Trip to Adepticon

From Thursday through Sunday, I was on the road, attending the biggest Games Workshop gaming event in the North America: Adepticon. While I didn't get to play in any of the bigger tournaments, I played some pick up games, met some internet friends, and in general had a very fun time.

The amazing thing, for me, was that I was able to strictly keep to the diet the entire time. I grilled a bunch of chicken before I went, and I ate that and carrots cold for four straight days. I guess if I keep busy, food isn't that big a deal.

The biggest dilemma wasn't getting tired of the food I brought (although I did), it was the constant presence of food around me. Until last weekend, most of my food cravings were for food that I loved, but couldn't have anymore. Pizza, chicken nuggets, tacos, etc. For the most part, I craved high end stuff or old favorites, not junk. Last weekend, after three days of looking at hot dogs, pizza slices, and macaroni and cheese at a hotel buffet I begin to really, really hate my diet. I'm not even a full month in (out of six), but I spend almost more time thinking about food I can eat again, rather than the benefits of the weight loss.

While realizing exactly how big a part of my life food was has been something I know I'll need to spend time working in, it's also still true that a huge part of my life is missing right now. There are plenty of maxims and cliches about dealing with social events while dieting (enjoy the event, not the food), but food is a central aspect to social living. Every religion and culture centers traditions and rituals around food and meals. Family events, double dates, and any day long event all involve food. This was pounded home when I meet a bunch of guys at Adepticon: they promptly ordered and ate Chicago style deep dish pizza, while I sat there and drank water.

I've lived most of my life as a bit of a social outsider. I've never particularly fit in, and I've always been weird in at least one way. Between my nerdiness, my weight, my personality, whatever, it's been a bit of a struggle to enjoy the same social experiences as everybody else. While I know that in the long run this diet should hopefully change some of that, for the time being it's bringing it into sharper focus. Now I'm not only the fat nerdy guy, I'm also the fat nerdy guy that can't have beer and pizza with the guys.

On the flip side, losing weight is such a universal experience that you'd swear it was a categorical imperative. Virtually everybody, even strangers and wait staff, become supportive and helpful when you utter the magic words "I'm on a diet." Virtually everybody has their own dieting experiences to share with you. Some will try to relate to my own program, which is nice at times, but at times is very frustrating, simply because my own program is so different from other diets. It's a white/black style diet, with no shades of gray allowed. Four weeks into most diets, you can have a bacon cheese burger and fries, and it will simply be a setback. If I were to eat that, I'd probably be horribly sick, and then most likely leave ketosis. That would cause me to lose my appetite suppressant state, and would probably take two to three days to "reboot." So, while I feel bad that you were "naughty" on your diet, it's not the same thing, ok?

All in all, the trip was a lot for me to take in. I'm not as rock solid in my program as I thought, but I persevered. I want to lose weight so I can ride in cars and fit in places better. I know, deep down, that doing this now will allow me to do far more in two years.