Since my 287.6 weigh in on Friday, I haven't come close to that weight since. Today I came close, weighing 288lbs. Now, I clearly didn't gain two pounds in a day (which my Saturday weigh in implied), and maybe I haven't been uber strict in the last week, but I've been doing a lot of walking and I'm sure I'll have another big day of loss this week.
I finished the last of the beef tenderloin this morning, aside from what i froze. It was an amazing treat to enjoy this week, and I'm very glad I invested in it.
While I haven't been to the gym much, I'm walking further and more often than ever. I know I need to step up, but even getting a solid 40 minutes a day of powerwalking puts me in such a better place than I was that I can't feel too bad.
As part of my Catholic upbringing, I have a pretty finely tuned conciseness. I feel bad doing too many things to ignore it, so when I don't feel badly about something I usually figure it's ok. In previous slow downs I knew I was cheating, and while I had some bacon this weekend I simply know that this delay will work itself out. I only hope I'm right.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
I'm Two thirds the man I used to be
Today's weigh in (highly unofficial) puts me at 287.6lbs, which is two thirds of what I started my diet at (432lbs). My love for post grunge aside, this really seems like a lot of weight. I mean, literally one third of my mass has simply disappeared. In some ways, it's shocking to think that the human body can put on and take off that much weight without any really negative consequences.
I'm also getting to the point where the amount of weight I've lost (144lbs) is equivalent to a fairly average sized woman. It's been a bit of a mental game for me to track roughly how much I've lost. The first big one was 50lbs, thinking back to the pool store and 50lb bags of sand. Roughly 75lbs was a German Shepherd, and at 120lbs or so I started joking that I've lost a "sorority girl." It's been fun meeting people that weigh less than I've lost.
I'm also getting to the point where the amount of weight I've lost (144lbs) is equivalent to a fairly average sized woman. It's been a bit of a mental game for me to track roughly how much I've lost. The first big one was 50lbs, thinking back to the pool store and 50lb bags of sand. Roughly 75lbs was a German Shepherd, and at 120lbs or so I started joking that I've lost a "sorority girl." It's been fun meeting people that weigh less than I've lost.
Day 199 - Results and Australian Beef
Yesterday I treated myself to one of the more acceptable deviations I've discovered: a five guys bacon cheeseburger, with no bun, double grilled onions, double pickles, and mustard. Cooked down and without bun or mayo, double cheeseburgers simply aren't that horrible for you. Back calculating from the five guys info, a bacon cheeseburger (the double) is 920 calories, while the little bacon cheeseburger (single patty) is 630 calories. With a 290 calorie increase due to patty, and cheese, and knowing from the chart that the bacon is 80 calories, a bunless double is roughly 660 calories. That's not great, but i can work it into my diet. For example yesterday I also only ate 3oz of chicken thigh (~160 calories) and 7 oz of beef filet (~400 calories) for a daily total of 1220 calories, a little high but still very aggressive.
I may only order a single burger next time, or try harder to take some home, as I did feel full while eating but inertia caused me to finish the burger. It's probably the toughest habit to break for me. Simply putting off eating is easier than stopping once I'm digging in.
I did go shopping yesterday, and Giant Eagle has whole beef tenderloins, either USDA or Australian, for $9 and $8 respectively. The butcher told me that the Aussie would be gamier, but I tried it. He sliced it thinner than most filet for use on the Foreman. I rubbed it with a beef spice blend I made based on a recipe the beef council put out (salt, three peppers, garlic, onion, paprika, thyme, etc) and cooked it a delicious medium rare. Even on the Foreman the meat was amazingly tender and very flavorful. The thyme in particularly really brought out the meaty taste. While an expensive treat (although filet does not cook down nearly as much as most beef, resulting in more net meat), I'm very pleased with my purchase. I'll try to get a picture up next time I cook one.
I may only order a single burger next time, or try harder to take some home, as I did feel full while eating but inertia caused me to finish the burger. It's probably the toughest habit to break for me. Simply putting off eating is easier than stopping once I'm digging in.
I did go shopping yesterday, and Giant Eagle has whole beef tenderloins, either USDA or Australian, for $9 and $8 respectively. The butcher told me that the Aussie would be gamier, but I tried it. He sliced it thinner than most filet for use on the Foreman. I rubbed it with a beef spice blend I made based on a recipe the beef council put out (salt, three peppers, garlic, onion, paprika, thyme, etc) and cooked it a delicious medium rare. Even on the Foreman the meat was amazingly tender and very flavorful. The thyme in particularly really brought out the meaty taste. While an expensive treat (although filet does not cook down nearly as much as most beef, resulting in more net meat), I'm very pleased with my purchase. I'll try to get a picture up next time I cook one.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Day 197 - Relative nature of weight loss
This morning (wednesday) I weighed in at 289.6lbs, meaning I lost a pound in two days. Even at that rate, I'd be doing great. Of course, that included the bucket of wings I ate on Tuesday (although to be fair they made me kind of sick and I didn't eat anything else of note). All in all, I think there is some serious meat left on the bone with this diet in terms of rapid weight loss. The only thing holding me back is me.
On a more contemplative tangent, I've been thinking a lot about how weight, and weight loss, is a very relative concept. The trigger for this was catching some of the Simpson's episode "King Size Homer," where Homer learns that he qualifies to work at home if disabled, which includes weight over 300lbs. Homer quickly gains the weight, starts wearing a muumuu, can't dial a phone because his fingers are too fat, and can't sit in a movie theater. Obviously it's satire (and damn funny), but by all reports Homer is roughly my height, and at the extreme of this episode, roughly my weight. He's seen as virtually unable to function in society due to his weight.
This made me really think about how I never felt as fat as I was, and after losing 140lbs, I really don't feel very fat at all. Yet I'm still well over 100lbs overweight, and I'm technically morbidly obese according to the charts. It's weird to see how people of my size are viewed (and view themselves) in contrast to how I feel (and how many people I know view me). I know that I've always carried my weight better than most people, and I doubt many people would guess my weight to be 290lbs today. There is a concept within the Fat Acceptance movement that "weight is just a number," and while I never completely agreed, I think that for me there has always been some truth to it, and now it's even more so. I am in pretty much every way completely healthy, yet according to the charts I'm at ridiculous risk of all kinds of horrible ailments. I simply don't feel morbidly obese, and I certainly don't feel like a pariah because of my weight.
On a more contemplative tangent, I've been thinking a lot about how weight, and weight loss, is a very relative concept. The trigger for this was catching some of the Simpson's episode "King Size Homer," where Homer learns that he qualifies to work at home if disabled, which includes weight over 300lbs. Homer quickly gains the weight, starts wearing a muumuu, can't dial a phone because his fingers are too fat, and can't sit in a movie theater. Obviously it's satire (and damn funny), but by all reports Homer is roughly my height, and at the extreme of this episode, roughly my weight. He's seen as virtually unable to function in society due to his weight.
This made me really think about how I never felt as fat as I was, and after losing 140lbs, I really don't feel very fat at all. Yet I'm still well over 100lbs overweight, and I'm technically morbidly obese according to the charts. It's weird to see how people of my size are viewed (and view themselves) in contrast to how I feel (and how many people I know view me). I know that I've always carried my weight better than most people, and I doubt many people would guess my weight to be 290lbs today. There is a concept within the Fat Acceptance movement that "weight is just a number," and while I never completely agreed, I think that for me there has always been some truth to it, and now it's even more so. I am in pretty much every way completely healthy, yet according to the charts I'm at ridiculous risk of all kinds of horrible ailments. I simply don't feel morbidly obese, and I certainly don't feel like a pariah because of my weight.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Day 195 - Excellent Progress
This morning's weigh in was 290.6lbs, and the first time I've weighed myself on my own scale since Thursday morning. When I started my surge Wednesday, I weighed 295.8lbs, meaning I've lost five pounds in roughly five days. I guess that's pretty good progress.
I'm very happy with this sort of loss. I don't need to lose five pounds a week to justify my crazy ass diet, but I need to lose roughly 2-3lbs a week minimum to keep this up.
I'm looking forward to hopefully celebrating no longer being morbidly obese by the end of the week, as well as losing 1/3 of my total pre-diet mass. I'm very psyched. Potentially even enough to actually go to the gym...
I'm very happy with this sort of loss. I don't need to lose five pounds a week to justify my crazy ass diet, but I need to lose roughly 2-3lbs a week minimum to keep this up.
I'm looking forward to hopefully celebrating no longer being morbidly obese by the end of the week, as well as losing 1/3 of my total pre-diet mass. I'm very psyched. Potentially even enough to actually go to the gym...
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Day 193 - Surge!
Much like in military strategy, I think that a surge or push of commitment to the diet is having positive effects early on. I've had three good days of strict adherence, including a heartbreaking moment yesterday when I grilled porterhouse steaks with my family but only ate the filet, leaving the strip for later. I'm not one to leave steak on the table, but I'm trying for three good weeks.
It is suprising, even to me, how little appetite I have when I'm good on the diet. I fill up quickly, I don't get hungry as long as I keep my mind busy, and I've been walking briskly for exercise.
Mentally, my current plan is to focus on short term goals. I'm not worried about reaching 250lbs, or staying on until march. Now I'm only worried about staying on until my doctor's appointment at the end of September. It's three weeks, which is emininently doable, and hopefully I'll crack the 287lb barrier along the way.
It is suprising, even to me, how little appetite I have when I'm good on the diet. I fill up quickly, I don't get hungry as long as I keep my mind busy, and I've been walking briskly for exercise.
Mentally, my current plan is to focus on short term goals. I'm not worried about reaching 250lbs, or staying on until march. Now I'm only worried about staying on until my doctor's appointment at the end of September. It's three weeks, which is emininently doable, and hopefully I'll crack the 287lb barrier along the way.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Day 191 - Back on the Horse
Yesterday I was hard core on the diet. Rigorous, I believe I call it. I kept my food intake under 16oz of protein, low fat, low carb. I drank plenty of water and walked for about an hour. My effort was rewarded through the loss of two pounds, and I'm down to 293.8.
I think my problems have been caused by finally figuring out how to snack and cheat while staying in ketosis. For the first four months, I stayed pure and clean for fear of losing my magical appetite suppressant. In July and August, I stress tested the diet, learning that cans of almonds, buckets of hot wings, and giant steaks all keep me in ketosis. Alas, Ketosis only works if I'm also at a calorie deficit. Couple this binging (in relative terms) with the fact that my daily calorie needs are a lot lower than when I was moving four bills around means that I've got to step up.
It's actually kind of strange, going back to eating a 2oz breakfast, and two glasses of water with it. And weighing my food again. I quickly found myself physically full when I ate my meals, yet my mind is constantly thinking about and wanting food. As long as I stay busy, I usually stay pretty on the level. Luckily I'm taking 18 credits and I have a few cases this fall to occupy my time.
I think my problems have been caused by finally figuring out how to snack and cheat while staying in ketosis. For the first four months, I stayed pure and clean for fear of losing my magical appetite suppressant. In July and August, I stress tested the diet, learning that cans of almonds, buckets of hot wings, and giant steaks all keep me in ketosis. Alas, Ketosis only works if I'm also at a calorie deficit. Couple this binging (in relative terms) with the fact that my daily calorie needs are a lot lower than when I was moving four bills around means that I've got to step up.
It's actually kind of strange, going back to eating a 2oz breakfast, and two glasses of water with it. And weighing my food again. I quickly found myself physically full when I ate my meals, yet my mind is constantly thinking about and wanting food. As long as I stay busy, I usually stay pretty on the level. Luckily I'm taking 18 credits and I have a few cases this fall to occupy my time.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Day 190 - Complete lack of progress
I weighed in this morning at 295.8lbs, meaning I've lost roughly three pounds in two weeks. I know that losing 1.5lbs a week is a solid accomplishment for most dieters, but as has been said many times in this blog, I'm not most dieters. If I'm going to lose weight slowly, then I feel that I should be able to live a lot more normally.
Regardless, I simply cannot deny that my rigor has been lacking, both in what and how much I eat, as well as in exercise. I meet with the doctor at the end of September, and I want to have a few weeks of strict adherence to the diet to base my decisions on when we discuss leaving the diet. There is the possibility that I simply have a floor, and I can't get much below 300lbs on this diet. There is also the possibility that I'm eating more than I think, not working out nearly enough, and thus seeing my weight loss slow.
I've lost 130lbs, and while calorie needs don't scale on a linear fashion, I have far less caloric needs to maintain my weight than I did six months ago. Back in March I could have eaten 2000 calories a day for a month and probably lost 15lbs. Now, my needs are probably closer to 2500-3000 calories and even eating all meat, it's easier to reach that level than you think.
Perhaps the most troubling thing for me is that I'm stress eating. I cooked three pork chops yesterday for brunch, and ate two of them. After class I cooked two more, and them both. Four pork chops weigh in between 24 and 32oz. Add in a jerky stick at school and I was roughly double my calories for the day. It's still under 2000 calories, but at this point nearly any diet I'm on should be under that. The problem isn't so much eating so much meat, it's why I ate so much: I'm stressed about being unemployed, and feeling pretty bad about it, and eating makes me feel better.
It's worrying because it shows that the diet hasn't really helped address the underlying problems I have with food, it simply ignored them. Which is fine, I'd rather lose weight right now than work out why I compulsively eat, but I'm going to have to deal with it at some point. I'm going to try to be more aware, and do all the standard cliches they recommend: replacing food with exercise, and thinking about eat bite, etc.
I hope to put up a few good weeks on the diet this month. If do it, and lose weight quickly again, than I'll know that I need to stay on. If I'm still stalled out, than I think it's time to make my peace with who I am. If I simply can't stay strictly on it... well, than I think I cycle off gracefully, take a break, and launch back into it after a few months.
Regardless, I simply cannot deny that my rigor has been lacking, both in what and how much I eat, as well as in exercise. I meet with the doctor at the end of September, and I want to have a few weeks of strict adherence to the diet to base my decisions on when we discuss leaving the diet. There is the possibility that I simply have a floor, and I can't get much below 300lbs on this diet. There is also the possibility that I'm eating more than I think, not working out nearly enough, and thus seeing my weight loss slow.
I've lost 130lbs, and while calorie needs don't scale on a linear fashion, I have far less caloric needs to maintain my weight than I did six months ago. Back in March I could have eaten 2000 calories a day for a month and probably lost 15lbs. Now, my needs are probably closer to 2500-3000 calories and even eating all meat, it's easier to reach that level than you think.
Perhaps the most troubling thing for me is that I'm stress eating. I cooked three pork chops yesterday for brunch, and ate two of them. After class I cooked two more, and them both. Four pork chops weigh in between 24 and 32oz. Add in a jerky stick at school and I was roughly double my calories for the day. It's still under 2000 calories, but at this point nearly any diet I'm on should be under that. The problem isn't so much eating so much meat, it's why I ate so much: I'm stressed about being unemployed, and feeling pretty bad about it, and eating makes me feel better.
It's worrying because it shows that the diet hasn't really helped address the underlying problems I have with food, it simply ignored them. Which is fine, I'd rather lose weight right now than work out why I compulsively eat, but I'm going to have to deal with it at some point. I'm going to try to be more aware, and do all the standard cliches they recommend: replacing food with exercise, and thinking about eat bite, etc.
I hope to put up a few good weeks on the diet this month. If do it, and lose weight quickly again, than I'll know that I need to stay on. If I'm still stalled out, than I think it's time to make my peace with who I am. If I simply can't stay strictly on it... well, than I think I cycle off gracefully, take a break, and launch back into it after a few months.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Day 185 - Six Months!
As of today, I've officially been on this diet for six months. Like all passages of time, the days are slow but the months are fast. All in all, it's been a very successful half year.
I started weighing 432lbs, with a 60" waist (if I was lucky), slightly high blood pressure, and virtually no cardiovascular fitness. Today I'm weighing right at 300lbs, with a 52" that can fit into 50's better than I used to fit into 60's, excellent health, and improved endurance and overall fitness. I lost 132lbs in 184 days, or just over 11oz a day.
I've struggled to exercise enough, and I've struggled recently to stay on track food wise, but I haven't left the diet completely. I've stayed on my supplements, and the worst side effect I've noticed is that my hair is thinning. Hardly a day passes that I don't miss eating and drinking normally, but I'm still very happy with "Cheats" that don't kick me out of ketosis.
Life is easier now that I'm thinner. I can sit in any waiting area, buckle up in any car, shop with far more options. I have shirts from wal mart and Jc Penny, and in the coming months I'll be buying pants at those stores as well. I'm currently on the smallest notch of a belt that I couldn't wear before the diet.
The diet has had it's downsides. I've lost my cavalier attitude towards my weight, and I now feel bad about my body in ways I certainly never really admitted before. I can't say I didn't feel them, I just repressed or ignored them. Now, I'm aware, but as I'm working on them, I don't find myself dwelling on them too much.
I've found the lack of drinking to be harder than I had anticipated. I wasn't a heavy drinker, but I enjoyed a night of hard drinking from time to time. I find that I miss that, and the feeling of two beers with a meal after a long day.
I miss the feeling of eating for comfort. I miss pizza and burgers and Chinese food and tacos.
I'm afraid that I'll have virtually all of my old food issues when I leave the diet. I wonder what's wrong with me that I feel the need to eat like I do, even when I'm not hungry. I'm very aware now of when I'm hungry and when I'm not, and I still want to eat. There are times when I'm scared to leave the diet, because I think I'll simply put it all back on.
There are also times when I don't care if I put it all back on, I just want to eat like a human being.
All in all, the diet is a love hate thing. I hate the restrictions and the rules, but I love the results and the simplicity. The hardest thing for me to really face right now is the knowledge that this is simply the first short segment of a long, long process.
I started weighing 432lbs, with a 60" waist (if I was lucky), slightly high blood pressure, and virtually no cardiovascular fitness. Today I'm weighing right at 300lbs, with a 52" that can fit into 50's better than I used to fit into 60's, excellent health, and improved endurance and overall fitness. I lost 132lbs in 184 days, or just over 11oz a day.
I've struggled to exercise enough, and I've struggled recently to stay on track food wise, but I haven't left the diet completely. I've stayed on my supplements, and the worst side effect I've noticed is that my hair is thinning. Hardly a day passes that I don't miss eating and drinking normally, but I'm still very happy with "Cheats" that don't kick me out of ketosis.
Life is easier now that I'm thinner. I can sit in any waiting area, buckle up in any car, shop with far more options. I have shirts from wal mart and Jc Penny, and in the coming months I'll be buying pants at those stores as well. I'm currently on the smallest notch of a belt that I couldn't wear before the diet.
The diet has had it's downsides. I've lost my cavalier attitude towards my weight, and I now feel bad about my body in ways I certainly never really admitted before. I can't say I didn't feel them, I just repressed or ignored them. Now, I'm aware, but as I'm working on them, I don't find myself dwelling on them too much.
I've found the lack of drinking to be harder than I had anticipated. I wasn't a heavy drinker, but I enjoyed a night of hard drinking from time to time. I find that I miss that, and the feeling of two beers with a meal after a long day.
I miss the feeling of eating for comfort. I miss pizza and burgers and Chinese food and tacos.
I'm afraid that I'll have virtually all of my old food issues when I leave the diet. I wonder what's wrong with me that I feel the need to eat like I do, even when I'm not hungry. I'm very aware now of when I'm hungry and when I'm not, and I still want to eat. There are times when I'm scared to leave the diet, because I think I'll simply put it all back on.
There are also times when I don't care if I put it all back on, I just want to eat like a human being.
All in all, the diet is a love hate thing. I hate the restrictions and the rules, but I love the results and the simplicity. The hardest thing for me to really face right now is the knowledge that this is simply the first short segment of a long, long process.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Day 184 - Back on Track
Even if the scale doesn't show it yet, I'm back on track. Two solid days of adherence to the diet, at least with regards to what I'm eating. I'm still a 3-5oz over each day, but that's not a huge deal. I'm just glad that I never had the really bad hunger pangs like I did after binging on jerky.
With it being summer, there's simply no really great way to get weight daily. I drink so much liquid just to keep cool, and I'm in and out of A/C environment where I do and don't sweat, that I know I'm retaining crazy water. I've literally woken up and been 4 or 5 pounds lighter than I was the previous day, after holding steady for a week. Given that problems I had as recently as four days ago, I'm not fixated on the scale right now. I will be in a few days, when the weather breaks and the last of the almonds are completely flushed from my system.
I'm planning on doing a six month retrospective tomorrow, as I started this diet on March 3rd. I was surprised that it's well past a half year by days, and then I remembered that while I've dieted through two of the 30 day months, the other half of the year has February. So I'm a few days over the technical line, I'm more interested in what month I'm in. I'm taking the GMAT tomorrow, so this retrospective will probably be written and even posted tonight.
With it being summer, there's simply no really great way to get weight daily. I drink so much liquid just to keep cool, and I'm in and out of A/C environment where I do and don't sweat, that I know I'm retaining crazy water. I've literally woken up and been 4 or 5 pounds lighter than I was the previous day, after holding steady for a week. Given that problems I had as recently as four days ago, I'm not fixated on the scale right now. I will be in a few days, when the weather breaks and the last of the almonds are completely flushed from my system.
I'm planning on doing a six month retrospective tomorrow, as I started this diet on March 3rd. I was surprised that it's well past a half year by days, and then I remembered that while I've dieted through two of the 30 day months, the other half of the year has February. So I'm a few days over the technical line, I'm more interested in what month I'm in. I'm taking the GMAT tomorrow, so this retrospective will probably be written and even posted tonight.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Day 181 - Mistakes were made
So, it's time for the first serious setback I've experienced. True, I basically left ketosis after the half bag of jerky, and discovering that buffalo wings were low carb led to me only losing 15lbs in July, but I'm genuinely upset with myself after this last week, all thanks to delicious almonds.
yes, almonds are low carb, high in fiber, and are a delicious snack. They're also basically all fat, and when you eat two cans of them a day, that's 2000 calories of just almonds. In case anybody is curious, I have not lost any weight in a week.
My zest for low carb, but extremely caloric foods is becoming a problem. I'm almost never on target with my actual consumption, and I've probably had some sort of improper food 90% of the last 60 days.
I'm mad for two reasons: the first is that I'm not losing weight nearly as fast, and the second is that I'm still depriving myself of a huge number of things. I'm sacrificing too much to tread water or lose a pound a week.
yes, almonds are low carb, high in fiber, and are a delicious snack. They're also basically all fat, and when you eat two cans of them a day, that's 2000 calories of just almonds. In case anybody is curious, I have not lost any weight in a week.
My zest for low carb, but extremely caloric foods is becoming a problem. I'm almost never on target with my actual consumption, and I've probably had some sort of improper food 90% of the last 60 days.
I'm mad for two reasons: the first is that I'm not losing weight nearly as fast, and the second is that I'm still depriving myself of a huge number of things. I'm sacrificing too much to tread water or lose a pound a week.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Day 175 - A 299lb weakling
For the second morning in a row, I got a result south of 300lbs when I weighed myself, meaning I've achieved one of my bigger weight based goals. It feels really good, and even if some of the weight loss is due to post humidity/heat wave water loss, its still lost weight. I'm also seeing that I'll have a very good August: I've already lost 15lbs with a week left to go. After losing 15 in July, I was hoping that I could get the 20lbs a month back on track, and it looks like I might be able to get close to that.
There are times when I realize that I'm celebrating being at a weight that most people would be horrified to find themselves at, but there's no value in thinking like that. That I was once 432lbs is a fact, it's done, and I need to celebrate the progress I've made, and not rue how far I have left to go.
I'd commented in an earlier post about how weight loss might be a categorical imperative in the US, with most people either attempting it or thinking about it. Talking to people, I find them genuinely impressed when I tell them what I've lost. While waiting for my wings at the Linden Tavern (my treat for cracking 300), I stopped into the men's clothier next door. The salesman was in his 50's and wasn't wild about helping me at first, but I told him that I'd lost 130lbs and was still losing, he warmed right up. I'm still a ways out from their biggest stuff, but he figured at most another twenty, thirty pounds. After realizing he wasn't going to sell me anything, we still chatted a while about weight loss and diet.
I'm not prone to false (or really any) modesty, yet I still feel odd in taking credit for this weight loss. The program fits me like a glove, I've had ample financial and emotional support from my family, I had tons of time this year to cook properly and not be tempted at work, and I knew that by losing weight I could count on a steady stream of money from back home. I approached it like a job, knowing that if I didn't do it, I'd be broke soon. I'm plenty happy to reap the accolades, I guess, but I still wish more people understood that I'm not some master of human willpower or something. Mostly, I'm a guy that's scared of surgery and/or moving into my parent's basement.
Now that the 300lb barrier has been shattered, Chuck Yeager style, it is time to ponder the next handful of milestones. Next up is 287lbs, at which I will no longer be "morbidly" obese, instead I'll merely be "severely" obese. By a twist of fate, that is also the point at which I'll have lost fully one third of my start weight. Looking ahead further than that is 260lbs, which is a highly personal goal in that it's 100lbs above my "ideal" weight for my height (5'11"), thus totally eliminating me as a candidate for weight loss surgery. Beyond that, 250lbs is of course my goal weight for all of this, and at some point in there I should be able to start fitting into the biggest clothes offered at mainstream stores. I'm broke so I can't buy any, but at least I'll have the option!
All in all, I'm once again happy with the diet. July was rough, for a variety of reasons, and while I kept the faith it's rewarding to see results.
There are times when I realize that I'm celebrating being at a weight that most people would be horrified to find themselves at, but there's no value in thinking like that. That I was once 432lbs is a fact, it's done, and I need to celebrate the progress I've made, and not rue how far I have left to go.
I'd commented in an earlier post about how weight loss might be a categorical imperative in the US, with most people either attempting it or thinking about it. Talking to people, I find them genuinely impressed when I tell them what I've lost. While waiting for my wings at the Linden Tavern (my treat for cracking 300), I stopped into the men's clothier next door. The salesman was in his 50's and wasn't wild about helping me at first, but I told him that I'd lost 130lbs and was still losing, he warmed right up. I'm still a ways out from their biggest stuff, but he figured at most another twenty, thirty pounds. After realizing he wasn't going to sell me anything, we still chatted a while about weight loss and diet.
I'm not prone to false (or really any) modesty, yet I still feel odd in taking credit for this weight loss. The program fits me like a glove, I've had ample financial and emotional support from my family, I had tons of time this year to cook properly and not be tempted at work, and I knew that by losing weight I could count on a steady stream of money from back home. I approached it like a job, knowing that if I didn't do it, I'd be broke soon. I'm plenty happy to reap the accolades, I guess, but I still wish more people understood that I'm not some master of human willpower or something. Mostly, I'm a guy that's scared of surgery and/or moving into my parent's basement.
Now that the 300lb barrier has been shattered, Chuck Yeager style, it is time to ponder the next handful of milestones. Next up is 287lbs, at which I will no longer be "morbidly" obese, instead I'll merely be "severely" obese. By a twist of fate, that is also the point at which I'll have lost fully one third of my start weight. Looking ahead further than that is 260lbs, which is a highly personal goal in that it's 100lbs above my "ideal" weight for my height (5'11"), thus totally eliminating me as a candidate for weight loss surgery. Beyond that, 250lbs is of course my goal weight for all of this, and at some point in there I should be able to start fitting into the biggest clothes offered at mainstream stores. I'm broke so I can't buy any, but at least I'll have the option!
All in all, I'm once again happy with the diet. July was rough, for a variety of reasons, and while I kept the faith it's rewarding to see results.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Day 173 - So close!
I haven't posted in a while, so this is going to be a bit of a re-cap of the last four weeks, plus this morning's news. At the end of July, I visited the doctor for a check up. He was pleasantly surprised by my progress, although still decided he should remind me that people who got surgery keep the weight off longer. I felt like telling him that while that may be true, I'll worry about that the next time I need to lose weight, because right now the diet seems to be working.
My weigh in July 30th was officially 319lbs, for 113lbs lost. Apparently I've been miscalculating how much weight I lost, as my initial weigh in at the bariatric center was 432, not 433lbs. However, my initial weigh in when I went to the doctor for the referral was actually 442lbs, so somehow I lost 10lbs between my first doctor's visit and starting the diet. I haven't been counting that, as 10lbs at 442 is just over 2%, and could be explained through water retention, etc. Still, it is an "official" weigh in, and when the diet is complete, I might count the total weight loss from there, rather than from the 432. In the meantime, all of my progress has been measured against one yardstick, and I don't think it'd be fair to suddenly add 10lbs to my tally.
In terms of progress, this morning's news is mildly frustrating but actually exciting. After a disappointing July (only losing 15lbs, ending right around 315 instead of 310 as planned) I've had an equally uneven august. Today, however, I weighed in at 300.4lbs. I could have take off my shirt or tried some other way to squeak out a half pound, but I think I might just enjoy the feeling of being close to a big goal, and try to stay on course to blow past 300lbs by tomorrow.
I did speak with the doctor about how long I'm to stay on the diet, and he gave what I considered the worst possible answer: "Until you stop losing weight." I've gotten used to the diet, to be sure, but I was very much hoping to have an end date to look forward to. I'm in some sort of Gitmo style diet: I have no clue when I get to leave. Of course, given the increasingly sinister sounding "phase two" the doctor talks about, I'll probably never fully leave some sort of dietary control. I guess I'm to stay on the PSMF until my weight loss completely stops, and then I refeed. This worries me for another reason: I now can just sabotage the diet to leave it. Before, when it was based on time or amount of weight lost, I could focus on a goal. I'm a task oriented person, so that's fine. Now, it's about the process: stay on the diet until it stops working. Since I can make the diet stop working, I now can leave the diet whenever I want: just eat poorly.
I'm not going to do that yet. I'm still working on a few of my big goals. I'm almost under 300lbs, and I'm only about 15lbs from no longer being morbidly obese. I'm fitting easily into size 52 pants, meaning I'm not far from the upper ends of mainstream stores that stock 48s. For a variety of reasons, I think 250lbs is still a very good goal, and is the first point I'd feel comfortable really considering cycling off the diet. There is a part of me that's curious to see where I can end up if I just stay on it till the end.
My weigh in July 30th was officially 319lbs, for 113lbs lost. Apparently I've been miscalculating how much weight I lost, as my initial weigh in at the bariatric center was 432, not 433lbs. However, my initial weigh in when I went to the doctor for the referral was actually 442lbs, so somehow I lost 10lbs between my first doctor's visit and starting the diet. I haven't been counting that, as 10lbs at 442 is just over 2%, and could be explained through water retention, etc. Still, it is an "official" weigh in, and when the diet is complete, I might count the total weight loss from there, rather than from the 432. In the meantime, all of my progress has been measured against one yardstick, and I don't think it'd be fair to suddenly add 10lbs to my tally.
In terms of progress, this morning's news is mildly frustrating but actually exciting. After a disappointing July (only losing 15lbs, ending right around 315 instead of 310 as planned) I've had an equally uneven august. Today, however, I weighed in at 300.4lbs. I could have take off my shirt or tried some other way to squeak out a half pound, but I think I might just enjoy the feeling of being close to a big goal, and try to stay on course to blow past 300lbs by tomorrow.
I did speak with the doctor about how long I'm to stay on the diet, and he gave what I considered the worst possible answer: "Until you stop losing weight." I've gotten used to the diet, to be sure, but I was very much hoping to have an end date to look forward to. I'm in some sort of Gitmo style diet: I have no clue when I get to leave. Of course, given the increasingly sinister sounding "phase two" the doctor talks about, I'll probably never fully leave some sort of dietary control. I guess I'm to stay on the PSMF until my weight loss completely stops, and then I refeed. This worries me for another reason: I now can just sabotage the diet to leave it. Before, when it was based on time or amount of weight lost, I could focus on a goal. I'm a task oriented person, so that's fine. Now, it's about the process: stay on the diet until it stops working. Since I can make the diet stop working, I now can leave the diet whenever I want: just eat poorly.
I'm not going to do that yet. I'm still working on a few of my big goals. I'm almost under 300lbs, and I'm only about 15lbs from no longer being morbidly obese. I'm fitting easily into size 52 pants, meaning I'm not far from the upper ends of mainstream stores that stock 48s. For a variety of reasons, I think 250lbs is still a very good goal, and is the first point I'd feel comfortable really considering cycling off the diet. There is a part of me that's curious to see where I can end up if I just stay on it till the end.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Day 145 - This is why you don't freak out
I had a stretch of something like five or six days when my weight didn't change. When you lose five pounds a week, going five days without loss is noteworthy, but I kept trying to remind myself that there are a lot of reasons for even weekly variation.
In the last three days, I've lost six pounds. Now, I clearly haven't lost six pounds of fat in three days, even on my diet. What I have been doing is drinking in excess of a gallon of fluids a day, which leads to over eight pounds of mass flowing through me daily. Yesterday alone, I drank three two liters of diet Coke while playing Warhammer in a store without air conditioning. I'm still not sure how exactly I came out of that two pounds lighter this morning than I was before the tournament.
In terms of awareness, I'm in a sweet spot for people noticing my weight loss. Acquaintances I haven't seen for a month now notice that I'm losing weight, as 20lbs is pretty dramatic on a person my size. When I was losing weight faster, it was less noticeable, but in the future, I'll be losing weight more slowly, so it will take longer to be visible. Although I suppose on most people even 10lbs shows up pretty well.
With the last few days, I'm back on track to hit 310 by the end of the month. I have an official weigh-in at my doctors appointment wednesday, so I'll be able to calibrate back to what I weigh on my own scale. This is my first check up medically since mid may, and the first visit with the doctor since April. I've obviously made a lot of progress since then, and I'm curious as to his reaction. I also need to ask what the lower weight limit for my diet is. I'm sure I'm nowhere near it, but I currently plan on staying on the diet until the end of the year, cycling off in January and February, and thus starting my "phase two" Mediterranean diet roughly in March. According to one calculation, at my current pace I'll be down to roughly 250lbs by the beginning of November. Assuming my pace slows to 3lbs a week at that point, I'll by 226lbs by the end of the year, and so nearly 200lbs by next march, which will be a year. I don't know how long they'll keep my on the PSMF diet though, which is why I need to talk with the doctor.
In many ways, I'm less certain about my "goal" weight than I was when I started. I never really had one, I just wanted to lose weight. In many ways, I've surpassed my expectations. I had never really had luck with weight loss, and honestly I figured I'd be lucky to lose 40lbs, and get stuck. I had put 250lbs as a goal that would be very tough to reach, and 200lbs was a dream target. As of today, while I'm still 60lbs away from 250, I'm essentially 2/3 of the way there. I'm in the home stretch. I should be under 300lbs for the first time in roughly 7 years by mid august, and 250 by Halloween. I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing by just focusing on staying on the diet, and not worrying about my "goal," or if having a hard target would motivate me more.
I think the reason I'm less worried about a specific weight is that all of my goals, while still tangible, aren't directly linked to a specific weight number. The biggest mass based goal I have right now is to get under 287lbs, which is the upper limit for morbid obesity for my height. It's an arbitrary line in the sand, but it's a reasonable measure. In more of a "reach" goal, getting under 215lbs makes me no longer clinically obese at all. For everything else, my goals are more volume based: buying clothes normally, fitting into roller coasters, etc. I'm now adding more fitness based goals, which I think is helping. Weight is just a number, an important number, but while I fixate on it for evidence of progress in how much weight I've lost, I'm not too concerned about where I end up, as long as I'm healthy and happy.
In the last three days, I've lost six pounds. Now, I clearly haven't lost six pounds of fat in three days, even on my diet. What I have been doing is drinking in excess of a gallon of fluids a day, which leads to over eight pounds of mass flowing through me daily. Yesterday alone, I drank three two liters of diet Coke while playing Warhammer in a store without air conditioning. I'm still not sure how exactly I came out of that two pounds lighter this morning than I was before the tournament.
In terms of awareness, I'm in a sweet spot for people noticing my weight loss. Acquaintances I haven't seen for a month now notice that I'm losing weight, as 20lbs is pretty dramatic on a person my size. When I was losing weight faster, it was less noticeable, but in the future, I'll be losing weight more slowly, so it will take longer to be visible. Although I suppose on most people even 10lbs shows up pretty well.
With the last few days, I'm back on track to hit 310 by the end of the month. I have an official weigh-in at my doctors appointment wednesday, so I'll be able to calibrate back to what I weigh on my own scale. This is my first check up medically since mid may, and the first visit with the doctor since April. I've obviously made a lot of progress since then, and I'm curious as to his reaction. I also need to ask what the lower weight limit for my diet is. I'm sure I'm nowhere near it, but I currently plan on staying on the diet until the end of the year, cycling off in January and February, and thus starting my "phase two" Mediterranean diet roughly in March. According to one calculation, at my current pace I'll be down to roughly 250lbs by the beginning of November. Assuming my pace slows to 3lbs a week at that point, I'll by 226lbs by the end of the year, and so nearly 200lbs by next march, which will be a year. I don't know how long they'll keep my on the PSMF diet though, which is why I need to talk with the doctor.
In many ways, I'm less certain about my "goal" weight than I was when I started. I never really had one, I just wanted to lose weight. In many ways, I've surpassed my expectations. I had never really had luck with weight loss, and honestly I figured I'd be lucky to lose 40lbs, and get stuck. I had put 250lbs as a goal that would be very tough to reach, and 200lbs was a dream target. As of today, while I'm still 60lbs away from 250, I'm essentially 2/3 of the way there. I'm in the home stretch. I should be under 300lbs for the first time in roughly 7 years by mid august, and 250 by Halloween. I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing by just focusing on staying on the diet, and not worrying about my "goal," or if having a hard target would motivate me more.
I think the reason I'm less worried about a specific weight is that all of my goals, while still tangible, aren't directly linked to a specific weight number. The biggest mass based goal I have right now is to get under 287lbs, which is the upper limit for morbid obesity for my height. It's an arbitrary line in the sand, but it's a reasonable measure. In more of a "reach" goal, getting under 215lbs makes me no longer clinically obese at all. For everything else, my goals are more volume based: buying clothes normally, fitting into roller coasters, etc. I'm now adding more fitness based goals, which I think is helping. Weight is just a number, an important number, but while I fixate on it for evidence of progress in how much weight I've lost, I'm not too concerned about where I end up, as long as I'm healthy and happy.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Day 141 - Weightlifting and a lack of progress
The two biggest news items for the past five days have to be the fact that I've started some weight training, and that I haven't lost any actual weight.
The weight training, as a good thing, is what I'm focusing on mentally. I took the upper body training class at Planet fitness Monday morning (at 8am!), and then stayed for a full workout. Today I got there soon before close and polished off a lifting workout plus 20 intense minutes on the elliptical. I'm noticing that I'm able to reach and maintain far higher speeds on the ellipe, and that I'm sweating less. I have to push harder to make sure I'm still in the cardio zone, but I'm glad that I'm getting into better shape. In terms of strength training, I'm in a pretty weak spot. Upper body strength was never a big part of my skill portfolio, but I'm a lot weaker than I had realized. Admittedly, everything is on machines and I can't really compare what I'm doing to what i did at 19 years old, but I know that I was not a minute too soon in starting a weight training. The second day went a bit easier for some exercises, and felt more burn on a few others. All told, I expect to see some rapid progress.
In terms of actual weight, I don't' know if I should continue to blame my Herculean soda intake and the associated water retention for not losing weight, or the three days of eating way too much food, or simply a natural plateau. I figure all three are probably factors. I've reaffirmed a very strict adherence to the diet, I'm trying to drink more water and less soda, and I'm aware that if I'm building muscle, I might not lose pounds on the scale. I don't mind, as any muscle growth will pay dividends for years.
The weight training, as a good thing, is what I'm focusing on mentally. I took the upper body training class at Planet fitness Monday morning (at 8am!), and then stayed for a full workout. Today I got there soon before close and polished off a lifting workout plus 20 intense minutes on the elliptical. I'm noticing that I'm able to reach and maintain far higher speeds on the ellipe, and that I'm sweating less. I have to push harder to make sure I'm still in the cardio zone, but I'm glad that I'm getting into better shape. In terms of strength training, I'm in a pretty weak spot. Upper body strength was never a big part of my skill portfolio, but I'm a lot weaker than I had realized. Admittedly, everything is on machines and I can't really compare what I'm doing to what i did at 19 years old, but I know that I was not a minute too soon in starting a weight training. The second day went a bit easier for some exercises, and felt more burn on a few others. All told, I expect to see some rapid progress.
In terms of actual weight, I don't' know if I should continue to blame my Herculean soda intake and the associated water retention for not losing weight, or the three days of eating way too much food, or simply a natural plateau. I figure all three are probably factors. I've reaffirmed a very strict adherence to the diet, I'm trying to drink more water and less soda, and I'm aware that if I'm building muscle, I might not lose pounds on the scale. I don't mind, as any muscle growth will pay dividends for years.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Day 136 - Fitness Progress
I've been getting at least some serious exercise for each of the past four days, including today, and I'm happy with the results. I started on tuesday with a power walk mixed with a few brief jogs, I upped that to four 30 second jogs on Wednesday, and today I did 4 40 second jobs on the treadmill at the gym. I knocked out 40 minutes on an elliptical yesterday, and did 10 minutes on an arc trainer today in addition to my walk/jog. My goal is to start the eight weeks to a 5k plan in two or three weeks. You know you're out of shape when you have to train just to start a very basic training regimen, but I'm seeing progress in how I feel, how fast I can go, how long I can go, etc.
The one, albeit temporary, downside is that I'm sure that I'm building muscle during this, which is slowing my weight loss. Now, the extra muscle is going to keep my loss rate high as long as I keep it, so I'm not complaining, but I need to be aware that my absolute weight loss may slow down a bit.
I signed up for an 8am upper body strength training class on Monday. The trainer told me to bring my training sheet. The one we did 4 months ago that I haven't looked at since, and I've moved apartments and lost 100lbs since we did. I think it's safe to say I'm just going to do a new training sheet.
The one, albeit temporary, downside is that I'm sure that I'm building muscle during this, which is slowing my weight loss. Now, the extra muscle is going to keep my loss rate high as long as I keep it, so I'm not complaining, but I need to be aware that my absolute weight loss may slow down a bit.
I signed up for an 8am upper body strength training class on Monday. The trainer told me to bring my training sheet. The one we did 4 months ago that I haven't looked at since, and I've moved apartments and lost 100lbs since we did. I think it's safe to say I'm just going to do a new training sheet.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Running
I couldn't sleep tonight, so i decided to go for a walk. I was so filled with energy, however, that I actually tried running a small amount as well. I never managed to last more than about 30 seconds, but it felt amazing to run again. I'm sure I'll grow to hate it like I always used to, but for now I'm enjoying my new found ability.
I've always had a love/hate relationship with physical fitness. As a kid, I was never exactly fit, but I never was horribly out of shape either. I couldn't do a pull up or run worth a damn, but I was a competitive swimmer in high school, and backpacked in rugged terrain with a 60lb pack. As I lose weight, I'm very interested in where I end up, fitness wise. I've definitively decided to try to work out more often. I want to start weight training to help the slight loose skin I have in my arms, as well as to generally bulk up. I also want to step up my cardio efforts. If I work at it, I should be able to get into shape at roughly the same pace I lose weight. Since I had enough muscle to move my bulk around before, as I lose weight my underlying base actually improves.
It helps that I'm less ridiculously fat. It's a cruel fact that when you're fat, you feel ashamed to be seen working out. That was never a huge problem for me, but I'm feeling better about myself and I'm more eager to hit the gym.
In general, I feel like I need some motivation to stop procrastinating and start exercising more. Any assistance from the peanut gallery will be greatly appreciated.
I've always had a love/hate relationship with physical fitness. As a kid, I was never exactly fit, but I never was horribly out of shape either. I couldn't do a pull up or run worth a damn, but I was a competitive swimmer in high school, and backpacked in rugged terrain with a 60lb pack. As I lose weight, I'm very interested in where I end up, fitness wise. I've definitively decided to try to work out more often. I want to start weight training to help the slight loose skin I have in my arms, as well as to generally bulk up. I also want to step up my cardio efforts. If I work at it, I should be able to get into shape at roughly the same pace I lose weight. Since I had enough muscle to move my bulk around before, as I lose weight my underlying base actually improves.
It helps that I'm less ridiculously fat. It's a cruel fact that when you're fat, you feel ashamed to be seen working out. That was never a huge problem for me, but I'm feeling better about myself and I'm more eager to hit the gym.
In general, I feel like I need some motivation to stop procrastinating and start exercising more. Any assistance from the peanut gallery will be greatly appreciated.
Day 133 - Lack of results
Last Wednesday I celebrated losing 110lbs, or 25% of my pre-diet weight. Since then, according to this mornings scale, I've lost a pound. On a diet as extreme as mine, it is always critical to keep in mind the sheer impossibility of not losing weight. Most diets restrict calories to 500 or so under replacement, meaning a single big meal or a few extra snacks can result in no net calorie deficit for the day. The daily deficit is smaller, and the ability to eat very high calorie foods is far larger than on my diet. My daily deficit hovers around 2000 calories, and my absolute worst binges are things like BW3 wings, even 18 of which stay under 1500 calories when ordered with low carb sauce. This means that even when I go over my budget by 1000 or 2000 calories, I'm still under my break even point for weight loss.
Early on, when I'd not lose weight for a few days, I'd get very upset, and wonder if some small deviation was the cause. It simply can't be. One small deviation, if full of carbs, can result in hunger for a day or three, but it won't derail my actual weight loss.
So, while I was hoping to have lost 3-4 more pounds by today compared to last week, I know that between the dramatic water weight swings I've documented earlier, my own shifts in terms of muscle, and simple inaccuracy that I need to not freak out. To be sure, maybe a return to weighing my food for a few days is necessary to accelerate things, but I know that I'm still losing weight.
Early on, when I'd not lose weight for a few days, I'd get very upset, and wonder if some small deviation was the cause. It simply can't be. One small deviation, if full of carbs, can result in hunger for a day or three, but it won't derail my actual weight loss.
So, while I was hoping to have lost 3-4 more pounds by today compared to last week, I know that between the dramatic water weight swings I've documented earlier, my own shifts in terms of muscle, and simple inaccuracy that I need to not freak out. To be sure, maybe a return to weighing my food for a few days is necessary to accelerate things, but I know that I'm still losing weight.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Day 131 - Clothes Shopping
For my entire adult life, clothes shopping has always been difficult. Fat men's clothing is simply hard to find at retail places, and I hovered at such an extreme end of the range that even at dedicated stores I was buying the largest sizes, and being grateful for any options I had. Due to that, and the shame that comes with moving up every year or two into larger and larger sizes, I never really enjoyed shopping for clothes.
Moving in the opposite direction, however, makes the process much more enjoyable. I'm finding that I enjoy trying on the various styles and designs, finding stuff that I like and that looks good on me, and it only reinforces my major goal of being able to buy clothes at mainstream retail outlets.
In some ways, I'm still heavily restricted, due to my size as well as the desire to stick with the clearance racks. I'm a size 50 to 52 now, but this should be the only summer I wear the shorts I just bought. There is no reason to invest more money than necessary. On the other hand, my size 60 shorts were starting to look ridiculous and needed to be retired. What's the point in looking dramatically better if you still look sloppy?
Obese men have it better and easier than women in nearly every regard, from social acceptance to professional options even to medical treatment. Where women have an advantage is the fashion support extended to them. Obese women can shop a variety of stores stocked with plenty of options, while fat men are restricted to one or two chains, with far fewer options. Part of that is the difference between male and female fashions in general, of course, but it's still annoying to buy multiple pairs of any style of jean that simply fits, because there aren't more kinds to be had.
I doubt I'll ever dip below the extended sizes or big and tall sections of most retailers, but I still want to buy my suits at a men's store, and jeans at a target at some point. No matter how obese a person is, they still wear clothes. It's an aspect of the human experience you can't avoid or alter due to size, and it's an activity that I want to enjoy.
Moving in the opposite direction, however, makes the process much more enjoyable. I'm finding that I enjoy trying on the various styles and designs, finding stuff that I like and that looks good on me, and it only reinforces my major goal of being able to buy clothes at mainstream retail outlets.
In some ways, I'm still heavily restricted, due to my size as well as the desire to stick with the clearance racks. I'm a size 50 to 52 now, but this should be the only summer I wear the shorts I just bought. There is no reason to invest more money than necessary. On the other hand, my size 60 shorts were starting to look ridiculous and needed to be retired. What's the point in looking dramatically better if you still look sloppy?
Obese men have it better and easier than women in nearly every regard, from social acceptance to professional options even to medical treatment. Where women have an advantage is the fashion support extended to them. Obese women can shop a variety of stores stocked with plenty of options, while fat men are restricted to one or two chains, with far fewer options. Part of that is the difference between male and female fashions in general, of course, but it's still annoying to buy multiple pairs of any style of jean that simply fits, because there aren't more kinds to be had.
I doubt I'll ever dip below the extended sizes or big and tall sections of most retailers, but I still want to buy my suits at a men's store, and jeans at a target at some point. No matter how obese a person is, they still wear clothes. It's an aspect of the human experience you can't avoid or alter due to size, and it's an activity that I want to enjoy.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Water Weight vs. the Scale
A big part of the motivation to stay on any diet is results. Most experts seem to favor weighing in every week, but virtually all dieters I know that have been successful weigh in every day, or at least every other day. There are two keys to weighing in: weigh in in roughly the same time, space, and clothing every day; and don't freak out over daily variations.
The latter is especially true for the merely overweight: when you're goal is to lose 10 pounds over three months, you're not going to see a lot of change day to day. The "signal" of the pound a week is likely to get lost in the "noise" of day to day ups and downs.
When losing 5 pounds a week, however, results should appear after two or three days, even given natural variation. I found this summer, however, that often I would gain three or four pounds in a day, and keep that weight on for a day or two, only to have lost seven pounds when I weight in on day four. I was mystified by this, blaming an uneven floor in the new apartment, when I finally figure it out: it's summertime.
This week it's hitting 90 during the day, and only going down to 70 or so at night. My roommate and I have window AC, but are cheap, so when it's relatively cool at night with low humidity, we crank up fans, open the windows, and most critically: drink an obscene amount of fluids. My 32oz of required water rarely outlast breakfast. I'm making a gallon of sun tea every two to three days, a half gallon pitcher of crystal light every week, and I'm buying two liters of soda like they're going out of style. When I'm on the road, I generally buy a 44oz bucket of diet soda at the speedway, or 20 ouncers at school, or endless free refills when I go out to eat.
All of these fluids add up. Water weighs over eight pounds a gallon, and it's not uncommon for me to wake up, drink a quart or more, and then weight myself. Oops. I was obsessed with replicating my original weigh in at the clinic: khaki pants, shirt, full pockets, socks. In doing so, I ignored another principle: time.
My new plan is to weigh in first thing in the morning. With a breeze and a fan, between sweat and urination, I'm at my least hydrated soon after waking up. I won't be as able to compare my weight to my initial weigh in, but I will be able to track day to day changes a little more accurately. It also has the advantage of giving me a lower weight, as boxer shorts weigh very little. For those curious, my morning weigh in today was 320.6lbs
The latter is especially true for the merely overweight: when you're goal is to lose 10 pounds over three months, you're not going to see a lot of change day to day. The "signal" of the pound a week is likely to get lost in the "noise" of day to day ups and downs.
When losing 5 pounds a week, however, results should appear after two or three days, even given natural variation. I found this summer, however, that often I would gain three or four pounds in a day, and keep that weight on for a day or two, only to have lost seven pounds when I weight in on day four. I was mystified by this, blaming an uneven floor in the new apartment, when I finally figure it out: it's summertime.
This week it's hitting 90 during the day, and only going down to 70 or so at night. My roommate and I have window AC, but are cheap, so when it's relatively cool at night with low humidity, we crank up fans, open the windows, and most critically: drink an obscene amount of fluids. My 32oz of required water rarely outlast breakfast. I'm making a gallon of sun tea every two to three days, a half gallon pitcher of crystal light every week, and I'm buying two liters of soda like they're going out of style. When I'm on the road, I generally buy a 44oz bucket of diet soda at the speedway, or 20 ouncers at school, or endless free refills when I go out to eat.
All of these fluids add up. Water weighs over eight pounds a gallon, and it's not uncommon for me to wake up, drink a quart or more, and then weight myself. Oops. I was obsessed with replicating my original weigh in at the clinic: khaki pants, shirt, full pockets, socks. In doing so, I ignored another principle: time.
My new plan is to weigh in first thing in the morning. With a breeze and a fan, between sweat and urination, I'm at my least hydrated soon after waking up. I won't be as able to compare my weight to my initial weigh in, but I will be able to track day to day changes a little more accurately. It also has the advantage of giving me a lower weight, as boxer shorts weigh very little. For those curious, my morning weigh in today was 320.6lbs
Day 126 - Body Image Ramification
Body image is one of those things that is mostly associated with women and weight loss, but it's a pretty real factor to some extent for nearly all fat men too. When dealing with extreme obesity like I did, the boundaries between "body image" and "body reality" are blurry. When you can't fit in a roller coaster or even a car seat belt, it's hard to not be aware that you are far from the norm in terms of body size.
That said, it's also possible to create a certain self deceptive illusion in your life, where you surround yourself only with things that don't remind you of your obesity, and allow you to more or less ignore your weight. For roughly five years, I simply didn't know what I weighed. I exceeded nearly all scales, and thus I had no hard number to deal with. I eliminated nearly all activities that I would have troubles with, and in general I was able to ignore any issues I had, mentally and physically, with my body.
I've written before about how my ridiculously healthy history partially allowed my weight to balloon; absent diabetes, hypertension or joint pain I didn't have the physical reasons to lose weight most people do. Likewise, I didn't consciously feel any psychological reasons to lose weight. Any alienation or low esteem I suffered I could chalk up to other things, such as my personality or having trouble in school or finding work.
The problem I'm facing now is that I'm finally dealing with my obesity. I'm celebrating every minor victory, from comfortably buckling into my roommates truck to fitting into pants from five years ago. It's been one of the most positive experiences of my life, but it comes with a certain cost: I'm destroying the illusion I had of my old life. When I celebrate losing over a hundred pounds, and I know, both intellectually and viscerally, that I need to lose one hundred more... it doesn't take long to realize just how out of control I really was.
Years of simply not dealing with my weight are catching up, emotionally. I had reasons to put it out of mind: I was failing out of college, or getting back into college, or working long hours at a pool store, or going to law school, or taking the bar exam. The line between reasons and excuses is a porous one, but either way, I had priorities to deal with. I may have gone too far, switching my mental state from not worrying about my weight problem all the way to not really acknowledging that I had a weight problem.
I've wondered at times why I haven't seen a more profound personality shift due to my weight loss, as many people that lose a lot of weight experience. The best I can come up with is that my personality was built around the idea that I was somewhat fat, but nothing too dramatic. In other words, I'm actually changing my body to match my own perception.
I think it matches why I started losing weight in the first place. Most people embark on serious diets because of dire health warnings, or because they feel completely alienated from society, or some deep rooted personal reason. I started this diet out of naked self interest, coupled with a different psychological need. I was (and still am) unemployed, and my family offered to help me use the time constructively to lose weight. In other words: I went on a diet as essentially a part time job with low pay but excellent benefits. In addition, I would be doing something positive and constructive instead of applying for jobs and playing video games all day. I don't think that's bad, if anything, I think it's been a huge reason for my success. If I failed at the diet, I faced the prospect of moving back with my parents, and by this point four months of accomplishing nothing positive in my life. Instead, while I'm still unemployed I'm enjoying the accolades of family and friends as well as logistical support in terms of food and clothing.
All in all, I think I'd rather deal with the emotional fall out from realizing I was and still am incredibly obese than be faced with the emotional fall out from being unemployed and accomplishing nothing. Body image might be a powerful force, but it's simply one component of self esteem.
That said, it's also possible to create a certain self deceptive illusion in your life, where you surround yourself only with things that don't remind you of your obesity, and allow you to more or less ignore your weight. For roughly five years, I simply didn't know what I weighed. I exceeded nearly all scales, and thus I had no hard number to deal with. I eliminated nearly all activities that I would have troubles with, and in general I was able to ignore any issues I had, mentally and physically, with my body.
I've written before about how my ridiculously healthy history partially allowed my weight to balloon; absent diabetes, hypertension or joint pain I didn't have the physical reasons to lose weight most people do. Likewise, I didn't consciously feel any psychological reasons to lose weight. Any alienation or low esteem I suffered I could chalk up to other things, such as my personality or having trouble in school or finding work.
The problem I'm facing now is that I'm finally dealing with my obesity. I'm celebrating every minor victory, from comfortably buckling into my roommates truck to fitting into pants from five years ago. It's been one of the most positive experiences of my life, but it comes with a certain cost: I'm destroying the illusion I had of my old life. When I celebrate losing over a hundred pounds, and I know, both intellectually and viscerally, that I need to lose one hundred more... it doesn't take long to realize just how out of control I really was.
Years of simply not dealing with my weight are catching up, emotionally. I had reasons to put it out of mind: I was failing out of college, or getting back into college, or working long hours at a pool store, or going to law school, or taking the bar exam. The line between reasons and excuses is a porous one, but either way, I had priorities to deal with. I may have gone too far, switching my mental state from not worrying about my weight problem all the way to not really acknowledging that I had a weight problem.
I've wondered at times why I haven't seen a more profound personality shift due to my weight loss, as many people that lose a lot of weight experience. The best I can come up with is that my personality was built around the idea that I was somewhat fat, but nothing too dramatic. In other words, I'm actually changing my body to match my own perception.
I think it matches why I started losing weight in the first place. Most people embark on serious diets because of dire health warnings, or because they feel completely alienated from society, or some deep rooted personal reason. I started this diet out of naked self interest, coupled with a different psychological need. I was (and still am) unemployed, and my family offered to help me use the time constructively to lose weight. In other words: I went on a diet as essentially a part time job with low pay but excellent benefits. In addition, I would be doing something positive and constructive instead of applying for jobs and playing video games all day. I don't think that's bad, if anything, I think it's been a huge reason for my success. If I failed at the diet, I faced the prospect of moving back with my parents, and by this point four months of accomplishing nothing positive in my life. Instead, while I'm still unemployed I'm enjoying the accolades of family and friends as well as logistical support in terms of food and clothing.
All in all, I think I'd rather deal with the emotional fall out from realizing I was and still am incredibly obese than be faced with the emotional fall out from being unemployed and accomplishing nothing. Body image might be a powerful force, but it's simply one component of self esteem.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Day 118 - 100lb Mark!
I'm officially weighing in at 331lbs, which puts me at 102lbs lost so far on the diet. Not bad for only being four months old. I've gone from barely fitting into size 60 pants to nearly fitting into size 52s.
I'm also realizing just how much larger than most people I was. I guess feeling like I've lost a huge amount of weight, but knowing that I'm still well over 100lbs from my final target, makes me very aware that I had a pretty serious problem. Luckily I dealt with it before it manifested in a really bad way.
There isn't too much to report these days, as the diet is still humming along nicely,
I'm also realizing just how much larger than most people I was. I guess feeling like I've lost a huge amount of weight, but knowing that I'm still well over 100lbs from my final target, makes me very aware that I had a pretty serious problem. Luckily I dealt with it before it manifested in a really bad way.
There isn't too much to report these days, as the diet is still humming along nicely,
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Day 104 - Weight loss seems back on track
I weighed myself today at 340.6lbs, which means I'm back on track for losing weight. My goal of 330 by the end of June is very attainable, especially with my new awesome pedometer coupled with the fact that I actually use said pedometer.
For a long time now, my default "walk" has been north from my building to Clifton Ave, crossing the Rocky River on that bridge, winding back down to a side street, back up to Detroit, and then back over the river and home. Despite entering new stride length into the pedometer, it's still telling me that it's a nearly 1.5 miles, when common sense seems to indicate that it's shorter. I may have to do the nearly unthinkable: take the pedometer to a high school track or other set length, and compare the measurement of my device with the known length of the course. Any suggestions as to where to find such a location in Cleveland will be appreciated.
One weakness of my current eating has been to no longer weigh my foods with the rigor I used to. This is fine for special occasions or when traveling, especially if I stop eating once full. It can be problematic when eating at home, for a couple of days in a row. I'm back on the wagon of weighing my food, so hopefully that will help. Even in a diet as strict as mine, there are still variations in how closely one can stick to the regimen. the big rule that I always follow is to stay away from carbs, and aside from small amounts of bacon and cheese, most fats as well. This diet isn't wild about me eating a 10oz steak, a 5oz filet, and then 6oz of pork, but that's just slowing me down, not derailing me.
One question I've gotten a couple of times recently is whether I'll be getting surgery to remove excess skin after I lose weight. I haven't thought much about it, as worrying about what to do after I lose 200lbs seems too close to counting chickens before they are hatched. Honestly, it's not a problem I'd be too crushed to have, as it means I've lost enough weight to need it. I think I'd consider the surgery, but I'd really prefer to stay completely natural. there is also the hope that my skin will naturally shrink back. Either way, worrying about it is like worrying about the taxes you'll pay when you're rich: one step at a time.
For a long time now, my default "walk" has been north from my building to Clifton Ave, crossing the Rocky River on that bridge, winding back down to a side street, back up to Detroit, and then back over the river and home. Despite entering new stride length into the pedometer, it's still telling me that it's a nearly 1.5 miles, when common sense seems to indicate that it's shorter. I may have to do the nearly unthinkable: take the pedometer to a high school track or other set length, and compare the measurement of my device with the known length of the course. Any suggestions as to where to find such a location in Cleveland will be appreciated.
One weakness of my current eating has been to no longer weigh my foods with the rigor I used to. This is fine for special occasions or when traveling, especially if I stop eating once full. It can be problematic when eating at home, for a couple of days in a row. I'm back on the wagon of weighing my food, so hopefully that will help. Even in a diet as strict as mine, there are still variations in how closely one can stick to the regimen. the big rule that I always follow is to stay away from carbs, and aside from small amounts of bacon and cheese, most fats as well. This diet isn't wild about me eating a 10oz steak, a 5oz filet, and then 6oz of pork, but that's just slowing me down, not derailing me.
One question I've gotten a couple of times recently is whether I'll be getting surgery to remove excess skin after I lose weight. I haven't thought much about it, as worrying about what to do after I lose 200lbs seems too close to counting chickens before they are hatched. Honestly, it's not a problem I'd be too crushed to have, as it means I've lost enough weight to need it. I think I'd consider the surgery, but I'd really prefer to stay completely natural. there is also the hope that my skin will naturally shrink back. Either way, worrying about it is like worrying about the taxes you'll pay when you're rich: one step at a time.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Day 102 - Getting worried about a slowdown
For the last week my weight has not budged overly much. This has happened before, but I know deep down that there are three reasons to be concerned. First, the weight loss is a function of how much under maintenance calories my diet is, and as I lose weight my maintenance level also goes down. Second, I've been playing faster and looser with the diet in the last month than I had in the first three months. Third, I haven't been getting quite as much exercise as I should be.
The first concern is out of my control, but the second is something that I need to reign in. Even when I deviate horribly, my calories are well under 1500 calories. For example, today I finished a chef salad from last night for breakfast, had 7oz of tilapia for lunch, and 10oz of strip steak for dinner. Technically, that's probably 3 or 4 more ounces of protein more than I should be eating, but the steak is only 550 calories while the fish was about 250 calories. Even assuming 200 calories in lettuce, carrot, ham, Swiss, and bacon, I'm still at 1000 calories for the day.
Still, the program is in many ways a dogmatic thing for me. Knowing that I'm exceeding the limits is worrying. This weekend is easy to write off, as I had a friend's bachelor party on Saturday, so there was a generally debauched aim for the weekend. I'm not sure how wild and crazy a chef salad at 2am is, but it was tasty and the only other thing I had eaten that day was 3oz of chicken and 4 hot wings (i couldn't finish a 6-pack. In my prime I could knock out 24).
The third element, exercise, is in many ways the one I have the most control over. I'm walking more, and I shot nine holes of golf Saturday for the first time in a decade, but I need to get to the gym more regularly, especially as the weather is quickly getting too unpleasant for too much sweating. I am finding the heat less oppressive than I used to, having shed 90lbs and gained a little muscle back. I was able to hike the nine holes with no trouble, and I even had a few good golf shots.
This morning I finally weighed in at 342lbs, for a total loss of 92lbs and only 3lbs lost in the last week. Simple math seems to argue that I have to lose more than than over length of time. Assuming 10 calories per lb of weight, I'm still burning 3400 calories a day. Eating roughly 1000 calories a day means I'm down 2400calories a day, or 16,000 a week, or just under 5lbs a week. Adding nearly any exercise helps, and there's no way I'm secretly eating the 7,000 calories a week it would take to stop the loss of two pounds.
On the other hand, I need to relax a bit about my weight loss. I'm not keeping accurate enough records now to worry about the fluctuations. When I worked for the census I would weight myself every morning in roughly the same clothes, now I'm seldom wearing what I wore every day then. My goal was 330 by the end of the month, and 310 by July 31st, and I still have 15days to lose 12lbs. It's not easy, but I think I can jump start it. It's good to have a goal.
The first concern is out of my control, but the second is something that I need to reign in. Even when I deviate horribly, my calories are well under 1500 calories. For example, today I finished a chef salad from last night for breakfast, had 7oz of tilapia for lunch, and 10oz of strip steak for dinner. Technically, that's probably 3 or 4 more ounces of protein more than I should be eating, but the steak is only 550 calories while the fish was about 250 calories. Even assuming 200 calories in lettuce, carrot, ham, Swiss, and bacon, I'm still at 1000 calories for the day.
Still, the program is in many ways a dogmatic thing for me. Knowing that I'm exceeding the limits is worrying. This weekend is easy to write off, as I had a friend's bachelor party on Saturday, so there was a generally debauched aim for the weekend. I'm not sure how wild and crazy a chef salad at 2am is, but it was tasty and the only other thing I had eaten that day was 3oz of chicken and 4 hot wings (i couldn't finish a 6-pack. In my prime I could knock out 24).
The third element, exercise, is in many ways the one I have the most control over. I'm walking more, and I shot nine holes of golf Saturday for the first time in a decade, but I need to get to the gym more regularly, especially as the weather is quickly getting too unpleasant for too much sweating. I am finding the heat less oppressive than I used to, having shed 90lbs and gained a little muscle back. I was able to hike the nine holes with no trouble, and I even had a few good golf shots.
This morning I finally weighed in at 342lbs, for a total loss of 92lbs and only 3lbs lost in the last week. Simple math seems to argue that I have to lose more than than over length of time. Assuming 10 calories per lb of weight, I'm still burning 3400 calories a day. Eating roughly 1000 calories a day means I'm down 2400calories a day, or 16,000 a week, or just under 5lbs a week. Adding nearly any exercise helps, and there's no way I'm secretly eating the 7,000 calories a week it would take to stop the loss of two pounds.
On the other hand, I need to relax a bit about my weight loss. I'm not keeping accurate enough records now to worry about the fluctuations. When I worked for the census I would weight myself every morning in roughly the same clothes, now I'm seldom wearing what I wore every day then. My goal was 330 by the end of the month, and 310 by July 31st, and I still have 15days to lose 12lbs. It's not easy, but I think I can jump start it. It's good to have a goal.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Day 96 - Testing the boundaries of the diet
As I mentioned in an earlier post, two weeks ago, while moving, I made the mistake of eating nearly a half pound of jerky in a single day. While fine for a normal person, 32 grams of carbs caused my ketosis to plummet to nearly nothing. I spent three days rebuilding, going through genuine hunger pangs and the like until I finally re-emerged.
With some time on my hands, I've started experimenting with various ways to break the program's rules, and to see the results.
On Saturday I visited a few friends for dinner, at which I ate a roughly 14oz steak for my only real meal of the day. While I think that three meals a day is the best way to go, I never had any problems during or after that day, making it possible to save up for a really big meal.
Earlier last week, I deliberately ate over my protein limit, but stayed completely within my carb limit. Eating approximately 32oz of meat in a day, or twice my allowed value, resulted in no real ketosis drop and no hunger effects the next day. I know better than to play with fire too much, but it's good to know that I really can indulge now and then with no catastrophic results. Of course, it's worth pointing out that even in this "indulgence" I was still under 2000 calories for the day, which at my weight, age, and build is well below maintenance.
Coupling these results with the knowledge I picked up about eating small amounts of high fat foods like cheese or bacon shows that I have more long term options than originally presented. I also know that staying in ketosis is incredibly important, for my own sanity if not for any actual weight loss reason. On the other hand, I've learned that much like in any other diet, a calorie slip is just a calorie slip. Unlike most diets, a calorie slip doesn't mean I gain weight or even plateau, I simply lose weight slower.
My ability to weigh myself accurately is hamstrung by moving apartments, followed by going home for nearly a week, but I'm currently at 345 by my scale, for 88lbs lost. Clearly the loss has slowed in the last few weeks, but not alarmingly so.
I did buy some new clothes recently, as many of my casual shirts were simply too large. The clothes at Casual MaleXL run big, for obvious reasons, but I've gone from barely fitting into all of my 4x Big shirts to fitting nicely into 2X Big shirts. The big size means they're more generous in the gut, which is still my problem. Picking up a handful of things is helpful in a number of ways. I look better, I feel better wearing them, I have a lot of pride in a tangible result, and also I feel far more motivated to stay on the program.
When I went home, many people were visibly shocked by my weight loss, which felt great. It had been about six weeks since they had seen me, and the ~40lbs I lost in that time were far more noticeable than the first 40. I'm starting to day dream about how noticeable the next 40 is going to be. With 350 gone with no real fanfare, the next big milestone is 100lbs lost, at 333lbs. I should reach that in a week or so, and even with scale fluctuations I should be there by my visit to the doctor next Tuesday. I was 365lbs May 10th, which was 5 weeks before this vist. If I'm down to 340, that puts me at 5lbs a week, which is still a healthy clip for this diet.
The real prize that's coming over the horizon in a few months is the double joy of going under 300lbs, and the reaching 287lbs: the threshold into Morbid obesity. it's been a joke, but as arbitrary lines in the sand go, getting under that one is a big goal of mine. It's up there with "buy clothes at the mall" and "ride roller coasters again" as things that I really want to accomplish on my diet.
I've been reconsidering leaving the diet in November so I can enjoy the holidays. I'm starting to think that as long as I can handle the Protein Fast, I should stay on it for my weight loss, and simply look at the Mediterranean diet as a maintenance program. I have a long way to go, and maybe I'll break down and need to get off before then, but at this point I'm over three months in, and six or seven more months isn't unthinkable. I think the comfort I have with my diet, coupled with the fact that while weight loss has slowed since the first month the speed at which my body is changing is almost faster makes staying on both psychically satisfying and wise.
With some time on my hands, I've started experimenting with various ways to break the program's rules, and to see the results.
On Saturday I visited a few friends for dinner, at which I ate a roughly 14oz steak for my only real meal of the day. While I think that three meals a day is the best way to go, I never had any problems during or after that day, making it possible to save up for a really big meal.
Earlier last week, I deliberately ate over my protein limit, but stayed completely within my carb limit. Eating approximately 32oz of meat in a day, or twice my allowed value, resulted in no real ketosis drop and no hunger effects the next day. I know better than to play with fire too much, but it's good to know that I really can indulge now and then with no catastrophic results. Of course, it's worth pointing out that even in this "indulgence" I was still under 2000 calories for the day, which at my weight, age, and build is well below maintenance.
Coupling these results with the knowledge I picked up about eating small amounts of high fat foods like cheese or bacon shows that I have more long term options than originally presented. I also know that staying in ketosis is incredibly important, for my own sanity if not for any actual weight loss reason. On the other hand, I've learned that much like in any other diet, a calorie slip is just a calorie slip. Unlike most diets, a calorie slip doesn't mean I gain weight or even plateau, I simply lose weight slower.
My ability to weigh myself accurately is hamstrung by moving apartments, followed by going home for nearly a week, but I'm currently at 345 by my scale, for 88lbs lost. Clearly the loss has slowed in the last few weeks, but not alarmingly so.
I did buy some new clothes recently, as many of my casual shirts were simply too large. The clothes at Casual MaleXL run big, for obvious reasons, but I've gone from barely fitting into all of my 4x Big shirts to fitting nicely into 2X Big shirts. The big size means they're more generous in the gut, which is still my problem. Picking up a handful of things is helpful in a number of ways. I look better, I feel better wearing them, I have a lot of pride in a tangible result, and also I feel far more motivated to stay on the program.
When I went home, many people were visibly shocked by my weight loss, which felt great. It had been about six weeks since they had seen me, and the ~40lbs I lost in that time were far more noticeable than the first 40. I'm starting to day dream about how noticeable the next 40 is going to be. With 350 gone with no real fanfare, the next big milestone is 100lbs lost, at 333lbs. I should reach that in a week or so, and even with scale fluctuations I should be there by my visit to the doctor next Tuesday. I was 365lbs May 10th, which was 5 weeks before this vist. If I'm down to 340, that puts me at 5lbs a week, which is still a healthy clip for this diet.
The real prize that's coming over the horizon in a few months is the double joy of going under 300lbs, and the reaching 287lbs: the threshold into Morbid obesity. it's been a joke, but as arbitrary lines in the sand go, getting under that one is a big goal of mine. It's up there with "buy clothes at the mall" and "ride roller coasters again" as things that I really want to accomplish on my diet.
I've been reconsidering leaving the diet in November so I can enjoy the holidays. I'm starting to think that as long as I can handle the Protein Fast, I should stay on it for my weight loss, and simply look at the Mediterranean diet as a maintenance program. I have a long way to go, and maybe I'll break down and need to get off before then, but at this point I'm over three months in, and six or seven more months isn't unthinkable. I think the comfort I have with my diet, coupled with the fact that while weight loss has slowed since the first month the speed at which my body is changing is almost faster makes staying on both psychically satisfying and wise.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Day 89 - Visit to the Parents
I'm back home with my parents in Detroit. It's weird, but it's almost easier to keep on the program when I'm at my parent's than when I'm home in Lakewood. I've been cooking a lot for them, and they really enjoy the cuban sandwiches.
I have had some troubles with my moodiness again, which I think is related to my close call last weekend with the jerky carbs. I guess every time you go back into ketosis, you have to do the whole process again.
At least I'm still losing weight, down to under 350lbs for 80lbs lost so far!
I have had some troubles with my moodiness again, which I think is related to my close call last weekend with the jerky carbs. I guess every time you go back into ketosis, you have to do the whole process again.
At least I'm still losing weight, down to under 350lbs for 80lbs lost so far!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Emotional Eating, continued
As mentioned in an earlier post, I've come to realize how much of my day to day stress, anxiety, and simple emotion I dealt with through eating (and to a much lesser extent, drinking). I think I've developed some much healthier approaches to my emotions and I'm working hard to avoid falling back into those habits once I leave the fast.
So far, that's all I've really dealt with: day to day trials and tribulations. While that's the real danger (as weight loss or gain is a long term process), today I've learned how strange it is to deal with more dramatic emotional events without food or alcohol. I've been working part time, and while I knew the job was temporary, I found out that I was most likely done with all actual work. Later, my girlfriend who had had emergency surgery a week ago informed me that she wanted to break up. Both events were foreseen, and neither is a really bad turn of events, but it still left me in an interesting emotional state.
Emotional eating is a problem, as is alcoholism, but nobody judges the person who got fired and dumped in the same day for pigging out on Chinese food and drinking a twelve pack. It's allowed, hell, it's encouraged in many circles. I found myself strongly drawn to binging, closer than I'd been on the diet. I talked some stuff through with family and friends, and did some thinking on my own about what really bothered me, and I'm fine now, but for a few hours this evening I felt truly upset that I was on my diet and couldn't deal with things the way I wanted to.
Finally, this was a cathartic day, but not a traumatic or a shocking one. I'm worried what would happen if the emotions were surprising or deeply upsetting. I can only hope I can deal with them, and not resort to food.
So far, that's all I've really dealt with: day to day trials and tribulations. While that's the real danger (as weight loss or gain is a long term process), today I've learned how strange it is to deal with more dramatic emotional events without food or alcohol. I've been working part time, and while I knew the job was temporary, I found out that I was most likely done with all actual work. Later, my girlfriend who had had emergency surgery a week ago informed me that she wanted to break up. Both events were foreseen, and neither is a really bad turn of events, but it still left me in an interesting emotional state.
Emotional eating is a problem, as is alcoholism, but nobody judges the person who got fired and dumped in the same day for pigging out on Chinese food and drinking a twelve pack. It's allowed, hell, it's encouraged in many circles. I found myself strongly drawn to binging, closer than I'd been on the diet. I talked some stuff through with family and friends, and did some thinking on my own about what really bothered me, and I'm fine now, but for a few hours this evening I felt truly upset that I was on my diet and couldn't deal with things the way I wanted to.
Finally, this was a cathartic day, but not a traumatic or a shocking one. I'm worried what would happen if the emotions were surprising or deeply upsetting. I can only hope I can deal with them, and not resort to food.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Day 84 - Progress and Perils
Last weekend my roommmate and I moved to a different unit in the building, and so we've had unreliable access to the internet in the last week or so. I'm now living the true hipster dream: updating my blog in a starbucks.
One of the truths of my diet is that the stricter you stay on the diet, the easier it is to stay. Conversely, the more loose I play with the restrictions, the harder it is to follow. The reason for that is the ketosis underlying my weight loss: as long as my body thinks it's fasting, I'm not hungry. If my body thinks making my hungry will result in more food, for example by getting more food one day, it will ramp up the hunger.
The disheartening part of this is that it doesn't take much. I bought a brand of jerky that only had 4grams of carbs per ounce, which is relatively low for jerky. As a one ounce treat now and then, it's not a problem. What is a problem is eating an entire pound bag over a three day period. 64 grams of extraneous carbs over three days, when normally I stay under 20 total per day knocked me almost completely out of ketosis. Because of that, I spent two days hungry, while I stayed rigorously on the plan. It's better now, but I spent two days hungry and watched my weight loss slow down dramatically.
I have managed to lose more weight, I'm now unofficially up to 80lbs lost at 353lbs. I'm fitting into cars better, I can buckle my seat belt with ease. I feel in many ways that I've lost enough weight to look appreciably thinner, and while still fat I'm getting close to socially acceptably morbid obesity. One of my current fun goals is to reach as close to 300lbs as possible by a friend's wedding July 31st. Realistically, 310 is the real goal, but getting to see a lot of friends and acquaintances down 100+ pounds is going to make me feel pretty good.
One of the truths of my diet is that the stricter you stay on the diet, the easier it is to stay. Conversely, the more loose I play with the restrictions, the harder it is to follow. The reason for that is the ketosis underlying my weight loss: as long as my body thinks it's fasting, I'm not hungry. If my body thinks making my hungry will result in more food, for example by getting more food one day, it will ramp up the hunger.
The disheartening part of this is that it doesn't take much. I bought a brand of jerky that only had 4grams of carbs per ounce, which is relatively low for jerky. As a one ounce treat now and then, it's not a problem. What is a problem is eating an entire pound bag over a three day period. 64 grams of extraneous carbs over three days, when normally I stay under 20 total per day knocked me almost completely out of ketosis. Because of that, I spent two days hungry, while I stayed rigorously on the plan. It's better now, but I spent two days hungry and watched my weight loss slow down dramatically.
I have managed to lose more weight, I'm now unofficially up to 80lbs lost at 353lbs. I'm fitting into cars better, I can buckle my seat belt with ease. I feel in many ways that I've lost enough weight to look appreciably thinner, and while still fat I'm getting close to socially acceptably morbid obesity. One of my current fun goals is to reach as close to 300lbs as possible by a friend's wedding July 31st. Realistically, 310 is the real goal, but getting to see a lot of friends and acquaintances down 100+ pounds is going to make me feel pretty good.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Day 77 - Finding new (old) clothes
My roommate and I are moving to a slightly larger apartment down the hall, so I've taken this opportunity to go through my clothes and find stuff that either is now too big, or I won't wear once I lose the weight. It's been fun, because while few things are so ludicrously large I can't wear it, I'm fitting comfortably into stuff I haven't worn in years. One of the hard parts was giving away old fraternity shirts, not because they're too small or big, but because t-shirts really aren't a cornerstone of my wardrobe anymore, and I'm going to keep the shirts that I either really like or can at least remember the event. My apologies to "Greek week 2004," but I don't remember a single thing about you.
It's probably not a total suprise that there is a correlation between the years in which I gained weight and those years I failed out of college. I've been trying to reconstruct the stages of my weight gain based on when I last wore certain clothes. With my pre-law school sport coat fitting very well now, It's clear I gained at least some serious weight in law school. Based on how well my Pooltown button down fits, and how poorly it fit when I was issued it in March of 2006, I'm guessing I'm now thinner now than then. My Lego Robot egghunt t-shirt was massive when I got it in December of 2001, but now is only slightly large at a 4x. I clearly crossed the xxl to triple x threshhold after 2001, as I remember buying shirts at malls and Kmarts as late as then, and they generally went only up to xxl then. The xxxl to 4x threshold was either my last year at case, or early in law school. Odds are, I crossed it late in college, but finally gave up trying to fit in many 3x shirts by law school.
I'm currently solidly back in the 3x territory, with 4xs still fitting comfortably, if a bit big. A 3x windbreaker that I barely could zip in college now fits comfortably, while even a few 2xl polos are wearable, if not comfy.
It's a pretty dramatic development, as I've been eagerly awaiting the time when I can shop at mainstream stores for my clothes. I'm trying to avoid buying any cloths now, as they'll be too big in six months, but some things are unavoidable: my suit is laughably big, and I have exactly one white dress shirt that comes close to fitting. Somethings are supposed to fit well. I'll be seeing a tailor to get some stuff let in soon. Of the problems to have, this is a pretty good one!
It's probably not a total suprise that there is a correlation between the years in which I gained weight and those years I failed out of college. I've been trying to reconstruct the stages of my weight gain based on when I last wore certain clothes. With my pre-law school sport coat fitting very well now, It's clear I gained at least some serious weight in law school. Based on how well my Pooltown button down fits, and how poorly it fit when I was issued it in March of 2006, I'm guessing I'm now thinner now than then. My Lego Robot egghunt t-shirt was massive when I got it in December of 2001, but now is only slightly large at a 4x. I clearly crossed the xxl to triple x threshhold after 2001, as I remember buying shirts at malls and Kmarts as late as then, and they generally went only up to xxl then. The xxxl to 4x threshold was either my last year at case, or early in law school. Odds are, I crossed it late in college, but finally gave up trying to fit in many 3x shirts by law school.
I'm currently solidly back in the 3x territory, with 4xs still fitting comfortably, if a bit big. A 3x windbreaker that I barely could zip in college now fits comfortably, while even a few 2xl polos are wearable, if not comfy.
It's a pretty dramatic development, as I've been eagerly awaiting the time when I can shop at mainstream stores for my clothes. I'm trying to avoid buying any cloths now, as they'll be too big in six months, but some things are unavoidable: my suit is laughably big, and I have exactly one white dress shirt that comes close to fitting. Somethings are supposed to fit well. I'll be seeing a tailor to get some stuff let in soon. Of the problems to have, this is a pretty good one!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Day 75 - Stress Eating and Me
The exact mechanics of how a person becomes overweight and obese vary from person to person due to metabolism, activity levels, psychology, etc, but in the end gaining weight is about eating more food than your body needs. For myself, like most obese people, I knew intellectually that one reason I was eating so much was because I was using food as a form of self medication to deal with stress or emotions in my life. I knew that, but I I knew that I also really enjoyed eating, and that I was a pretty controlled guy, and that I had some bad habits, making stress eating a smaller part of the overall reason.
Going without the ability to respond to emotions and stresses with food for two months now, I realize that I dramatically underestimated the role emotional eating played in my lifestyle. Nearly everything, good or bad, resulted in some form of food. Boredom was cured by eating. No matter how bad I felt, I could eat something fried and feel at least a little better. In the first few weeks of the diet, I found myself often short tempered if i didn't eat often enough. I had chalked it up to low blood sugar, but part of me wonders if I was simply having trouble dealing with my emotions without eating.
Nobody at the Clinic has suggested I take part in any sort of counseling or group sessions or anything, and I haven't volunteered because I feel that I'm handling things pretty well. The net emotional balance is overwhelmingly positive from this diet, and I've found other outlets for my feelings in working out or enjoying a nice cigar. I still feel slightly amazed at how prevalent my emotional eating was. When something good or bad happens, even now, my first thought is how to respond with food. At the most extreme end, I'm almost dreading going to a bachelor party this summer because I won't be able to eat and drink with the guys. This is going to be a really fun day with some close friends, and I almost don't want to go simply because I won't be able to celebrate the way I want to. Of course, part of that is because I can't drink, which is a different issue, but even if I could go, not drink, but eat all the junk I wanted I wouldn't feel nearly as reticent.
It's tough to realize that you had less control over your actions than you thought, and it's tough to to realize that you have a problem that not only has affect you your whole life, but will most likely never fully diminish. I guess being aware of the problem is a great first step.
Going without the ability to respond to emotions and stresses with food for two months now, I realize that I dramatically underestimated the role emotional eating played in my lifestyle. Nearly everything, good or bad, resulted in some form of food. Boredom was cured by eating. No matter how bad I felt, I could eat something fried and feel at least a little better. In the first few weeks of the diet, I found myself often short tempered if i didn't eat often enough. I had chalked it up to low blood sugar, but part of me wonders if I was simply having trouble dealing with my emotions without eating.
Nobody at the Clinic has suggested I take part in any sort of counseling or group sessions or anything, and I haven't volunteered because I feel that I'm handling things pretty well. The net emotional balance is overwhelmingly positive from this diet, and I've found other outlets for my feelings in working out or enjoying a nice cigar. I still feel slightly amazed at how prevalent my emotional eating was. When something good or bad happens, even now, my first thought is how to respond with food. At the most extreme end, I'm almost dreading going to a bachelor party this summer because I won't be able to eat and drink with the guys. This is going to be a really fun day with some close friends, and I almost don't want to go simply because I won't be able to celebrate the way I want to. Of course, part of that is because I can't drink, which is a different issue, but even if I could go, not drink, but eat all the junk I wanted I wouldn't feel nearly as reticent.
It's tough to realize that you had less control over your actions than you thought, and it's tough to to realize that you have a problem that not only has affect you your whole life, but will most likely never fully diminish. I guess being aware of the problem is a great first step.
Day 74 - The problem with cough drops
As the giant nerd that I am, I read my PSMF pamphlet cover to cover, and one factoid that stuck in my head was that sugar free cough drops often still contain carbs. That remained, deep in my mind, unused until this week, when two events occurred. First I developed a harsh, dry, hacking cough that I treated very effectively with sugar free menthol drops. Second, my ketosis plummeted from medium/large to small/medium.
After some research on the back of the back and online, I discovered that so called "sugar free" cough drops really just don't have basic sugars, but instead have sugar alcohols. These are the same things they put in sugar free gum and what not. While very low calorie, they do still make each cough drop 6 calories, all from carbs.
Faced with the alternative of coughing myself nearly out of breath, I've decided to keep using the drops, perhaps more carefully, while I scrupulously watch the rest of my diet. I'm not sure how low my ketosis can go before I officially leave it, but my appetite was in control yesterday and I felt fine with my normal breakfast of 2oz of chicken this morning.
If there is a moral to take away from this, it's that even after ten weeks on the program I can get nearly derailed by something as simple as cough drops coupled with a single poor meal choice. Eternal vigilance is a pain.
After some research on the back of the back and online, I discovered that so called "sugar free" cough drops really just don't have basic sugars, but instead have sugar alcohols. These are the same things they put in sugar free gum and what not. While very low calorie, they do still make each cough drop 6 calories, all from carbs.
Faced with the alternative of coughing myself nearly out of breath, I've decided to keep using the drops, perhaps more carefully, while I scrupulously watch the rest of my diet. I'm not sure how low my ketosis can go before I officially leave it, but my appetite was in control yesterday and I felt fine with my normal breakfast of 2oz of chicken this morning.
If there is a moral to take away from this, it's that even after ten weeks on the program I can get nearly derailed by something as simple as cough drops coupled with a single poor meal choice. Eternal vigilance is a pain.
Day 69 - A visit to the Nutritionist
I saw the nutritionist on Monday, who said that I'm doing fine. My official weigh in that day was 365lbs, for a loss of 68lbs. that's a rate of a pound per day for over two months, which is frankly pretty fast. The nutritionist on both follow ups, and the doctor the one time both appeared very surprised at my progress. I thought it was weird when I enjoyed the results they predicted, but as many people have pointed out, they weren't surprised at the results. They were surprised that I actually stuck to the plan.
One thing I wonder about is how much of my success on this diet is due to internal factor such as drive, discipline, or self control; and how much is simply due to the PSMF being an ideal diet for me. With the appetite suppressant aspect, the ability to eat tons of grilled meat, and an almost spartan simplicity, the PSMF is a very easy diet to follow. Obviously, I'm committed to the process and I'm exerting some self control, but I really am getting a huge boost from the program. As I've said before, the "cold turkey" aspect also helps a great deal. I don't have to worry about how many slices of pizza I can eat, I simply can't eat pizza.
It's the complete abstinence from certain foods that also helps me in some ways. When I'm at an event or party with pizza or other taboo foods, I don't try to explain to people that I'm on a diet and shouldn't eat it, I simply say "I can't eat pizza." If they want to know why, I explain. I'm a big believer in the idea that if you say something enough times, it starts to become try, particularly something you say about yourself. When I say "I can't eat pizza," I become more and more committed to the idea that I really can't, in fact, eat pizza. The worry about what would happen to me if I were to go off the wagon and actually eat pizza is a different, but related aspect to my ability to abstain.
I had some minor questions for the nutritionist, whose overwhelming response was "whatever you are doing is working!" I'm sure the screws will tighten as I get closer to my goal weight, but for now I'm going to stay the course.
The idea of a goal weight is very common among the professionals I spoke to, and frankly I found it interesting that they solely want to know what I want to weight instead of telling me what I should try to reach. So, it's good that they're focusing on my goals and where I'd like to see myself. On the other hand, it's hard for me to simply pick a number and run with it as a goal. I had a lot of goals at the beginning: lose the magical 10% to help my cholesterol and blood pressure, get under 400lbs, be able to shop for clothes at a mainstream store, and reach roughly 250lbs. At one point, I jokingly said that my goal was to go from "morbidly obese to just regular obese," which shakes out to about 285lbs.
At the beginning of the diet, 250lbs meant a loss of 180lbs, which meant months of dieting and seems nearly impossible. Now, after 10 weeks of the program and nearly 70lbs lost, 250lbs is only another 110lbs and probably 5 1/2 months. That's still a lot of weight and a long time, but that's only 1.5 times the weight I've already lost, and just over twice the time I've already spent on the diet. In other words, I'm already a third of the way there!
The plan for the year has developed to the point where I feel pretty comfortable, after briefing the nutritionist, to plan on cycling off the PSMF at the beginning of November. At my current rate of roughly 5lbs a week, that should result in roughly 110lbs lost by then, getting me pretty close to my goal weight. It will take a month or two to cycle off, and I'm not exactly going to go back to 4000 calories a day when I stop the diet. I'm not going to throw away momentum when I'm doing great, but it would be nice to enjoy the holidays with all the food. In some ways, that's an additional motivating factor to stay on the diet and exercise more: if I can show that I have great work out habits by then, and I've lost enough weight, I can go off the diet and be able to eat a cookie or slice of pie!
All in all, the meeting was short, positive, and mostly affirmed that I was doing everything correctly. While I felt that it was a bit of a waste of time and money, it was pointed out to me that any meeting with a health professional that says "all clear" is never a bad thing.
One thing I wonder about is how much of my success on this diet is due to internal factor such as drive, discipline, or self control; and how much is simply due to the PSMF being an ideal diet for me. With the appetite suppressant aspect, the ability to eat tons of grilled meat, and an almost spartan simplicity, the PSMF is a very easy diet to follow. Obviously, I'm committed to the process and I'm exerting some self control, but I really am getting a huge boost from the program. As I've said before, the "cold turkey" aspect also helps a great deal. I don't have to worry about how many slices of pizza I can eat, I simply can't eat pizza.
It's the complete abstinence from certain foods that also helps me in some ways. When I'm at an event or party with pizza or other taboo foods, I don't try to explain to people that I'm on a diet and shouldn't eat it, I simply say "I can't eat pizza." If they want to know why, I explain. I'm a big believer in the idea that if you say something enough times, it starts to become try, particularly something you say about yourself. When I say "I can't eat pizza," I become more and more committed to the idea that I really can't, in fact, eat pizza. The worry about what would happen to me if I were to go off the wagon and actually eat pizza is a different, but related aspect to my ability to abstain.
I had some minor questions for the nutritionist, whose overwhelming response was "whatever you are doing is working!" I'm sure the screws will tighten as I get closer to my goal weight, but for now I'm going to stay the course.
The idea of a goal weight is very common among the professionals I spoke to, and frankly I found it interesting that they solely want to know what I want to weight instead of telling me what I should try to reach. So, it's good that they're focusing on my goals and where I'd like to see myself. On the other hand, it's hard for me to simply pick a number and run with it as a goal. I had a lot of goals at the beginning: lose the magical 10% to help my cholesterol and blood pressure, get under 400lbs, be able to shop for clothes at a mainstream store, and reach roughly 250lbs. At one point, I jokingly said that my goal was to go from "morbidly obese to just regular obese," which shakes out to about 285lbs.
At the beginning of the diet, 250lbs meant a loss of 180lbs, which meant months of dieting and seems nearly impossible. Now, after 10 weeks of the program and nearly 70lbs lost, 250lbs is only another 110lbs and probably 5 1/2 months. That's still a lot of weight and a long time, but that's only 1.5 times the weight I've already lost, and just over twice the time I've already spent on the diet. In other words, I'm already a third of the way there!
The plan for the year has developed to the point where I feel pretty comfortable, after briefing the nutritionist, to plan on cycling off the PSMF at the beginning of November. At my current rate of roughly 5lbs a week, that should result in roughly 110lbs lost by then, getting me pretty close to my goal weight. It will take a month or two to cycle off, and I'm not exactly going to go back to 4000 calories a day when I stop the diet. I'm not going to throw away momentum when I'm doing great, but it would be nice to enjoy the holidays with all the food. In some ways, that's an additional motivating factor to stay on the diet and exercise more: if I can show that I have great work out habits by then, and I've lost enough weight, I can go off the diet and be able to eat a cookie or slice of pie!
All in all, the meeting was short, positive, and mostly affirmed that I was doing everything correctly. While I felt that it was a bit of a waste of time and money, it was pointed out to me that any meeting with a health professional that says "all clear" is never a bad thing.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Day 66 - continued progress
Wednesday I went to the local Clinic office to have blood drawn for some tests, and I used their scale to weight myself. I clocked in at 370lbs, and given that the scale there tended high (I was 10lbs higher there than at the bariatric center two weeks later), I'm pretty happy. The panels all came back normal, except for uric acid, which was high because of my diet.
I occasionally try on clothes from my closet, as another way to gauge my progress, and I'm pretty officially down to a size 56 from a size 60. Pants sizes are harder to gain lose the more you weigh, due to the nature of a three dimensional solid, so shedding those sizes was a good thing for me.
One interesting development of the last week or so is that I haven't had any food cravings for anything I'm not allowed. I think about steak, or pork, but I no longer have the intense cravings for pizza or ice cream I once had. Part of me thinks it's just cyclical, but part of me wonders if it's been so long that I'm genuinely losing my taste for those things.
Finally, I've had great success experimenting with my cuban meat pile. I've taken to shredding the cheese, adding a small amount of hot sauce to the chicken while I heat it up, and using more pickles. Here's a picture of a later attempt:
I occasionally try on clothes from my closet, as another way to gauge my progress, and I'm pretty officially down to a size 56 from a size 60. Pants sizes are harder to gain lose the more you weigh, due to the nature of a three dimensional solid, so shedding those sizes was a good thing for me.
One interesting development of the last week or so is that I haven't had any food cravings for anything I'm not allowed. I think about steak, or pork, but I no longer have the intense cravings for pizza or ice cream I once had. Part of me thinks it's just cyclical, but part of me wonders if it's been so long that I'm genuinely losing my taste for those things.
Finally, I've had great success experimenting with my cuban meat pile. I've taken to shredding the cheese, adding a small amount of hot sauce to the chicken while I heat it up, and using more pickles. Here's a picture of a later attempt:
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Day 61 - Cuban Meat Pile
Today, I took my first swing at a cuban style sandwich. I bought a rotisserie chicken at Giant Eagle, and pulled some of the white meat, and heated it in a pan with lemon juice and chili spices. Once heated up, I threw a slice of ham on the pan and piled the chicken on top, and sliced a little cheese on the very top. Once the cheese melted, I served in on a plate with spicy brown mustard and some pickle slices.
It was a tasty treat, and I'll have fun tweaking the recipe. It's definitely missing the salami, which is really hard to fit into my diet, but it was still great.
It was a tasty treat, and I'll have fun tweaking the recipe. It's definitely missing the salami, which is really hard to fit into my diet, but it was still great.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Day 60 - Appetite has disappeared again
Over the past two weeks, I've been very concerned about my appetite. I'd noticed that I was hungry more often, that I had more frequent food cravings, and that in general I craved and actually ate more food. Most notably, one night a few days ago I ate 12oz of steak instead of the 6oz I had allotted to my dinner, making it one of the few days I'd gone far over my limit.
In the past two days, that's completely reversed. I find myself getting full at meals, not being hungry between meals, and in general having less interest in food. I'm very glad, as I was fearing that perhaps my body had acclimated to the PSMF, and was no longer riding the "fasting high."
According to my home scale, I weigh in, fully dressed without shoes, at 371, which puts me at roughly 373, which means I've lost a full 60lbs so far on this diet. That sort of thing is even to keep me on the diet for a few more weeks. There is something about hitting 60lbs that seems more real than 50lbs did. I think it might be because it happened so fast after i reached 43 (which was 10% of my initial weight), but I really feel like I've lost a lot of weight. People are starting to really comment that I look thinner, and my mood and attitude is vastly improved over two months ago.
I'm at the point where I can barely wear a few pairs of my jeans. I look like a guy in a weight loss ad, holding out my pants far enough to drop a small fruit into. It's a great place to be.
Finally, I went to the Winking Lizard with my girlfriend yesterday, and I ordered my favorite seasonal entree: the Cuban sandwich. Of course, I had them leave the bread off, but for simply being spiced roast chicken, a few slices each of ham and salami, and some melted Swiss on top, it was very good. It's served with a few pickle slices and some great brown mustard. I think I'm going to hit a good market to find some mustard and some lunch meat to make my own in the future. The only thing that I'm really not allowed is the salami, so I might use more ham. Any advice on making Cuban sandwiches would be appreciated!
In the past two days, that's completely reversed. I find myself getting full at meals, not being hungry between meals, and in general having less interest in food. I'm very glad, as I was fearing that perhaps my body had acclimated to the PSMF, and was no longer riding the "fasting high."
According to my home scale, I weigh in, fully dressed without shoes, at 371, which puts me at roughly 373, which means I've lost a full 60lbs so far on this diet. That sort of thing is even to keep me on the diet for a few more weeks. There is something about hitting 60lbs that seems more real than 50lbs did. I think it might be because it happened so fast after i reached 43 (which was 10% of my initial weight), but I really feel like I've lost a lot of weight. People are starting to really comment that I look thinner, and my mood and attitude is vastly improved over two months ago.
I'm at the point where I can barely wear a few pairs of my jeans. I look like a guy in a weight loss ad, holding out my pants far enough to drop a small fruit into. It's a great place to be.
Finally, I went to the Winking Lizard with my girlfriend yesterday, and I ordered my favorite seasonal entree: the Cuban sandwich. Of course, I had them leave the bread off, but for simply being spiced roast chicken, a few slices each of ham and salami, and some melted Swiss on top, it was very good. It's served with a few pickle slices and some great brown mustard. I think I'm going to hit a good market to find some mustard and some lunch meat to make my own in the future. The only thing that I'm really not allowed is the salami, so I might use more ham. Any advice on making Cuban sandwiches would be appreciated!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Day 57 - Easing into a work schedule
I starting working for the Census this week, and all we're really doing now is training. Luckily we've been getting an hour a day for lunch, and I train about 5 minutes from my house, so I've been able to stay on the diet while working. Keeping on the diet during a full time job is my last big worry/hurdle to overcome, so clearing this smaller obstacle makes me optimistic about the future of my diet.
In actual weight loss news, I weighed in this morning at 375 dressed, which is a slow down to only about 5lbs a week. I still haven't been exercising as much as I should, although my eating has been in line. I feel that I really can't complain too much when I'm not meeting my exercise quota, but I miss the early days when I was losing water weight.
At this point, every pound I lose is true fat, and that is one reason I'm staying positive and committed. The other reason is that while I have lost a lot of weight (roughly 55lbs), I haven't met any real goals other than basic health goals (losing 10%). With the true slowdown here, getting to 250lbs means at least 25 more weeks of this diet, compared to only 8 completed so far. On the flip side, 26 weeks is six months, which allows me to bail on the diet in early November, or in time for the holidays. Given that even "phase two" will be strictly regimented, it's looking like I won't be completely off until at or past the New Year. I would like to be able to eat normally by Christmas (or even Thanksgiving), but I'm not sure I should stop a good thing to indulge in the worst food time of the year.
Time is a weird thing on this diet, even more so than normal. I don't feel like I've been dieting for nearly two months (even though I have been), yet I barely remember how I used to eat. The closest comparison I can think of is the transition to college life after high school. It's so completely different, and so positive, that you barely remember life before. Another thing that comes close is after breaking up with a girlfriend: after a few weeks, you stop even thinking about calling her, and get used to a new routine.
The thing I'm most grateful for in this diet thus far has been my ability to not get bored with the foods I can eat. I still get excited about steak, or chicken. I've added some more fish so I can make the doctor happy, and honestly it's pretty good covered in garlic with a little low carb ketchup.
In recent days, the thing I am least happy about with the diet is a lack of "free" foods. Outside of iceberg lettuce, there is nothing i can eat simply to satisfy that sort of vague hunger/boredom that afflicts me in mid afternoons. Pickles come close, and I've been eating a lot of them, but even they're technically restricted. Many diets allow "binge items", be they veggies on a high fiber diet or lean meat on Atkins. I've been drinking a lot of water, crystal light, and soda, but I've been craving food a lot lately. I'm guessing my body has simply acclimated to the current intake, and is operating more efficiently and thus I'm losing less weight and feeling more hungry.
In actual weight loss news, I weighed in this morning at 375 dressed, which is a slow down to only about 5lbs a week. I still haven't been exercising as much as I should, although my eating has been in line. I feel that I really can't complain too much when I'm not meeting my exercise quota, but I miss the early days when I was losing water weight.
At this point, every pound I lose is true fat, and that is one reason I'm staying positive and committed. The other reason is that while I have lost a lot of weight (roughly 55lbs), I haven't met any real goals other than basic health goals (losing 10%). With the true slowdown here, getting to 250lbs means at least 25 more weeks of this diet, compared to only 8 completed so far. On the flip side, 26 weeks is six months, which allows me to bail on the diet in early November, or in time for the holidays. Given that even "phase two" will be strictly regimented, it's looking like I won't be completely off until at or past the New Year. I would like to be able to eat normally by Christmas (or even Thanksgiving), but I'm not sure I should stop a good thing to indulge in the worst food time of the year.
Time is a weird thing on this diet, even more so than normal. I don't feel like I've been dieting for nearly two months (even though I have been), yet I barely remember how I used to eat. The closest comparison I can think of is the transition to college life after high school. It's so completely different, and so positive, that you barely remember life before. Another thing that comes close is after breaking up with a girlfriend: after a few weeks, you stop even thinking about calling her, and get used to a new routine.
The thing I'm most grateful for in this diet thus far has been my ability to not get bored with the foods I can eat. I still get excited about steak, or chicken. I've added some more fish so I can make the doctor happy, and honestly it's pretty good covered in garlic with a little low carb ketchup.
In recent days, the thing I am least happy about with the diet is a lack of "free" foods. Outside of iceberg lettuce, there is nothing i can eat simply to satisfy that sort of vague hunger/boredom that afflicts me in mid afternoons. Pickles come close, and I've been eating a lot of them, but even they're technically restricted. Many diets allow "binge items", be they veggies on a high fiber diet or lean meat on Atkins. I've been drinking a lot of water, crystal light, and soda, but I've been craving food a lot lately. I'm guessing my body has simply acclimated to the current intake, and is operating more efficiently and thus I'm losing less weight and feeling more hungry.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Day 52- the joys of hot sauce
The major difference between the PSMF diet and most diets is that most diets preach, or at least condone, a certain realistic moderation. It's not that you you can't eat pizza on weight watchers, it's that you can only have a small amount as a treat now and then. Most diets have these pressure release valves that allow a person to eat "normally" from time to time, or enjoy a favorite food.
My diet finds moderation to be weak and ineffectual, and completely forbids all foods with more carbs than a large carrot. This has been good for me, as 12 years of adult life has shown that I have no real ability to moderate my food intake. The flip side is that I'm going to go about nine months without many of my favorite foods. One of the major reasons I've had the success I've had on this diet, however, is that it includes many of my favorite foods: grilled meat. Still, I'm always looking for ways to recapture old favorites.
My recent accomplishment is finding a bottle of buffalo wing sauce with zero calories. Chicken Breast, grilled plain, and covered in hot sauce would never be mistaken for buffalo wings by anybody whose eaten a wing in the last six weeks, but after nearly two months, I'm happy to feel the interplay of chicken and hot sauce once more. While celery is allowed on my diet, bleu cheese is most definitly not, so I generally serve the chicken with pickles instead. It provides a cold sour to complement the spicy hot chicken. As an added bonus, I drink more water while eating the hot sauce.
My diet finds moderation to be weak and ineffectual, and completely forbids all foods with more carbs than a large carrot. This has been good for me, as 12 years of adult life has shown that I have no real ability to moderate my food intake. The flip side is that I'm going to go about nine months without many of my favorite foods. One of the major reasons I've had the success I've had on this diet, however, is that it includes many of my favorite foods: grilled meat. Still, I'm always looking for ways to recapture old favorites.
My recent accomplishment is finding a bottle of buffalo wing sauce with zero calories. Chicken Breast, grilled plain, and covered in hot sauce would never be mistaken for buffalo wings by anybody whose eaten a wing in the last six weeks, but after nearly two months, I'm happy to feel the interplay of chicken and hot sauce once more. While celery is allowed on my diet, bleu cheese is most definitly not, so I generally serve the chicken with pickles instead. It provides a cold sour to complement the spicy hot chicken. As an added bonus, I drink more water while eating the hot sauce.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Day 48 - Worried about Plateauing
Weighing myself on my home scale is always a bit questionable, as it doesn't have the accuracy or precision of the scale at the hospital. That said, I like to weight myself often to get an idea of how I'm doing. Lately, however, the answer has been steadily "not that great." I've figured out that the scale at home is roughly 2 lbs less, of course I'm weighed at the doctored dressed except for shoes.
Today, dressed, I weighed 382 on my scale. I was 387 at the doctor's last week, but this scale is roughly two pounds short. This means I may have only lost 3-4lbs (with rounding) in the last week. On a normal diet, that's still a pretty big accomplishment. On my diet, I should stay higher than that.
I haven't been getting as much exercise I was getting at the beginning of the diet, and I'm afraid that this might be the result. While I've been very resolute in non cheating food wise, I've been saying a lot of things like "well, standing all day while playing warhammer is roughly like 30 minutes of exercise" or "I spent all day walking around a museum," when what I need to get is heart rate increasing, sweat inducing aerobic exercise.
The new goal for this week is to get to the gym every day, and try to pull out of this dip.
Today, dressed, I weighed 382 on my scale. I was 387 at the doctor's last week, but this scale is roughly two pounds short. This means I may have only lost 3-4lbs (with rounding) in the last week. On a normal diet, that's still a pretty big accomplishment. On my diet, I should stay higher than that.
I haven't been getting as much exercise I was getting at the beginning of the diet, and I'm afraid that this might be the result. While I've been very resolute in non cheating food wise, I've been saying a lot of things like "well, standing all day while playing warhammer is roughly like 30 minutes of exercise" or "I spent all day walking around a museum," when what I need to get is heart rate increasing, sweat inducing aerobic exercise.
The new goal for this week is to get to the gym every day, and try to pull out of this dip.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Day 43 - The ups and downs of the PSMF
It's been six full weeks on this diet, and there have been fantastic results. I've lost 45lbs, I feel healthier and more energetic, clothes fit better, and I sleep better. I'm glad I started this diet, and I plan to stay on it for the duration.
That all said, some times I really despise the restrictions. I haven't had a drop of alcohol in six weeks, or a cookie, or a slice of pizza. I haven't had a potato or noodles or even a piece of fruit. Most diets have a release valve built in, some way to take some pressure off. On atkins you can at least eat fatty foods in quantity. A lot of people have an "off day" every week or two. On my diet, I can't stray even for a meal. I had 11oz of cheese and garlic crusted steak today (very good, btw), and I felt bad for eating so much at a meal. This, despite still being at the day's meat limit.
I haven't spent much time focusing on the negative, partly because it's self evident, and partly because I want to stay positive. Today, driving around on errands, I really wished I could eat normally. On a side note, if you get a chance one day, note how many ads for junk food you encounter. Billboards, commercials, signs: everywhere you go or look you're bombarded with offers for delicious food at low prices. I'm constantly reminded of what I can't have.
That all said, some times I really despise the restrictions. I haven't had a drop of alcohol in six weeks, or a cookie, or a slice of pizza. I haven't had a potato or noodles or even a piece of fruit. Most diets have a release valve built in, some way to take some pressure off. On atkins you can at least eat fatty foods in quantity. A lot of people have an "off day" every week or two. On my diet, I can't stray even for a meal. I had 11oz of cheese and garlic crusted steak today (very good, btw), and I felt bad for eating so much at a meal. This, despite still being at the day's meat limit.
I haven't spent much time focusing on the negative, partly because it's self evident, and partly because I want to stay positive. Today, driving around on errands, I really wished I could eat normally. On a side note, if you get a chance one day, note how many ads for junk food you encounter. Billboards, commercials, signs: everywhere you go or look you're bombarded with offers for delicious food at low prices. I'm constantly reminded of what I can't have.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Day 40 - Check up time
I saw the bariatric doctor again today, for my first medical check up since I began the diet. My weight was down to 387lbs, for 45lbs since I started six weeks ago, and almost as importantly, 11lbs since I saw the nutritionist 11 days ago on April 1st. This means that my weight loss is still holding strong at seven pounds a week, a frankly astonishing rate. I also came in with a blood pressure of 130/80, a very nice drop since my first visit.
The doctor is very bullish on the bariatric surgery, which makes sense given it's success rate and how long the results last. I'm firmly committed to the diet, and I'd like to play it out before I start thinking too hard about surgery. Given my relatively young age, my very good health aside from the obesity, and my success thus far, I think that surgery would be an overly dramatic step at this point in my life.
The doctor doesn't put much stock in the keto-strips for testing my ketosis, which I suppose makes sense, given the fluctuating results I've seen. He told me I didn't need to use them, but I enjoy getting a confirmation that my body chemistry is correct (At least in terms of my diet.) I think my background in both academic science and swimming pool chemistry have made me trust simple chemical tests, and knowing that they aren't always trustworthy doesn't mean they have zero value, just a limited value.
He also said that he preferred if I ate more fish, instead of red meat. This is counter to what the nutritionist said. My mom seems to think that he needed to give some form of advice to justify his time and my money, and I'm not entirely certain she's wrong. On the other hand, I've completely changed the way I eat and my entire approach to food, and it's only been six weeks. I'm going to keep eating my steaks and ignore the fish as long as I keep losing weight. Take that, medical establishment!
The doctor is very bullish on the bariatric surgery, which makes sense given it's success rate and how long the results last. I'm firmly committed to the diet, and I'd like to play it out before I start thinking too hard about surgery. Given my relatively young age, my very good health aside from the obesity, and my success thus far, I think that surgery would be an overly dramatic step at this point in my life.
The doctor doesn't put much stock in the keto-strips for testing my ketosis, which I suppose makes sense, given the fluctuating results I've seen. He told me I didn't need to use them, but I enjoy getting a confirmation that my body chemistry is correct (At least in terms of my diet.) I think my background in both academic science and swimming pool chemistry have made me trust simple chemical tests, and knowing that they aren't always trustworthy doesn't mean they have zero value, just a limited value.
He also said that he preferred if I ate more fish, instead of red meat. This is counter to what the nutritionist said. My mom seems to think that he needed to give some form of advice to justify his time and my money, and I'm not entirely certain she's wrong. On the other hand, I've completely changed the way I eat and my entire approach to food, and it's only been six weeks. I'm going to keep eating my steaks and ignore the fish as long as I keep losing weight. Take that, medical establishment!
Day 38 - Wedding Travels
This weekend I once again took my diet show on the road to an old friend's wedding. I packed food for an over night trip, but things quickly became more difficult due to both the catered food and the trip becoming much longer. The wedding spread looked (and from what I ate was) delicious, but it involved meatballs (with bread crumbs), sausages, breaded pork chops, and lightly breaded tilapia. Compromising between eating what I wanted and just holding out until after, I ate a few pieces of fish that I painstakingly de-breaded. A big part of having weird dietary restrictions is knowing that you can't expect people to cater to them, and this lesson was driven home pretty strongly. In the future, I'm bringing a cooked pork chop or chicken breast to anything I don't the menu to.
Adding to the fun was that I can't drink. In the past, I was an enthusiastic patron of any open bar I found myself at. Now, being completely limited, I'm finding myself finding new ways to enjoy events. If nothing else, I found out that I can dance completely sober. Still not well, but at least I have fun.
In addition to being down a meal, my girlfriend and I also decided to push the trip further by doing some touristy stuff in the area the next day. My food, stretched already, was enough for a breakfast and a snack, but I had to rely on restaurants in small town and truck stops for two meals. Neither was a huge problem (once you have to de-skin chicken anyway, it doesn't matter if it's breaded), but it's hard to get to your protein limit on restaurant cooking, aside from steaks. Luckily we found a buffet, at which I simply ate chicken. In other news, I found out that I can really enjoy a Burger King Tendergrill salad. While not optimal, it's a great solution for a quick meal.
Adding to the fun was that I can't drink. In the past, I was an enthusiastic patron of any open bar I found myself at. Now, being completely limited, I'm finding myself finding new ways to enjoy events. If nothing else, I found out that I can dance completely sober. Still not well, but at least I have fun.
In addition to being down a meal, my girlfriend and I also decided to push the trip further by doing some touristy stuff in the area the next day. My food, stretched already, was enough for a breakfast and a snack, but I had to rely on restaurants in small town and truck stops for two meals. Neither was a huge problem (once you have to de-skin chicken anyway, it doesn't matter if it's breaded), but it's hard to get to your protein limit on restaurant cooking, aside from steaks. Luckily we found a buffet, at which I simply ate chicken. In other news, I found out that I can really enjoy a Burger King Tendergrill salad. While not optimal, it's a great solution for a quick meal.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Day 37 - In a Row
One of the things I've been waiting for most on my diet is to start noticing better fits in my clothing, and eventually having clothes simply be too large for me. Today was the first small signs that I'm shrinking: a pair of 58 dockers fit extremely well today, and I found a pair of 56 jeans in the back of my closet that while not comfy, at least buttoned without strain. Before my diet I was, shall we say, a generous size 60, so I figure I've officially lost a pants size.
On the more depressing side of things, there are still many things that I thought I should be able to fit into that are still far too tight on me. Still, any additions to my wardrobe are gifts from above. One of the hidden hassles of being hyper obese is the difficulty and expense in buying clothes. Not only are they hard to find, but a basic pair of jeans run $60 or more. With the few pieces I've been able to fit into I'm enjoying the same benefits most people get after spending a few hundred dollars at a department store.
I found a pair of black dockers in my closet that I'm not sure I even remember wearing. I'm glad I have them, as black pants are useful, but I'm not sure what to wear with them. I'll have to do some research. I get to wear my black suit to a wedding on Saturday, and it should fit better than it ever did. It was the largest a big men's store carried when I bought it a few years back, and it was pretty skin tight then. The jacket fit properly today, and the pants were almost comfortable.
Tangible achievements like this really help keep me going. I played some Warhammer today, and traditionally we go to Denny's afterward. I just had a diet coke, but damn did those nachos look and smell good. I very consciously shift in my seat, feeling how my pants felt on me to remind me that there was a reason for this diet.
On the more depressing side of things, there are still many things that I thought I should be able to fit into that are still far too tight on me. Still, any additions to my wardrobe are gifts from above. One of the hidden hassles of being hyper obese is the difficulty and expense in buying clothes. Not only are they hard to find, but a basic pair of jeans run $60 or more. With the few pieces I've been able to fit into I'm enjoying the same benefits most people get after spending a few hundred dollars at a department store.
I found a pair of black dockers in my closet that I'm not sure I even remember wearing. I'm glad I have them, as black pants are useful, but I'm not sure what to wear with them. I'll have to do some research. I get to wear my black suit to a wedding on Saturday, and it should fit better than it ever did. It was the largest a big men's store carried when I bought it a few years back, and it was pretty skin tight then. The jacket fit properly today, and the pants were almost comfortable.
Tangible achievements like this really help keep me going. I played some Warhammer today, and traditionally we go to Denny's afterward. I just had a diet coke, but damn did those nachos look and smell good. I very consciously shift in my seat, feeling how my pants felt on me to remind me that there was a reason for this diet.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Day 36 - an odd case of the munchies
One of the biggest upsides to this diet has always been it's appetite suppression. I eat so little because I'm not hungry, not due to some superhuman will power. Today, part of that security blanket has been removed, as I've had a nasty case of the munchies all day long. I think my mild deviations while I was home (non-fat cheese, bacon and ham, etc) may have created a certain demand for food. In some ways this is good, as it's making sure that I eat my meals. In some ways it's bad, as it makes me want to order a pizza.
I've been using the usual tricks to combat the cravings: drinking something enjoyable like an IBC root beer, trying to stay busy, or simply ignoring them. It's worked today, with no real danger of falling off the wagon, but feeling more physical hunger coupled with cravings for junk food is both new and slightly disturbing.
In better news, using my home scale I weighed in today at 388lbs, making it 14lbs in as many days. That's a good rate, one that I'd like to maintain for as long as possible.
Yesterday I went for a walk in the metropark, and discovered that I'm already in much better shape, walking further and faster than I was able to a year ago. Fitness is not my strong suit, but I'd like to get in shape at the same time as lose weight, as the more muscle I have, the faster I lose weight. In many ways, I think that's why this diet is so successful for me, but wouldn't be for other hyper obese people: I simply had at least some muscle tone under the fat. For a normal person I was sedentary, but for a person my size I had pretty noteworthy mobility. To give you an idea of the muscles I had to have, try walking a few miles, at any pace, while carrying enough weight to reach 400+ lbs. That's what I did every day.
One strange little milestone I reached over the weekend was running out of supplements. I had my prescription refilled and bought more magnesium, but it felt good to realize I had used up a months supply already. In many ways, I don't feel like I've been on the diet for five weeks, while in others I can barely remember eating normally. The closest comparison is from college, where every semester fall or spring break arrived both amazingly early and after far too long.
I've been using the usual tricks to combat the cravings: drinking something enjoyable like an IBC root beer, trying to stay busy, or simply ignoring them. It's worked today, with no real danger of falling off the wagon, but feeling more physical hunger coupled with cravings for junk food is both new and slightly disturbing.
In better news, using my home scale I weighed in today at 388lbs, making it 14lbs in as many days. That's a good rate, one that I'd like to maintain for as long as possible.
Yesterday I went for a walk in the metropark, and discovered that I'm already in much better shape, walking further and faster than I was able to a year ago. Fitness is not my strong suit, but I'd like to get in shape at the same time as lose weight, as the more muscle I have, the faster I lose weight. In many ways, I think that's why this diet is so successful for me, but wouldn't be for other hyper obese people: I simply had at least some muscle tone under the fat. For a normal person I was sedentary, but for a person my size I had pretty noteworthy mobility. To give you an idea of the muscles I had to have, try walking a few miles, at any pace, while carrying enough weight to reach 400+ lbs. That's what I did every day.
One strange little milestone I reached over the weekend was running out of supplements. I had my prescription refilled and bought more magnesium, but it felt good to realize I had used up a months supply already. In many ways, I don't feel like I've been on the diet for five weeks, while in others I can barely remember eating normally. The closest comparison is from college, where every semester fall or spring break arrived both amazingly early and after far too long.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
First Check up with Nutritionist
On Thursday, April 1st (Day 30), I had my four week check up with a nutritionist. My official weigh in was 398, for a 4 week loss of 35 lbs. After asking about my ketosis (consistently large, not unlike myself), and seeing my weight, she promptly informed me that I was "doing awesome."
I asked about nutrasweet, which is technically restricted on my diet, but she assured me that I was doing fine and I could keep drinking my beloved diet soda. More importantly, she stated an actual carb count goal number for me: under 40grams a day. That's not a lot, but when all starchy foods are eliminated, it's actually pretty easy.
A big new development of this is that certain processed foods, like ham and bacon, are now allowed as long as I keep it low key. Check fat counts, check carb counts, and be reasonable, but I can have two of my favorite meats.
One of the most exciting parts of this is that I should keep losing weight at a pretty fast clip for the duration. It won't be 9lbs a week, but it'll be pretty quick.
I asked about nutrasweet, which is technically restricted on my diet, but she assured me that I was doing fine and I could keep drinking my beloved diet soda. More importantly, she stated an actual carb count goal number for me: under 40grams a day. That's not a lot, but when all starchy foods are eliminated, it's actually pretty easy.
A big new development of this is that certain processed foods, like ham and bacon, are now allowed as long as I keep it low key. Check fat counts, check carb counts, and be reasonable, but I can have two of my favorite meats.
One of the most exciting parts of this is that I should keep losing weight at a pretty fast clip for the duration. It won't be 9lbs a week, but it'll be pretty quick.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Day 28 - Four Weeks Down!
Looking at my blog, I realized that all of my posts have been in March. This entire process has not only been less than a month, but contained entirely within that month. I've consumed less pizza than in any month since I was 10, less beer than any month since I started college, and I've gotten more exercise than any month since I was about 18.
I have seen some concrete results, when I weighed myself in shorts and t-shirt I was under 400, which was a big deal for me. I'm back over today in jeans, but I hope when I go in on Thursday that I'll officially be done with 400.
My belt (which admittedly stretches) was getting loose so I had to poke a new hole in it. Other than that, there hasn't been any real clothing related breakthroughs in terms of weight loss.
Along with my weight, I'm really curious to see what my blood pressure is like on Thursday. I hope it's dropped at least a little from the 155 I got a month ago. Of course, simply cutting back on caffeine and salt should help, not to mention a little more exercise.
I'm curious what the meeting with the nutritionist is going to be like. I feel like I understand the diet, but I do need more potassium, so if nothing else I'll get that prescription filled. I'm going to ask her if I should join any sort of group meeting or anything. I'm not sure I need to, but she'd know better.
I know this process is going to take a long time, but I'd really like to start seeing more tangible results. Looser clothes, less difficulty buckling into a car, etc. There have been a few, but one of my fears has been that after my weight loss levels out, and I hit the early goals (under 400lbs, 10% weight loss) I'll enter a bit of a doldrums, where I won't see progress for so long (I guess I can get fire up about getting under 350, but still.) In short, I feel that I've spent a month doing something pretty hard core, and I've gotten pretty weak results so far.
The other, even more depressing realization is that I was in far worse shape than I though I was. When I work out, I realize that It'll take weeks just to build any sort of cardiovascular endurance. My weight was so settled in that I'll need to lose 50+lbs to really go down a pants size. In short, I've spent a month getting to the place I had deluded myself into thinking I was.
I have seen some concrete results, when I weighed myself in shorts and t-shirt I was under 400, which was a big deal for me. I'm back over today in jeans, but I hope when I go in on Thursday that I'll officially be done with 400.
My belt (which admittedly stretches) was getting loose so I had to poke a new hole in it. Other than that, there hasn't been any real clothing related breakthroughs in terms of weight loss.
Along with my weight, I'm really curious to see what my blood pressure is like on Thursday. I hope it's dropped at least a little from the 155 I got a month ago. Of course, simply cutting back on caffeine and salt should help, not to mention a little more exercise.
I'm curious what the meeting with the nutritionist is going to be like. I feel like I understand the diet, but I do need more potassium, so if nothing else I'll get that prescription filled. I'm going to ask her if I should join any sort of group meeting or anything. I'm not sure I need to, but she'd know better.
I know this process is going to take a long time, but I'd really like to start seeing more tangible results. Looser clothes, less difficulty buckling into a car, etc. There have been a few, but one of my fears has been that after my weight loss levels out, and I hit the early goals (under 400lbs, 10% weight loss) I'll enter a bit of a doldrums, where I won't see progress for so long (I guess I can get fire up about getting under 350, but still.) In short, I feel that I've spent a month doing something pretty hard core, and I've gotten pretty weak results so far.
The other, even more depressing realization is that I was in far worse shape than I though I was. When I work out, I realize that It'll take weeks just to build any sort of cardiovascular endurance. My weight was so settled in that I'll need to lose 50+lbs to really go down a pants size. In short, I've spent a month getting to the place I had deluded myself into thinking I was.
Trip to Adepticon
From Thursday through Sunday, I was on the road, attending the biggest Games Workshop gaming event in the North America: Adepticon. While I didn't get to play in any of the bigger tournaments, I played some pick up games, met some internet friends, and in general had a very fun time.
The amazing thing, for me, was that I was able to strictly keep to the diet the entire time. I grilled a bunch of chicken before I went, and I ate that and carrots cold for four straight days. I guess if I keep busy, food isn't that big a deal.
The biggest dilemma wasn't getting tired of the food I brought (although I did), it was the constant presence of food around me. Until last weekend, most of my food cravings were for food that I loved, but couldn't have anymore. Pizza, chicken nuggets, tacos, etc. For the most part, I craved high end stuff or old favorites, not junk. Last weekend, after three days of looking at hot dogs, pizza slices, and macaroni and cheese at a hotel buffet I begin to really, really hate my diet. I'm not even a full month in (out of six), but I spend almost more time thinking about food I can eat again, rather than the benefits of the weight loss.
While realizing exactly how big a part of my life food was has been something I know I'll need to spend time working in, it's also still true that a huge part of my life is missing right now. There are plenty of maxims and cliches about dealing with social events while dieting (enjoy the event, not the food), but food is a central aspect to social living. Every religion and culture centers traditions and rituals around food and meals. Family events, double dates, and any day long event all involve food. This was pounded home when I meet a bunch of guys at Adepticon: they promptly ordered and ate Chicago style deep dish pizza, while I sat there and drank water.
I've lived most of my life as a bit of a social outsider. I've never particularly fit in, and I've always been weird in at least one way. Between my nerdiness, my weight, my personality, whatever, it's been a bit of a struggle to enjoy the same social experiences as everybody else. While I know that in the long run this diet should hopefully change some of that, for the time being it's bringing it into sharper focus. Now I'm not only the fat nerdy guy, I'm also the fat nerdy guy that can't have beer and pizza with the guys.
On the flip side, losing weight is such a universal experience that you'd swear it was a categorical imperative. Virtually everybody, even strangers and wait staff, become supportive and helpful when you utter the magic words "I'm on a diet." Virtually everybody has their own dieting experiences to share with you. Some will try to relate to my own program, which is nice at times, but at times is very frustrating, simply because my own program is so different from other diets. It's a white/black style diet, with no shades of gray allowed. Four weeks into most diets, you can have a bacon cheese burger and fries, and it will simply be a setback. If I were to eat that, I'd probably be horribly sick, and then most likely leave ketosis. That would cause me to lose my appetite suppressant state, and would probably take two to three days to "reboot." So, while I feel bad that you were "naughty" on your diet, it's not the same thing, ok?
All in all, the trip was a lot for me to take in. I'm not as rock solid in my program as I thought, but I persevered. I want to lose weight so I can ride in cars and fit in places better. I know, deep down, that doing this now will allow me to do far more in two years.
The amazing thing, for me, was that I was able to strictly keep to the diet the entire time. I grilled a bunch of chicken before I went, and I ate that and carrots cold for four straight days. I guess if I keep busy, food isn't that big a deal.
The biggest dilemma wasn't getting tired of the food I brought (although I did), it was the constant presence of food around me. Until last weekend, most of my food cravings were for food that I loved, but couldn't have anymore. Pizza, chicken nuggets, tacos, etc. For the most part, I craved high end stuff or old favorites, not junk. Last weekend, after three days of looking at hot dogs, pizza slices, and macaroni and cheese at a hotel buffet I begin to really, really hate my diet. I'm not even a full month in (out of six), but I spend almost more time thinking about food I can eat again, rather than the benefits of the weight loss.
While realizing exactly how big a part of my life food was has been something I know I'll need to spend time working in, it's also still true that a huge part of my life is missing right now. There are plenty of maxims and cliches about dealing with social events while dieting (enjoy the event, not the food), but food is a central aspect to social living. Every religion and culture centers traditions and rituals around food and meals. Family events, double dates, and any day long event all involve food. This was pounded home when I meet a bunch of guys at Adepticon: they promptly ordered and ate Chicago style deep dish pizza, while I sat there and drank water.
I've lived most of my life as a bit of a social outsider. I've never particularly fit in, and I've always been weird in at least one way. Between my nerdiness, my weight, my personality, whatever, it's been a bit of a struggle to enjoy the same social experiences as everybody else. While I know that in the long run this diet should hopefully change some of that, for the time being it's bringing it into sharper focus. Now I'm not only the fat nerdy guy, I'm also the fat nerdy guy that can't have beer and pizza with the guys.
On the flip side, losing weight is such a universal experience that you'd swear it was a categorical imperative. Virtually everybody, even strangers and wait staff, become supportive and helpful when you utter the magic words "I'm on a diet." Virtually everybody has their own dieting experiences to share with you. Some will try to relate to my own program, which is nice at times, but at times is very frustrating, simply because my own program is so different from other diets. It's a white/black style diet, with no shades of gray allowed. Four weeks into most diets, you can have a bacon cheese burger and fries, and it will simply be a setback. If I were to eat that, I'd probably be horribly sick, and then most likely leave ketosis. That would cause me to lose my appetite suppressant state, and would probably take two to three days to "reboot." So, while I feel bad that you were "naughty" on your diet, it's not the same thing, ok?
All in all, the trip was a lot for me to take in. I'm not as rock solid in my program as I thought, but I persevered. I want to lose weight so I can ride in cars and fit in places better. I know, deep down, that doing this now will allow me to do far more in two years.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Day 22- Finally Weighed In
The wait, no pun intended, is over. I bought a high capacity scale off amazon and it arrived today. According to it, I'm down to 402.2, or roughly 30lbs off my initial weigh in at the bariatric center. The diet claimed that 10lbs a week was doable, at least at first, and they weren't kidding. I obviously can't hope to keep that pace up for the full six months, but it's working and I feel great.
I'm leaving tomorrow for four days in Chicago on a gamer road trip to Adepticon. It's the biggest Games Workshop event in North America, and I get a free trip because I'm helping my buddy's company do set up, tear down, and working the booth. I can't play in any of the big tournaments, but just getting in pick up games and soaking in the vibe will be fun. This is relevant because I'm spending 4 days on the road with no fridge or stove.
To deal with this, today I purchased a small cooler, and I'm grilling meats and snapping them in Tupperware to eat as meals. Apparently chicken breasts are right around 6oz cooked, or a full meal for me. I cut two into thirds for breakfasts and snacks, and I'm taking a bag full of baby carrots and some low fat string cheese to survive off of. I'm not too worried about going off the diet, I just want to make sure I have foods to eat when I want to eat. I would rather not rely on food service for my chicken breasts.
The psychological effect of seeing the weight loss can't be overstated. One of the biggest problems with needing to lose multiple hundreds of pounds is that most diets brag about being able to lose 3 lbs a week. At that pace, it would take over a year and a half to reach my goal. At even 5lbs a week, that drops my over all time to under a year and a half. While I have many goals (10% of my weight, getting under 400lbs, etc), getting to or under 200lbs would be beyond belief.
I'm leaving tomorrow for four days in Chicago on a gamer road trip to Adepticon. It's the biggest Games Workshop event in North America, and I get a free trip because I'm helping my buddy's company do set up, tear down, and working the booth. I can't play in any of the big tournaments, but just getting in pick up games and soaking in the vibe will be fun. This is relevant because I'm spending 4 days on the road with no fridge or stove.
To deal with this, today I purchased a small cooler, and I'm grilling meats and snapping them in Tupperware to eat as meals. Apparently chicken breasts are right around 6oz cooked, or a full meal for me. I cut two into thirds for breakfasts and snacks, and I'm taking a bag full of baby carrots and some low fat string cheese to survive off of. I'm not too worried about going off the diet, I just want to make sure I have foods to eat when I want to eat. I would rather not rely on food service for my chicken breasts.
The psychological effect of seeing the weight loss can't be overstated. One of the biggest problems with needing to lose multiple hundreds of pounds is that most diets brag about being able to lose 3 lbs a week. At that pace, it would take over a year and a half to reach my goal. At even 5lbs a week, that drops my over all time to under a year and a half. While I have many goals (10% of my weight, getting under 400lbs, etc), getting to or under 200lbs would be beyond belief.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Day 20 - Losing nearly all appetite
One of the side effects of this diet is a loss of appetite. In the first two weeks, this helped me get from meal to meal without the need to snack. By this point, I'm able to skip meals if I'm not careful. I'm pretty sure I shouldn't skip them, as I need the protein to keep muscle mass up. In the last two days, I ate brunch yesterday (About 6oz of steak), 2oz of pork chop this morning for breakfast, and didn't eat dinner until 10pm tonight. That's a skipped breakfast and two skipped big meals in 48 hours. I was hungry, but never so ravenous that I seriously contemplated going off the diet. So in some regards, it's working.
I've been successful in getting to the gym. Once there, I've been pretty able to keep my pulse rate in the target zone, but I'm less than thrilled with how fast I'm actually able to walk. Apparently I'm even further out of shape than I previously though, which bums me out.
If anybody is curious what a "normal" meal for me is, tonight I had 7oz of pork chop (after the fat was removed), 4oz of pickles (which is more than you think), and a tablespoon of ketchup (which is dramatically less than you think. Here is a picture for you're pleasure. Try not to get jealous.
I've been successful in getting to the gym. Once there, I've been pretty able to keep my pulse rate in the target zone, but I'm less than thrilled with how fast I'm actually able to walk. Apparently I'm even further out of shape than I previously though, which bums me out.
If anybody is curious what a "normal" meal for me is, tonight I had 7oz of pork chop (after the fat was removed), 4oz of pickles (which is more than you think), and a tablespoon of ketchup (which is dramatically less than you think. Here is a picture for you're pleasure. Try not to get jealous.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Day 19 - First Signs of Progress
Today I had the first real signs of progress on my diet. First, I was finally in large ketosis according to the test strips. I think cutting nutrasweet may have pushed me over the top.
I'm also more flexible, and I have greater stamina. That might be more due to the walking (and now treadmill), but I'm also able to bend and reach places I simply couldn't before due to my bulk.
Anyways, while not a huge revelation, it's still pretty cool. I felt so good, I drove back from my girlfriend's early just so I could work out this evening.
I'm also more flexible, and I have greater stamina. That might be more due to the walking (and now treadmill), but I'm also able to bend and reach places I simply couldn't before due to my bulk.
Anyways, while not a huge revelation, it's still pretty cool. I felt so good, I drove back from my girlfriend's early just so I could work out this evening.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Day 16 - Joining a Gym
Today I slept in late, and had very bizarre dreams about having a stereotypical 50's style father that was verbally and physically abusive when I stood up to him. Of course, he turned away from me when he started hitting me, so apparently he was double jointed or something. I don't know what physical abuse from a father figure that literally won't face you signifies, but it can't possibly be good. Nobody told me that one of the side effects of this diet was disturbing dreams. If it's not some bizarro world Oedipal thing, it's overly explicit dreams involving exes I'd rather not even speak to. Am I sleeping deeper on this diet? Does diet affect the subconscious? So many questions. All I know is that I'm remembering more dreams, and they're more negative than before.
Today I took a stroll to cash a check and activate my new debit card. On the way back, I found Keto-stix at another pharmacy to replace the ones left at my parent's house. Another pharmacist looked at me like I was from neptune when I asked for salt tablets, so apparently these semi mythical items are harder to find than I thought.
Further along on my walk, I checked out the new gym on Detroit, and decided that I liked the vibe and the price. It's a Planet Fitness, and apparently their thing is to have no judgments and cater to general fitness. Since most of what I want to do is work on the treadmill, I think it's a good place for me. The idea of doing some weight training is appealing to me as well. I haven't lifted in almost a decade, but I enjoyed it when I did it. I have a first training class tomorrow, and hopefully I'll be on my way. I need to find my other tennis shoe first. I think having one shoe is almost worse than none. When you can't find either shoe, it means that they're most likely together in a fairly logical place. If you can only find one, it means it got moved, and thus could be in a truly odd place. *update* While shoe #1 was under my dresser in my room, shoe #2 was in the living room, between the TV stand and my house plant, behind some of my roommates gaming stuff.
I haven't eaten dinner yet today, and I'm not horribly hungry, but I'm pretty sure I should eat something. I have plenty of filet left over from my trip, and I know it won't last. I never thought I'd skipping meals, let alone when I'm on such a reduced calorie diet. I don't know if it's some sort of weird control mechanism, where in I reject the confines of the diet by not even eating what I'm allowed, or if the ketosis is really kicking in, but my actual physical hunger is simply very low.
Today I took a stroll to cash a check and activate my new debit card. On the way back, I found Keto-stix at another pharmacy to replace the ones left at my parent's house. Another pharmacist looked at me like I was from neptune when I asked for salt tablets, so apparently these semi mythical items are harder to find than I thought.
Further along on my walk, I checked out the new gym on Detroit, and decided that I liked the vibe and the price. It's a Planet Fitness, and apparently their thing is to have no judgments and cater to general fitness. Since most of what I want to do is work on the treadmill, I think it's a good place for me. The idea of doing some weight training is appealing to me as well. I haven't lifted in almost a decade, but I enjoyed it when I did it. I have a first training class tomorrow, and hopefully I'll be on my way. I need to find my other tennis shoe first. I think having one shoe is almost worse than none. When you can't find either shoe, it means that they're most likely together in a fairly logical place. If you can only find one, it means it got moved, and thus could be in a truly odd place. *update* While shoe #1 was under my dresser in my room, shoe #2 was in the living room, between the TV stand and my house plant, behind some of my roommates gaming stuff.
I haven't eaten dinner yet today, and I'm not horribly hungry, but I'm pretty sure I should eat something. I have plenty of filet left over from my trip, and I know it won't last. I never thought I'd skipping meals, let alone when I'm on such a reduced calorie diet. I don't know if it's some sort of weird control mechanism, where in I reject the confines of the diet by not even eating what I'm allowed, or if the ketosis is really kicking in, but my actual physical hunger is simply very low.
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