'm not most dieters. If I'm going to lose weight slowly, then I feel that I should be able to live a lot more normally.
Regardless, I simply cannot deny that my rigor has been lacking, both in what and how much I eat, as well as in exercise. I meet with the doctor at the end of September, and I want to have a few weeks of strict adherence to the diet to base my decisions on when we discuss leaving the diet. There is the possibility that I simply have a floor, and I can't get much below 300lbs on this diet. There is also the possibility that I'm eating more than I think, not working out nearly enough, and thus seeing my weight loss slow.
I've lost 130lbs, and while calorie needs don't scale on a linear fashion, I have far less caloric needs to maintain my weight than I did six months ago. Back in March I could have eaten 2000 calories a day for a month and probably lost 15lbs. Now, my needs are probably closer to 2500-3000 calories and even eating all meat, it's easier to reach that level than you think.
Perhaps the most troubling thing for me is that I'm stress eating. I cooked three pork chops yesterday for brunch, and ate two of them. After class I cooked two more, and them both. Four pork chops weigh in between 24 and 32oz. Add in a jerky stick at school and I was roughly double my calories for the day. It's still under 2000 calories, but at this point nearly any diet I'm on should be under that. The problem isn't so much eating so much meat, it's why I ate so much: I'm stressed about being unemployed, and feeling pretty bad about it, and eating makes me feel better.
It's worrying because it shows that the diet hasn't really helped address the underlying problems I have with food, it simply ignored them. Which is fine, I'd rather lose weight right now than work out why I compulsively eat, but I'm going to have to deal with it at some point. I'm going to try to be more aware, and do all the standard cliches they recommend: replacing food with exercise, and thinking about eat bite, etc.
I hope to put up a few good weeks on the diet this month. If do it, and lose weight quickly again, than I'll know that I need to stay on. If I'm still stalled out, than I think it's time to make my peace with who I am. If I simply can't stay strictly on it... well, than I think I cycle off gracefully, take a break, and launch back into it after a few months.
Regardless, I simply cannot deny that my rigor has been lacking, both in what and how much I eat, as well as in exercise. I meet with the doctor at the end of September, and I want to have a few weeks of strict adherence to the diet to base my decisions on when we discuss leaving the diet. There is the possibility that I simply have a floor, and I can't get much below 300lbs on this diet. There is also the possibility that I'm eating more than I think, not working out nearly enough, and thus seeing my weight loss slow.
I've lost 130lbs, and while calorie needs don't scale on a linear fashion, I have far less caloric needs to maintain my weight than I did six months ago. Back in March I could have eaten 2000 calories a day for a month and probably lost 15lbs. Now, my needs are probably closer to 2500-3000 calories and even eating all meat, it's easier to reach that level than you think.
Perhaps the most troubling thing for me is that I'm stress eating. I cooked three pork chops yesterday for brunch, and ate two of them. After class I cooked two more, and them both. Four pork chops weigh in between 24 and 32oz. Add in a jerky stick at school and I was roughly double my calories for the day. It's still under 2000 calories, but at this point nearly any diet I'm on should be under that. The problem isn't so much eating so much meat, it's why I ate so much: I'm stressed about being unemployed, and feeling pretty bad about it, and eating makes me feel better.
It's worrying because it shows that the diet hasn't really helped address the underlying problems I have with food, it simply ignored them. Which is fine, I'd rather lose weight right now than work out why I compulsively eat, but I'm going to have to deal with it at some point. I'm going to try to be more aware, and do all the standard cliches they recommend: replacing food with exercise, and thinking about eat bite, etc.
I hope to put up a few good weeks on the diet this month. If do it, and lose weight quickly again, than I'll know that I need to stay on. If I'm still stalled out, than I think it's time to make my peace with who I am. If I simply can't stay strictly on it... well, than I think I cycle off gracefully, take a break, and launch back into it after a few months.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Day 185 - Six Months!
As of today, I've officially been on this diet for six months. Like all passages of time, the days are slow but the months are fast. All in all, it's been a very successful half year.
I started weighing 432lbs, with a 60" waist (if I was lucky), slightly high blood pressure, and virtually no cardiovascular fitness. Today I'm weighing right at 300lbs, with a 52" that can fit into 50's better than I used to fit into 60's, excellent health, and improved endurance and overall fitness. I lost 132lbs in 184 days, or just over 11oz a day.
I've struggled to exercise enough, and I've struggled recently to stay on track food wise, but I haven't left the diet completely. I've stayed on my supplements, and the worst side effect I've noticed is that my hair is thinning. Hardly a day passes that I don't miss eating and drinking normally, but I'm still very happy with "Cheats" that don't kick me out of ketosis.
Life is easier now that I'm thinner. I can sit in any waiting area, buckle up in any car, shop with far more options. I have shirts from wal mart and Jc Penny, and in the coming months I'll be buying pants at those stores as well. I'm currently on the smallest notch of a belt that I couldn't wear before the diet.
The diet has had it's downsides. I've lost my cavalier attitude towards my weight, and I now feel bad about my body in ways I certainly never really admitted before. I can't say I didn't feel them, I just repressed or ignored them. Now, I'm aware, but as I'm working on them, I don't find myself dwelling on them too much.
I've found the lack of drinking to be harder than I had anticipated. I wasn't a heavy drinker, but I enjoyed a night of hard drinking from time to time. I find that I miss that, and the feeling of two beers with a meal after a long day.
I miss the feeling of eating for comfort. I miss pizza and burgers and Chinese food and tacos.
I'm afraid that I'll have virtually all of my old food issues when I leave the diet. I wonder what's wrong with me that I feel the need to eat like I do, even when I'm not hungry. I'm very aware now of when I'm hungry and when I'm not, and I still want to eat. There are times when I'm scared to leave the diet, because I think I'll simply put it all back on.
There are also times when I don't care if I put it all back on, I just want to eat like a human being.
All in all, the diet is a love hate thing. I hate the restrictions and the rules, but I love the results and the simplicity. The hardest thing for me to really face right now is the knowledge that this is simply the first short segment of a long, long process.
I started weighing 432lbs, with a 60" waist (if I was lucky), slightly high blood pressure, and virtually no cardiovascular fitness. Today I'm weighing right at 300lbs, with a 52" that can fit into 50's better than I used to fit into 60's, excellent health, and improved endurance and overall fitness. I lost 132lbs in 184 days, or just over 11oz a day.
I've struggled to exercise enough, and I've struggled recently to stay on track food wise, but I haven't left the diet completely. I've stayed on my supplements, and the worst side effect I've noticed is that my hair is thinning. Hardly a day passes that I don't miss eating and drinking normally, but I'm still very happy with "Cheats" that don't kick me out of ketosis.
Life is easier now that I'm thinner. I can sit in any waiting area, buckle up in any car, shop with far more options. I have shirts from wal mart and Jc Penny, and in the coming months I'll be buying pants at those stores as well. I'm currently on the smallest notch of a belt that I couldn't wear before the diet.
The diet has had it's downsides. I've lost my cavalier attitude towards my weight, and I now feel bad about my body in ways I certainly never really admitted before. I can't say I didn't feel them, I just repressed or ignored them. Now, I'm aware, but as I'm working on them, I don't find myself dwelling on them too much.
I've found the lack of drinking to be harder than I had anticipated. I wasn't a heavy drinker, but I enjoyed a night of hard drinking from time to time. I find that I miss that, and the feeling of two beers with a meal after a long day.
I miss the feeling of eating for comfort. I miss pizza and burgers and Chinese food and tacos.
I'm afraid that I'll have virtually all of my old food issues when I leave the diet. I wonder what's wrong with me that I feel the need to eat like I do, even when I'm not hungry. I'm very aware now of when I'm hungry and when I'm not, and I still want to eat. There are times when I'm scared to leave the diet, because I think I'll simply put it all back on.
There are also times when I don't care if I put it all back on, I just want to eat like a human being.
All in all, the diet is a love hate thing. I hate the restrictions and the rules, but I love the results and the simplicity. The hardest thing for me to really face right now is the knowledge that this is simply the first short segment of a long, long process.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Day 184 - Back on Track
Even if the scale doesn't show it yet, I'm back on track. Two solid days of adherence to the diet, at least with regards to what I'm eating. I'm still a 3-5oz over each day, but that's not a huge deal. I'm just glad that I never had the really bad hunger pangs like I did after binging on jerky.
With it being summer, there's simply no really great way to get weight daily. I drink so much liquid just to keep cool, and I'm in and out of A/C environment where I do and don't sweat, that I know I'm retaining crazy water. I've literally woken up and been 4 or 5 pounds lighter than I was the previous day, after holding steady for a week. Given that problems I had as recently as four days ago, I'm not fixated on the scale right now. I will be in a few days, when the weather breaks and the last of the almonds are completely flushed from my system.
I'm planning on doing a six month retrospective tomorrow, as I started this diet on March 3rd. I was surprised that it's well past a half year by days, and then I remembered that while I've dieted through two of the 30 day months, the other half of the year has February. So I'm a few days over the technical line, I'm more interested in what month I'm in. I'm taking the GMAT tomorrow, so this retrospective will probably be written and even posted tonight.
With it being summer, there's simply no really great way to get weight daily. I drink so much liquid just to keep cool, and I'm in and out of A/C environment where I do and don't sweat, that I know I'm retaining crazy water. I've literally woken up and been 4 or 5 pounds lighter than I was the previous day, after holding steady for a week. Given that problems I had as recently as four days ago, I'm not fixated on the scale right now. I will be in a few days, when the weather breaks and the last of the almonds are completely flushed from my system.
I'm planning on doing a six month retrospective tomorrow, as I started this diet on March 3rd. I was surprised that it's well past a half year by days, and then I remembered that while I've dieted through two of the 30 day months, the other half of the year has February. So I'm a few days over the technical line, I'm more interested in what month I'm in. I'm taking the GMAT tomorrow, so this retrospective will probably be written and even posted tonight.
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