So, it's time for the first serious setback I've experienced. True, I basically left ketosis after the half bag of jerky, and discovering that buffalo wings were low carb led to me only losing 15lbs in July, but I'm genuinely upset with myself after this last week, all thanks to delicious almonds.
yes, almonds are low carb, high in fiber, and are a delicious snack. They're also basically all fat, and when you eat two cans of them a day, that's 2000 calories of just almonds. In case anybody is curious, I have not lost any weight in a week.
My zest for low carb, but extremely caloric foods is becoming a problem. I'm almost never on target with my actual consumption, and I've probably had some sort of improper food 90% of the last 60 days.
I'm mad for two reasons: the first is that I'm not losing weight nearly as fast, and the second is that I'm still depriving myself of a huge number of things. I'm sacrificing too much to tread water or lose a pound a week.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Day 175 - A 299lb weakling
For the second morning in a row, I got a result south of 300lbs when I weighed myself, meaning I've achieved one of my bigger weight based goals. It feels really good, and even if some of the weight loss is due to post humidity/heat wave water loss, its still lost weight. I'm also seeing that I'll have a very good August: I've already lost 15lbs with a week left to go. After losing 15 in July, I was hoping that I could get the 20lbs a month back on track, and it looks like I might be able to get close to that.
There are times when I realize that I'm celebrating being at a weight that most people would be horrified to find themselves at, but there's no value in thinking like that. That I was once 432lbs is a fact, it's done, and I need to celebrate the progress I've made, and not rue how far I have left to go.
I'd commented in an earlier post about how weight loss might be a categorical imperative in the US, with most people either attempting it or thinking about it. Talking to people, I find them genuinely impressed when I tell them what I've lost. While waiting for my wings at the Linden Tavern (my treat for cracking 300), I stopped into the men's clothier next door. The salesman was in his 50's and wasn't wild about helping me at first, but I told him that I'd lost 130lbs and was still losing, he warmed right up. I'm still a ways out from their biggest stuff, but he figured at most another twenty, thirty pounds. After realizing he wasn't going to sell me anything, we still chatted a while about weight loss and diet.
I'm not prone to false (or really any) modesty, yet I still feel odd in taking credit for this weight loss. The program fits me like a glove, I've had ample financial and emotional support from my family, I had tons of time this year to cook properly and not be tempted at work, and I knew that by losing weight I could count on a steady stream of money from back home. I approached it like a job, knowing that if I didn't do it, I'd be broke soon. I'm plenty happy to reap the accolades, I guess, but I still wish more people understood that I'm not some master of human willpower or something. Mostly, I'm a guy that's scared of surgery and/or moving into my parent's basement.
Now that the 300lb barrier has been shattered, Chuck Yeager style, it is time to ponder the next handful of milestones. Next up is 287lbs, at which I will no longer be "morbidly" obese, instead I'll merely be "severely" obese. By a twist of fate, that is also the point at which I'll have lost fully one third of my start weight. Looking ahead further than that is 260lbs, which is a highly personal goal in that it's 100lbs above my "ideal" weight for my height (5'11"), thus totally eliminating me as a candidate for weight loss surgery. Beyond that, 250lbs is of course my goal weight for all of this, and at some point in there I should be able to start fitting into the biggest clothes offered at mainstream stores. I'm broke so I can't buy any, but at least I'll have the option!
All in all, I'm once again happy with the diet. July was rough, for a variety of reasons, and while I kept the faith it's rewarding to see results.
There are times when I realize that I'm celebrating being at a weight that most people would be horrified to find themselves at, but there's no value in thinking like that. That I was once 432lbs is a fact, it's done, and I need to celebrate the progress I've made, and not rue how far I have left to go.
I'd commented in an earlier post about how weight loss might be a categorical imperative in the US, with most people either attempting it or thinking about it. Talking to people, I find them genuinely impressed when I tell them what I've lost. While waiting for my wings at the Linden Tavern (my treat for cracking 300), I stopped into the men's clothier next door. The salesman was in his 50's and wasn't wild about helping me at first, but I told him that I'd lost 130lbs and was still losing, he warmed right up. I'm still a ways out from their biggest stuff, but he figured at most another twenty, thirty pounds. After realizing he wasn't going to sell me anything, we still chatted a while about weight loss and diet.
I'm not prone to false (or really any) modesty, yet I still feel odd in taking credit for this weight loss. The program fits me like a glove, I've had ample financial and emotional support from my family, I had tons of time this year to cook properly and not be tempted at work, and I knew that by losing weight I could count on a steady stream of money from back home. I approached it like a job, knowing that if I didn't do it, I'd be broke soon. I'm plenty happy to reap the accolades, I guess, but I still wish more people understood that I'm not some master of human willpower or something. Mostly, I'm a guy that's scared of surgery and/or moving into my parent's basement.
Now that the 300lb barrier has been shattered, Chuck Yeager style, it is time to ponder the next handful of milestones. Next up is 287lbs, at which I will no longer be "morbidly" obese, instead I'll merely be "severely" obese. By a twist of fate, that is also the point at which I'll have lost fully one third of my start weight. Looking ahead further than that is 260lbs, which is a highly personal goal in that it's 100lbs above my "ideal" weight for my height (5'11"), thus totally eliminating me as a candidate for weight loss surgery. Beyond that, 250lbs is of course my goal weight for all of this, and at some point in there I should be able to start fitting into the biggest clothes offered at mainstream stores. I'm broke so I can't buy any, but at least I'll have the option!
All in all, I'm once again happy with the diet. July was rough, for a variety of reasons, and while I kept the faith it's rewarding to see results.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Day 173 - So close!
I haven't posted in a while, so this is going to be a bit of a re-cap of the last four weeks, plus this morning's news. At the end of July, I visited the doctor for a check up. He was pleasantly surprised by my progress, although still decided he should remind me that people who got surgery keep the weight off longer. I felt like telling him that while that may be true, I'll worry about that the next time I need to lose weight, because right now the diet seems to be working.
My weigh in July 30th was officially 319lbs, for 113lbs lost. Apparently I've been miscalculating how much weight I lost, as my initial weigh in at the bariatric center was 432, not 433lbs. However, my initial weigh in when I went to the doctor for the referral was actually 442lbs, so somehow I lost 10lbs between my first doctor's visit and starting the diet. I haven't been counting that, as 10lbs at 442 is just over 2%, and could be explained through water retention, etc. Still, it is an "official" weigh in, and when the diet is complete, I might count the total weight loss from there, rather than from the 432. In the meantime, all of my progress has been measured against one yardstick, and I don't think it'd be fair to suddenly add 10lbs to my tally.
In terms of progress, this morning's news is mildly frustrating but actually exciting. After a disappointing July (only losing 15lbs, ending right around 315 instead of 310 as planned) I've had an equally uneven august. Today, however, I weighed in at 300.4lbs. I could have take off my shirt or tried some other way to squeak out a half pound, but I think I might just enjoy the feeling of being close to a big goal, and try to stay on course to blow past 300lbs by tomorrow.
I did speak with the doctor about how long I'm to stay on the diet, and he gave what I considered the worst possible answer: "Until you stop losing weight." I've gotten used to the diet, to be sure, but I was very much hoping to have an end date to look forward to. I'm in some sort of Gitmo style diet: I have no clue when I get to leave. Of course, given the increasingly sinister sounding "phase two" the doctor talks about, I'll probably never fully leave some sort of dietary control. I guess I'm to stay on the PSMF until my weight loss completely stops, and then I refeed. This worries me for another reason: I now can just sabotage the diet to leave it. Before, when it was based on time or amount of weight lost, I could focus on a goal. I'm a task oriented person, so that's fine. Now, it's about the process: stay on the diet until it stops working. Since I can make the diet stop working, I now can leave the diet whenever I want: just eat poorly.
I'm not going to do that yet. I'm still working on a few of my big goals. I'm almost under 300lbs, and I'm only about 15lbs from no longer being morbidly obese. I'm fitting easily into size 52 pants, meaning I'm not far from the upper ends of mainstream stores that stock 48s. For a variety of reasons, I think 250lbs is still a very good goal, and is the first point I'd feel comfortable really considering cycling off the diet. There is a part of me that's curious to see where I can end up if I just stay on it till the end.
My weigh in July 30th was officially 319lbs, for 113lbs lost. Apparently I've been miscalculating how much weight I lost, as my initial weigh in at the bariatric center was 432, not 433lbs. However, my initial weigh in when I went to the doctor for the referral was actually 442lbs, so somehow I lost 10lbs between my first doctor's visit and starting the diet. I haven't been counting that, as 10lbs at 442 is just over 2%, and could be explained through water retention, etc. Still, it is an "official" weigh in, and when the diet is complete, I might count the total weight loss from there, rather than from the 432. In the meantime, all of my progress has been measured against one yardstick, and I don't think it'd be fair to suddenly add 10lbs to my tally.
In terms of progress, this morning's news is mildly frustrating but actually exciting. After a disappointing July (only losing 15lbs, ending right around 315 instead of 310 as planned) I've had an equally uneven august. Today, however, I weighed in at 300.4lbs. I could have take off my shirt or tried some other way to squeak out a half pound, but I think I might just enjoy the feeling of being close to a big goal, and try to stay on course to blow past 300lbs by tomorrow.
I did speak with the doctor about how long I'm to stay on the diet, and he gave what I considered the worst possible answer: "Until you stop losing weight." I've gotten used to the diet, to be sure, but I was very much hoping to have an end date to look forward to. I'm in some sort of Gitmo style diet: I have no clue when I get to leave. Of course, given the increasingly sinister sounding "phase two" the doctor talks about, I'll probably never fully leave some sort of dietary control. I guess I'm to stay on the PSMF until my weight loss completely stops, and then I refeed. This worries me for another reason: I now can just sabotage the diet to leave it. Before, when it was based on time or amount of weight lost, I could focus on a goal. I'm a task oriented person, so that's fine. Now, it's about the process: stay on the diet until it stops working. Since I can make the diet stop working, I now can leave the diet whenever I want: just eat poorly.
I'm not going to do that yet. I'm still working on a few of my big goals. I'm almost under 300lbs, and I'm only about 15lbs from no longer being morbidly obese. I'm fitting easily into size 52 pants, meaning I'm not far from the upper ends of mainstream stores that stock 48s. For a variety of reasons, I think 250lbs is still a very good goal, and is the first point I'd feel comfortable really considering cycling off the diet. There is a part of me that's curious to see where I can end up if I just stay on it till the end.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Day 145 - This is why you don't freak out
I had a stretch of something like five or six days when my weight didn't change. When you lose five pounds a week, going five days without loss is noteworthy, but I kept trying to remind myself that there are a lot of reasons for even weekly variation.
In the last three days, I've lost six pounds. Now, I clearly haven't lost six pounds of fat in three days, even on my diet. What I have been doing is drinking in excess of a gallon of fluids a day, which leads to over eight pounds of mass flowing through me daily. Yesterday alone, I drank three two liters of diet Coke while playing Warhammer in a store without air conditioning. I'm still not sure how exactly I came out of that two pounds lighter this morning than I was before the tournament.
In terms of awareness, I'm in a sweet spot for people noticing my weight loss. Acquaintances I haven't seen for a month now notice that I'm losing weight, as 20lbs is pretty dramatic on a person my size. When I was losing weight faster, it was less noticeable, but in the future, I'll be losing weight more slowly, so it will take longer to be visible. Although I suppose on most people even 10lbs shows up pretty well.
With the last few days, I'm back on track to hit 310 by the end of the month. I have an official weigh-in at my doctors appointment wednesday, so I'll be able to calibrate back to what I weigh on my own scale. This is my first check up medically since mid may, and the first visit with the doctor since April. I've obviously made a lot of progress since then, and I'm curious as to his reaction. I also need to ask what the lower weight limit for my diet is. I'm sure I'm nowhere near it, but I currently plan on staying on the diet until the end of the year, cycling off in January and February, and thus starting my "phase two" Mediterranean diet roughly in March. According to one calculation, at my current pace I'll be down to roughly 250lbs by the beginning of November. Assuming my pace slows to 3lbs a week at that point, I'll by 226lbs by the end of the year, and so nearly 200lbs by next march, which will be a year. I don't know how long they'll keep my on the PSMF diet though, which is why I need to talk with the doctor.
In many ways, I'm less certain about my "goal" weight than I was when I started. I never really had one, I just wanted to lose weight. In many ways, I've surpassed my expectations. I had never really had luck with weight loss, and honestly I figured I'd be lucky to lose 40lbs, and get stuck. I had put 250lbs as a goal that would be very tough to reach, and 200lbs was a dream target. As of today, while I'm still 60lbs away from 250, I'm essentially 2/3 of the way there. I'm in the home stretch. I should be under 300lbs for the first time in roughly 7 years by mid august, and 250 by Halloween. I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing by just focusing on staying on the diet, and not worrying about my "goal," or if having a hard target would motivate me more.
I think the reason I'm less worried about a specific weight is that all of my goals, while still tangible, aren't directly linked to a specific weight number. The biggest mass based goal I have right now is to get under 287lbs, which is the upper limit for morbid obesity for my height. It's an arbitrary line in the sand, but it's a reasonable measure. In more of a "reach" goal, getting under 215lbs makes me no longer clinically obese at all. For everything else, my goals are more volume based: buying clothes normally, fitting into roller coasters, etc. I'm now adding more fitness based goals, which I think is helping. Weight is just a number, an important number, but while I fixate on it for evidence of progress in how much weight I've lost, I'm not too concerned about where I end up, as long as I'm healthy and happy.
In the last three days, I've lost six pounds. Now, I clearly haven't lost six pounds of fat in three days, even on my diet. What I have been doing is drinking in excess of a gallon of fluids a day, which leads to over eight pounds of mass flowing through me daily. Yesterday alone, I drank three two liters of diet Coke while playing Warhammer in a store without air conditioning. I'm still not sure how exactly I came out of that two pounds lighter this morning than I was before the tournament.
In terms of awareness, I'm in a sweet spot for people noticing my weight loss. Acquaintances I haven't seen for a month now notice that I'm losing weight, as 20lbs is pretty dramatic on a person my size. When I was losing weight faster, it was less noticeable, but in the future, I'll be losing weight more slowly, so it will take longer to be visible. Although I suppose on most people even 10lbs shows up pretty well.
With the last few days, I'm back on track to hit 310 by the end of the month. I have an official weigh-in at my doctors appointment wednesday, so I'll be able to calibrate back to what I weigh on my own scale. This is my first check up medically since mid may, and the first visit with the doctor since April. I've obviously made a lot of progress since then, and I'm curious as to his reaction. I also need to ask what the lower weight limit for my diet is. I'm sure I'm nowhere near it, but I currently plan on staying on the diet until the end of the year, cycling off in January and February, and thus starting my "phase two" Mediterranean diet roughly in March. According to one calculation, at my current pace I'll be down to roughly 250lbs by the beginning of November. Assuming my pace slows to 3lbs a week at that point, I'll by 226lbs by the end of the year, and so nearly 200lbs by next march, which will be a year. I don't know how long they'll keep my on the PSMF diet though, which is why I need to talk with the doctor.
In many ways, I'm less certain about my "goal" weight than I was when I started. I never really had one, I just wanted to lose weight. In many ways, I've surpassed my expectations. I had never really had luck with weight loss, and honestly I figured I'd be lucky to lose 40lbs, and get stuck. I had put 250lbs as a goal that would be very tough to reach, and 200lbs was a dream target. As of today, while I'm still 60lbs away from 250, I'm essentially 2/3 of the way there. I'm in the home stretch. I should be under 300lbs for the first time in roughly 7 years by mid august, and 250 by Halloween. I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing by just focusing on staying on the diet, and not worrying about my "goal," or if having a hard target would motivate me more.
I think the reason I'm less worried about a specific weight is that all of my goals, while still tangible, aren't directly linked to a specific weight number. The biggest mass based goal I have right now is to get under 287lbs, which is the upper limit for morbid obesity for my height. It's an arbitrary line in the sand, but it's a reasonable measure. In more of a "reach" goal, getting under 215lbs makes me no longer clinically obese at all. For everything else, my goals are more volume based: buying clothes normally, fitting into roller coasters, etc. I'm now adding more fitness based goals, which I think is helping. Weight is just a number, an important number, but while I fixate on it for evidence of progress in how much weight I've lost, I'm not too concerned about where I end up, as long as I'm healthy and happy.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Day 141 - Weightlifting and a lack of progress
The two biggest news items for the past five days have to be the fact that I've started some weight training, and that I haven't lost any actual weight.
The weight training, as a good thing, is what I'm focusing on mentally. I took the upper body training class at Planet fitness Monday morning (at 8am!), and then stayed for a full workout. Today I got there soon before close and polished off a lifting workout plus 20 intense minutes on the elliptical. I'm noticing that I'm able to reach and maintain far higher speeds on the ellipe, and that I'm sweating less. I have to push harder to make sure I'm still in the cardio zone, but I'm glad that I'm getting into better shape. In terms of strength training, I'm in a pretty weak spot. Upper body strength was never a big part of my skill portfolio, but I'm a lot weaker than I had realized. Admittedly, everything is on machines and I can't really compare what I'm doing to what i did at 19 years old, but I know that I was not a minute too soon in starting a weight training. The second day went a bit easier for some exercises, and felt more burn on a few others. All told, I expect to see some rapid progress.
In terms of actual weight, I don't' know if I should continue to blame my Herculean soda intake and the associated water retention for not losing weight, or the three days of eating way too much food, or simply a natural plateau. I figure all three are probably factors. I've reaffirmed a very strict adherence to the diet, I'm trying to drink more water and less soda, and I'm aware that if I'm building muscle, I might not lose pounds on the scale. I don't mind, as any muscle growth will pay dividends for years.
The weight training, as a good thing, is what I'm focusing on mentally. I took the upper body training class at Planet fitness Monday morning (at 8am!), and then stayed for a full workout. Today I got there soon before close and polished off a lifting workout plus 20 intense minutes on the elliptical. I'm noticing that I'm able to reach and maintain far higher speeds on the ellipe, and that I'm sweating less. I have to push harder to make sure I'm still in the cardio zone, but I'm glad that I'm getting into better shape. In terms of strength training, I'm in a pretty weak spot. Upper body strength was never a big part of my skill portfolio, but I'm a lot weaker than I had realized. Admittedly, everything is on machines and I can't really compare what I'm doing to what i did at 19 years old, but I know that I was not a minute too soon in starting a weight training. The second day went a bit easier for some exercises, and felt more burn on a few others. All told, I expect to see some rapid progress.
In terms of actual weight, I don't' know if I should continue to blame my Herculean soda intake and the associated water retention for not losing weight, or the three days of eating way too much food, or simply a natural plateau. I figure all three are probably factors. I've reaffirmed a very strict adherence to the diet, I'm trying to drink more water and less soda, and I'm aware that if I'm building muscle, I might not lose pounds on the scale. I don't mind, as any muscle growth will pay dividends for years.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Day 136 - Fitness Progress
I've been getting at least some serious exercise for each of the past four days, including today, and I'm happy with the results. I started on tuesday with a power walk mixed with a few brief jogs, I upped that to four 30 second jogs on Wednesday, and today I did 4 40 second jobs on the treadmill at the gym. I knocked out 40 minutes on an elliptical yesterday, and did 10 minutes on an arc trainer today in addition to my walk/jog. My goal is to start the eight weeks to a 5k plan in two or three weeks. You know you're out of shape when you have to train just to start a very basic training regimen, but I'm seeing progress in how I feel, how fast I can go, how long I can go, etc.
The one, albeit temporary, downside is that I'm sure that I'm building muscle during this, which is slowing my weight loss. Now, the extra muscle is going to keep my loss rate high as long as I keep it, so I'm not complaining, but I need to be aware that my absolute weight loss may slow down a bit.
I signed up for an 8am upper body strength training class on Monday. The trainer told me to bring my training sheet. The one we did 4 months ago that I haven't looked at since, and I've moved apartments and lost 100lbs since we did. I think it's safe to say I'm just going to do a new training sheet.
The one, albeit temporary, downside is that I'm sure that I'm building muscle during this, which is slowing my weight loss. Now, the extra muscle is going to keep my loss rate high as long as I keep it, so I'm not complaining, but I need to be aware that my absolute weight loss may slow down a bit.
I signed up for an 8am upper body strength training class on Monday. The trainer told me to bring my training sheet. The one we did 4 months ago that I haven't looked at since, and I've moved apartments and lost 100lbs since we did. I think it's safe to say I'm just going to do a new training sheet.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Running
I couldn't sleep tonight, so i decided to go for a walk. I was so filled with energy, however, that I actually tried running a small amount as well. I never managed to last more than about 30 seconds, but it felt amazing to run again. I'm sure I'll grow to hate it like I always used to, but for now I'm enjoying my new found ability.
I've always had a love/hate relationship with physical fitness. As a kid, I was never exactly fit, but I never was horribly out of shape either. I couldn't do a pull up or run worth a damn, but I was a competitive swimmer in high school, and backpacked in rugged terrain with a 60lb pack. As I lose weight, I'm very interested in where I end up, fitness wise. I've definitively decided to try to work out more often. I want to start weight training to help the slight loose skin I have in my arms, as well as to generally bulk up. I also want to step up my cardio efforts. If I work at it, I should be able to get into shape at roughly the same pace I lose weight. Since I had enough muscle to move my bulk around before, as I lose weight my underlying base actually improves.
It helps that I'm less ridiculously fat. It's a cruel fact that when you're fat, you feel ashamed to be seen working out. That was never a huge problem for me, but I'm feeling better about myself and I'm more eager to hit the gym.
In general, I feel like I need some motivation to stop procrastinating and start exercising more. Any assistance from the peanut gallery will be greatly appreciated.
I've always had a love/hate relationship with physical fitness. As a kid, I was never exactly fit, but I never was horribly out of shape either. I couldn't do a pull up or run worth a damn, but I was a competitive swimmer in high school, and backpacked in rugged terrain with a 60lb pack. As I lose weight, I'm very interested in where I end up, fitness wise. I've definitively decided to try to work out more often. I want to start weight training to help the slight loose skin I have in my arms, as well as to generally bulk up. I also want to step up my cardio efforts. If I work at it, I should be able to get into shape at roughly the same pace I lose weight. Since I had enough muscle to move my bulk around before, as I lose weight my underlying base actually improves.
It helps that I'm less ridiculously fat. It's a cruel fact that when you're fat, you feel ashamed to be seen working out. That was never a huge problem for me, but I'm feeling better about myself and I'm more eager to hit the gym.
In general, I feel like I need some motivation to stop procrastinating and start exercising more. Any assistance from the peanut gallery will be greatly appreciated.
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